


To kiss like lovers do

by FrenchMartiniPlease



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Angst, Ben and Rey Are Not Related, Better tag it to be on the safe side, C-3PO is Charles Purves, F/M, Family separation but in a positive context, Fluff, Growing Up Together, Happy Ending, Is it dirty talk if you get a 'birds and bees' chat from you fake husband?, Loss of Virginity, Medieval fosterage not the same as modern fostering, Mildly dubious consent power dynamics, No Babies, No Incest, No Pregnancy, Nothing underage, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Sexism, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Snoke offscreen only, Some major characters appear to die but they don't, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), death from broadsword, death from consumption, dubious consent fake betrothal, dubious consent fake marriage, lots of castles and clans, major character death cannon, major character death non cannon, medieval typical violence but off screen, one oops I didn't realise it wasn't you kiss, side saddle horse riding, slow slow burn, sounds like a lot of death but there really isn't it is all in the background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:41:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 47,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29184942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrenchMartiniPlease/pseuds/FrenchMartiniPlease
Summary: Rey had no time for Ben's shenanigans growing up together in Medieval Scotland. But he crashes back into her life when violent up risings on the horizon culminates with clan Ren attacking Castle Jakku whilst under the leadership of the notorious killer Kylo Ren.Extract“It’s not so easy to kill a man Rey. Would you cut me here?”He lifts her hand and places the length of the knife against his jugular, holding her gaze the whole time. Sickened she looks down.“No? Perhaps here?”He lets the knife drag across his left pectoral and drop to the point below his sternum, Rey swallows and tries to pull her hand back.“Ah-ah, if you are going to kill a man, you need to mean it Rey.”He angles the knife so that a sharp upward thrust towards his heart would sneak beneath his ribs and pierce it. Rey hisses, tries to stop this, but Ben holds her in place.“You need to want to see them bleed out their life blood for you. It’s not a game Rey.” She’s openly crying now, and he ghosts his lips along the edge of her cheekbone. “It’s life or death, Rey. My life or death.”
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 100
Kudos: 197
Collections: To Find Your Kiss: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the-reylo-void (Anysia)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anysia/gifts).



> Huge thanks to my fantastic beta reader Emmy_cc, without whom this would be an unreadable mess. She caught all my grammatical flaws and underdeveloped ideas and this story is much improved thanks to her insights.
> 
> This is for The-reylo-void (Anysia) – you said you wanted exes, pining, angst with a happy ending and no/or little Snoke or Hux. You also said that your favourite books are The Winternight Trilogy and your favourite film is beauty and the beast.  
> I really hope you like this. I have gone with a medieval Scottish setting but only some of the elements of the story are historically accurate, the rest is made up nonsense.  
> Please be aware that I see the see the Solos as being upper class and wealthy. Given that St Andrews University opened in 1411 and Edinburgh University was 1582, someone was going to University so why not Ben Solo.  
> I have included a glossary at the end so that you don’t get confused by the Scottish words, most of which are still in use today.  
> I will be updating daily about 4pm EST  
> Please enjoy!

"You’ll be wanting your bed, bairn.”

It’s not said unkindly, indeed the lady Mam had left Rey with is smiling gently at her. Rey in her exhaustion has forgotten the woman’s name but her weathered face is relaxed and open. The woman holds out her hand and Rey slips her smaller one into the warm, larger one. The skin on the lady’s hand has known hard work. The familiar feeling of callouses against Rey’s soft palm is comforting; it reminds her of her Mam.

Rey sways with fatigue and the woman tugs her forward leading her through a maze of grey flag-stoned corridors lit with torches set a few feet apart. They dip into pools of light and out again, round corners, making their way upstairs until Rey’s tired mind no longer knows where she is.

This castle is bigger than her home.

Grander.

Not that she cares.

Rey’s chest aches with wanting her Mam and Dad, her own bed. She doesn’t want some new home and family she has to stay with for years and somehow be happy about it. Mam said it is a good thing: a fosterage. More family. More people to love and be loved by, but this does not feel like love to Rey. Love is Mam stroking her hair. Dad throwing her over his shoulder and running away whilst Mam scolds and Rey giggles.

Being here with people she does not know and in a castle that is unfamiliar to her is scary. This whole thing feels scary.

A door is pushed open, making the candle lighting the room flicker almost to the point of being snuffed out in the draught. When the flame springs back to life, it casts enough light for Rey to make out a cot.

“Come now, boots off and shirk your clothes.”

With kind hands, the woman helps to divest Rey of her clothes until she is only in her smock and ushered into the cot. Dry lips press a kiss to her temple and a rough woollen blanket is tucked around Rey’s thin shoulders. Extinguishing the candle, the woman leaves Rey to miss her family and home in the inky darkness cast by this new one.

**

“Mam, she’s but a bairn, I’ll not be playing with her.”

A petulant, loud voice in the room next to hers wakes Rey. Blinking in the pale light of morning she struggles to remember where she is. A rush of sadness accompanies her recollection. Castle Alderaan: her fosterage home until she is twelve. Six years without her mother and father. Tears wet her eyelashes as the voice full of disdain continues.

“Besides she’s a girl. What’ll I do with a girl?”

“Be kind to her for a start Ben.” It’s the woman from last night and she is sharper with this Ben than she was with Rey, but her voice softens as she goes on. “Remember when you started your fosterage with Luke? You were just like Rey, a young one, alone, without your family, hmm? I’d think you’d want to help her settle in?”

Rey jumps to the sounds of a kicked wooden chest and low muttering. Soon there is the sound of movement and a door opening.

Rey dashes her hand across her eyes to hide her weakness. Sitting up, she shuffles into the corner of the cot pulling her legs up and tucking them under herself. She draws the blanket up to her chin as her door is pushed open. The older woman enters followed by a lanky youth who has not yet grown into his body. Like a puppy with disproportionately large paws, everything about this boy looks too big on his skinny frame, from his hands and feet to his ears and nose. He has wild messy black hair he has not bothered to tie back, and he stands there as if he wants to be anywhere but here. The woman – is she his mother wonders Rey – pushes him further into the room before turning to address her.

“Rey, did you sleep?” Rey nods shyly. “Good. Rey, meet my son, Ben,” the woman gestures to the almost adolescent at her side, “future Laird of Castle Alderaan and your fosterage brother.”

She smiles wide as Rey ducks her head in a bob, the best she can do as she is seated and can’t curtsey.

“Ben is going to take you to the great hall, to make sure you get some breakfast and then show you round, aren’t you, Ben?” She arches an eyebrow at her son.

Here is a Lady used to getting her way. Rey turns her face to look at the boy, to see how he is going to take such a command. He nods and then talking to the space on the bed in front of her knees, mutters.

“Get dressed, I’ll be back to get you soon.”

Rey watches him leave before turning wide frightened eyes to the woman.

“Come now dear, up with you.” Rey shuffles to the edge of the bed and the biting cold of the stones under her feet encourages her to hurry pulling on her socks and boots. “In case you’ve forgotten sleepyhead, I’m Leia, Ben’s Mam, and I’m your fosterage mother but call me Mam.”

Rey nods her understanding and lifts her hands to let Leia slip her tunic over her kirtle and endures the frigid water that Leia wipes her face and hands clean with.

“One of the lasses will come get your pot but I’ll show you where the garderobe is later. I think Ben would die of embarrassment if I asked him to do it.” Leia chuckles and Rey stays mute.

“Is she ready?”

The boy hovers in the corridor. At Leia’s gentle push, Rey makes her way towards him, only looking back at her new Mam once, who makes a ‘get moving’ gesture to her. They stand there, a boy of twelve and a girl, barely older than six, neither one looking at the other.

“Ben Solo, take your sister’s hand and get her some bannocks and porridge.”

Still not looking at her, Ben grabs her by the wrist and starts to drag her down the corridor as if she is a sack of firewood needing to be delivered to the kitchens. It is not until he is out of Leia’s sight that he stops.

“Look, it’s nice here and there are other lasses about your age. Kay and Rose, I think they are a wee bit older than you, but nice lasses. We’ll get you something to eat and then you’ll go play with them and I’ll go with my friends. Understood?”

Rey nods at her new big brother and he smiles at his good fortune of being able to pass her off to someone else.

**

There are so many people. Back at Castle Jakku, there’s maybe fourteen families that live under the protection of Rey’s Dad, the Laird. But here, Rey guesses there must be at least thirty judging by the people coming into the great hall to eat. The long tables are filled with folks supping and chatting. Wide eyed, Rey takes it in. The fresh bannocks smell buttery and Rey’s tummy rumbles. Ben chuckles softly beside her.

“Here.”

He makes his way towards a communal serving table, Rey trailing after him. He picks up a bowl, ladling a generous helping of porridge into it and thrusts the hot bowl into her waiting hands. He picks up a bannock and Rey juggles the bowl in her hands to allow her to grasp the warm oat cake. Ben rights her bowl before she can slop its contents on the floor.

“Right, you’re all set,” he points to the opposite table indicating a cluster of girls all talking to each other, “off you go.”

Rey looks at the girls and then swings her eyes back to this boy that is supposed to be looking after her. He has served himself a bowl of porridge and grasps it in one hand whilst with his other, he points back to the girls again.

“On you go.” When she does not move, he sighs and moves closer to her. “What’s the matter?”

Rey’s reply is so quiet he misses what she says the first time.

“Say that again?” He bends down closer to hear her better.

“I thought you were supposed to be my brother.”

She rushes through it, scared she’ll anger him, but he goes a bit pink, especially his ears which looks funny, but she does not have the mind to laugh right now.

“Aye, I am.” He says gruffly

“Then why aren’t you treating me like a sister?” She looks right into his dark eyes before he breaks away.

Ben stands upright and pulls a hand through his unruly hair.

He heaves out a sigh before muttering. “Come on then.”

And he heads over to his usual table with a little shadow following him.

**

_Five years later_

Kicking chickens out of the way, she enjoys their shrieks of indignation. Rey hunts through the courtyard. Her quarry has eluded her this past half hour, but he can’t hide forever. Out by the sheep pen she finds her friend Rose, carding wool.

“He’s a right sleekit…”

Laughing, Rose interrupts Rey’s rant. “What has your beloved brother done now?”

Rey huffs and crosses her arms over her thin chest. At thirteen, Rose is sweet on Ben because he is seventeen, tall and according to her and Kay, looks good dragging in any hunting spoils, practising his sword fighting and well, just anytime. To eleven-year-old Rey, Ben is the biggest irritation in her otherwise pleasant life. He is like an annoying midge that you notice but are never fast enough to swat away before it bites you.

“He is not my brother, thank kriff.” She huffs. “A toad, Rose. A toad. In my bed. I woke up and it was there, all squelchy at my feet. The Holy Father himself would turn a blind eye if I slaughtered Ben in his sleep.”

“Big talk from such a wee lassie.”

Rey should have known from the way Rose’s eyes had drifted over her shoulder that Ben had come out of hiding. Whirling, she starts to pummel him with her fists.

“It’s not funny Ben.”

Laughing he holds out his hands to deflect her strikes.

“It was pretty funny to me. You need to get a sense of humour.”

“You need to grow up.”

A jab manages to slip under his arm and her fist connects with his stomach, but he is so solid, it hurts her more. Enraged, she lifts her foot to stamp on his stupid, too big feet and he grabs her by the upper arms and lifts her till her feet are dangling off the ground.

“Let me go, you great galumphing ejit.”

She is twisting and raising her knees to try and land a good kick. He finds it amusing, as if her attempts are nothing more than a kitten batting at a puff of loose wool clippings.

“Ben, kindly put Rey back on the good Lord’s green earth and tell me why you had her strung up, in the first place.” Leia moves swiftly across the courtyard towards her wayward charges.

Ben drops her the couple of inches and she stumbles back into Rose. Glancing round to check on her friend, Rey starts to apologise for banging into her but at the adoring look on Rose’s round face for Ben and his muscles, Rey huffs and straightens her kirtle instead.

“Just playing with Rey. She shouldn’t fash herself over every little thing.”

He smirks down at her glowering face and Rey can’t help herself, she kicks some of the chicken shit and straw that litters the flagstones beneath her feet at him.

“That was not little…”

“Rey Kanata, hold your wheisht.”

Leia is nearly upon them and Ben is waggling his eyebrows at Rey and smirking. If Rey is lucky Leia might give him a clip around the ear but probably it will be Rey, as a lass, that will get it for not behaving better in public than she currently is.

“You are getting too old for these displays of temper. A woman should be patient, calm and kind in all her actions.”

Leia is in full flow and Ben moves so that he is unseen by his Mam. As her lecture continues, he is all smug faces and pious nods as if he agrees with every word his mother is uttering. The more he does it, the hotter Rey’s rage burns and Leia’s well-intentioned sermon on the virtues of femininity washes over her.

All she can focus on is the gleam in Ben’s eye and how if she was only ten inches taller, she might stand a chance of punching him on his long nose. It is only when the humour drops from Ben’s face that Rey tunes back into Leia.

“You will miss Ben, mark my words.”

“Why? Where am I going?” Rey asks.

She has been getting suspicious over the last few weeks. Han and Leia have been engaging in what looks like serious talks but whenever Rey draws near to them, the conversations cease. She has an inkling something is going to change. Maybe she is to go home. True, most fosterages last until age twelve, but it was not unheard of for a child to return home early. Although she got on well with the Solos, loved them deeply despite their annoying progeny. If she were to return home early, it would be because her Mam or Dad asked for her back.

“You, young lady, still have much to learn, you aren’t going anywhere. It’s Ben. He’ll be going to University in a month.”

Rey looks squarely at Ben who no longer looks full of mischief. There’s a sombre cast to his face. She turns back to Leia.

“Why?”

“He needs to learn perfect Latin, law, finances. Everything a good Laird needs.”

“Dad didn’t go to university.” Ben is looking more closed off by the second.

“Your father never got the chance as you well know. If his own father hadn’t died, he would have gone, and he wouldn’t have to rely so heavily on me.”

Ben rolls his eyes.

“Don’t fool yourself, Mam, even if Dad had gone to university you still would be the one running this castle.”

“Yes well, I can only wish you’ll have as canny a wife as your old Mam to rely on.” Leia cuts her eyes to Rey’s face and quickly looks away but both Ben and Rey caught it. They glance at each other and the look of horror on his face surely reflects her own.

“Ah, well. I’m going to play shinty with Finn while I still can before you make me go to Edinburgh.”

He starts to back away, but Leia cuffs him round the back of the head as he retreats.

“That’s for playing games on your wee sister.” Leia turns and focusses on Rey “And you, lady, need to come help me. Now.”

Rose gives Rey a sympathetic smile as they both know Leia will keep Rey busy for the next few hours.

**

Alderaan Castle has an order to it, that owes much to Leia and her housekeeper Holdo. There is a rhythm and regularity to the days that Rey’s grown accustomed to in the last five years. Early mornings are for chores. Leia believes it is important that Rey be familiar with all of the servant’s roles and even makes her take on several of them. Rey has spent long months sweeping fireplaces, turning spits in the kitchen and even, to her horror, emptying the morning pots.

Leia let her off with only two days of that particular duty. Ben looked as if he would never stop laughing at her for having to undertake such a task until Han casually reminded him of his stint emptying the pots and how, if he had forgotten what it was like, another go could be arranged. Rey chuckled as her fosterage brother suddenly fell silent.

Leia is very fond of reminding both Ben and Rey that, to be genuinely grateful for the services provided by the servants, they need to have more than a passing familiarity with the servant’s roles. Her theory is, that by carrying out all these awful tasks, it will make Ben a fairer Laird and Rey a kinder and more understanding Lady to some unknown Laird someday.

Ben would pull Rey’s hair when Leia made such intimations and ponder aloud at ‘who’d want such a scrawny bag of bones for his Lady?’ That is until Han would comment that scrawny bags of bones often have a nasty habit of turning into beautiful young women and Ben would shut up, scowling.

At Alderaan, after her morning chores, Rey would lunch with her friends Rose and Kay. Sometimes Ben, if he feels like tormenting her by turning her friends into silent adoring sycophants, joins them. Kay’s hair, pale like fresh churned butter, so unique amongst the rich browns, russet reds and deepest black colouring of most Scots, stands out. Kay is forever twirling a strand around her finger in Ben’s presence.

If Ben is aware that this is for his benefit, he does not show it.

He never appears to notice any of her friends flirting with him. Maybe because he spends the time kicking Rey under the table or pinching her. There is nothing Ben loves more than winding Rey up until her temper explodes in as dramatic a fashion as possible. She has long since learned ignoring him is the quickest way to make him stop but even so, more than one evening has found her ribs peppered with bruises.

Afternoons are dedicated to lessons from Ben’s old tutor Charles Purves, a stiff, formal man with a respect for the correct way of doing things and a love of languages. Purves is one of the main reasons Rey’s even at Alderaan. Maybe the only reason.

It is normal for girls of a certain class to have an education but the breadth and depth of education she receives here at Alderaan is unusual. Her Mam and Dad had been keen that she knew her letters and her numbers as well as a bit of Latin. Han and Leia assured them that Rey would get a good education as well as a grounding in running a large castle. This was in addition to the usual increase in familial feeling between clans that a fosterage usually brings.

For Rey, lessons come easy and she dances between Gaelic, English and Latin. Languages drip in her ear and settle in her brain with no resistance so that her tongue never stumbles over the words no matter in what language she chooses to speak, much to Purves’s delight.

After a bumpy start to their relationship Rey and Purves made much of their time together. Like most things at Alderaan, the first upset to Purves’s sensibilities came from Rey naïvely trusting Ben.

Rey thought him genuine in his offer to help her get a head start on her Latin before she commenced lessons when she first arrived. They spent a few evenings practicing strings of foreign sounding words, getting the tempo and the cadences right, sat in front of the fire in her room. The plan was that when she had her first lesson with Purves, she would be able to confidently introduce herself as Rey, daughter of Callum ‘Chewie’ Kanata who was pleased to meet Purves and looked forward to working with him.

It was Purves’s shocked face and the sniggering from behind the door that led to a prickling sense that she had been duped.

A blushing Purves had to inform her that ‘ _fututus et mori in ignis’_ did not mean ‘I look forward to working with you’ as she had been led to believe, but rather – as politely as he could put it – she had introduced herself and then stated that ‘she hoped he’d go’ he paled considerably, ‘f-ing die in a fire’. Purves himself looked scandalised for even uttering an approximation of the phrase.

At her stammered apologies, the snickering burst into gales of laughter.

Rey leapt to her feet and raced out of the room to tan Ben Solo’s hide for playing such a mean trick on her. Ben, no slouch at running, took off. With legs twice the length of hers, he easily outpaces her, leaving her angry and upset in a corridor somewhere around the third floor.

But if that long legged ejit thought Rey would cry and fuss and run away, then he did not know her and her ability to hold a grudge.

In retaliation for teaching her to swear at her tutor, Rey rubbed the insides of his kilt with itchycoo berry seeds. Watching Ben try to scratch surreptitiously whilst wearing his kilt and standing at his father’s side during clan hearings was a pleasure Rey did not tire of and fortunately for her, once itchycoo seeds get into the wool of a kilt, it takes a long time for them to work their way out again.

That first night, he watched her struggling to contain her glee at his discomfort and once the hearing was over, slipped through the crowd like a fish darting through seaweed towards her and she took off scampering to hide. Finding an empty room, she flew up the chimney, feet pressed against one side and back wedged against the other, so that she was suspended above the unlit hearth. She did not fear the telling off she would get for making such a sooty mess of her dress as much as she did Ben catching her.

She heard him opening and closing doors along the corridor. Finally, he bellows.

“My arse is red raw with scratching and yours will be too once I skelp it for you.”

Swallowing her giggle, Rey stayed hidden up that chimney well past her bed-time as there was no way she wanted a well skelpt arse for her trick.

Ben glowered at her for a few weeks but did nothing. Never even made so much as a twitch in her direction and finally Rey felt her backside was safe from a leathering. It was not until the morning she could not pry her head off her pillow that she realised he had only been biding his time.

He paid her back for the itchycoos by tarring her hair in her sleep.

True, Leia clipped him round the ear and called him a ‘fool of a boy’ and Han took him out to the stables for a whipping, but Rey suspected it was more because he had ruined a pillowcase than because she had ended up with the close-cropped hair of a laddie.

The horrible hair cut was fresh meat to Ben and his friends, Finn and Poe, and she had to endure their taunts about being a boy for the long year or so it took for her hair to grow back. Even now they still joke about how they cannot tell if she is a lad or a lassie.

It probably does not help that she insists on picking up a sword and training with the lads. Leia often mutters under her breath how unladylike it is, how uncouth, but Han indulges her. He shows her how to hold her dirk, how to stab, where to hit a man with a blade so that he won’t come at her again.

She is not allowed to fight with Ben and the other boys as they use broadswords and more recently Ben began training with a claymore. Rey sits watching and wishing she could take part. Sometimes, if he is particularly fired up on adrenalin, Ben will let Rey try and attack him with her dirk. That he always swerves out of the way only makes her more determined to stick him the next time.

On and on it goes until Leia is almost demented and Han often asks if the only lessons Rey is learning during her time here at Alderaan is how to become more sleekit and underhand than his son. But his eyes twinkle and Rey suspects despite his protests, he enjoys Ben and Rey’s long-standing war.

But the month running up to Ben’s departure sees a lessening in the frequency of their warfare as if the impending separation cools their tempers. Leia on the other hand is becoming increasingly irritable and snappish.

“Rey, Rose, stop being idle and gather me up some lavender from the herb garden.”

“Yes, Lady Leia.” Rose bobs a curtsey and goes to grab Rey’s hand.

“No, Rey, stay dear, I need a word.” Leia beckons her closer as Rose trots off to get a basket.

“Yes, Leia?” Rey had heard Leia losing her temper with Ben last night and as much as Rey enjoys it when Leia has a go at Ben, she had gone on a bit, so Rey’s quick to appear helpful. Leia obviously sees through her as she makes a ‘hrmmmph,’ noise as she looks at her from head to toe.

“Rey, it’s the dance for Ben leaving tonight.”

Rey nods and wonders how Leia could think she had missed all the preparation going on in the castle. She has been made to help sweep out the great hall as well as what feels like a million hearths. Leia’s eyebrows raise as if waiting for Rey to say something.

“A-and?” is the best she can manage, hoping Leia will fill in the blank for her.

“Child, look at you!”

Rey looks down at her serge dress and there’s a few mysterious stains and dried mud at least an inch-deep along the hem from her time outside the courtyard with Rose but nothing too out of the ordinary.

“There will be visiting clans tonight, including your Mam and Dad.”

Joy ripples through Rey, true she had seen her Mam last summer, but it had been at least two years since Dad had been able to visit.

“I will not be shamed by a filthy child.” Leia looks positively scandalised. “Get inside and tell Holdo I want you as shiny as a new pin.”

Rey bounces on her tip toes and kisses Leia on the cheek.

“Yes Mam.”

She takes off towards the doorway.

“And Rey?” she turns to her name. “I expect you to dance with Ben tonight.”

Rey is too excited at the prospect of seeing her own Mam and Dad that a wee jig with Ben Solo is low on her list of priorities and she mutters a quick ‘sure, sure’ and hastens away to find Holdo.

**

“He looks braw.”

Kay made sure she got the best view of Ben sitting at the top table with his family. Rey could have sat with her parents but after hugs and kisses had been exchanged and a bite to eat with them that afternoon, her Mam had encouraged her to go back to her friends. Rey is now sat with them at a table further down the hall, whilst her own Mam and Dad are at the top table with the Solos. The hall is crammed with bodies, so many different clans, all in alliance with Han and clan Solo.

“He looks like Ben.” says Rey, tilting her head to the side.

Rose glances over her shoulder to look up the hall.

“Exactly, that’s why he looks braw.” She giggles along with Kay.

Rey rolls her eyes. True, his hair is brushed, and he has a clean linen shirt on with his plaid. Leia must have helped him because for once his plaid hangs in even folds. It is pinned at his shoulder with a Celtic knot brooch that glints silver in the warm light being cast by the sconces along the walls. It is not a design she has seen him wear before. She must have looked too long because he looks up and catches her eye. She sticks her tongue out at him and he smirks and goes back to eating his meal.

“I am so glad you can’t see him as anything other than a brother figure.” Kay takes Rey’s hand and gives it a quick squeeze before releasing it.

Rey frowns. “Why?”

“Because it gives the rest of us a chance.” Rose laughs.

“A chance at what?” Rey is nonplussed and looks at both her friends waiting on an explanation.

“Rey, dinnea act daft. You know a marriage between the Solos and the Kanatas would be advantageous.”

Rose cocks her head to the side looking at her and Rey can feel the mouthful of chicken turn to sand in her mouth. She takes a gulp of water to help force down the food stuck in her throat.

“I’m not marrying Ben!”

“We know!” Kay says with a grin. “Han and Leia aren’t the type to insist on a marriage and I don’t think your Dad and Mam would either.” She shrugs and Rey wonders where Kay is getting all her information from. “Everyone had hoped that you two would get on and it’d be a matter of crying the banns and it’d all be done. Neat like.”

“Except…” Rose begins, and Rey turns to her.

“Except?”

“Except, you two clearly don’t like each other.”

“Hmm, I think everyone in the castle has wagered that if you two were to marry, one of you would be murdered in their sleep before the first anniversary. Wagers are now only taken on who’d be the surviving spouse.” Kay says with a grin.

“Everyone?” Rey’s heart hammers. “Everyone knows this? Does Ben know this?” she looks at both her friends wide eyed. Rose and Kay glance at each other and shrug.

“You really didn’t know?” Rose asks softly.

“No! I’m here to learn, to get my education, to learn to be a Lady like Leia.”

“Uh-hu,” Kay fixes her with a sharp eye, “And you never wondered why you were learning how to run this castle – Alderaan – just like Leia does?”

Cold skitters down her spine as the blinkers fall from her eyes. “No, I never thought about it. It didn’t cross my mind. I swear.”

Rose grabs Rey’s hand and runs her thumb over the back of it, soothing her the way you do with a nervous horse.

“Rey, it’s fine.”

Rose tries to calm her by telling her how it is a silly idea that would never work, not between the pair of them but as she is speaking, Rey looks at Ben. She looks at him harder, trying to see what Kay and Rose see when they look at him, but she cannot see anything but her pretend brother.

The boy-man that seems to spend all of his waking hours coming up with fresh ways to torment her. Ben has his head bent down as he talks with his Mam and hers. Is he talking about her? Is he arguing with them that a marriage between the pair of them would only result in misery? The light from the torches picking out the waves in his hair and for the first time she can see it. He is less of a boy now and more of a man, but she is eleven, not fit to marry anyone yet and when the time comes it certainly will not be to Ben Solo.

**

Holdo’s feast is devoured too quickly and the tables pushed back, so that the fiddlers and the drummers can begin. There’s a press of bodies as people rush to their feet to begin whirling through reels and jigs and Rey cannot help but think on Leia’s words this afternoon.

There is no way she is dancing with Ben now if everyone thinks they should be marrying. Ben is making his way through the crowd and Kay pulls her long hair over her shoulder.

“How do I look?”

“Very bonnie.” Rey supplies.

“Right, I’m going to claim a jig.” Kay rises from her seat but Rey grabs her hand.

“You can’t do that, he needs to ask you.” Purves would be scandalised by Kay’s lack of adherence to proper protocol.

“Maybe, for lassies that grow up to be Ladies, that’s the way it goes but those rules don’t apply to me.”

Kay turns her torso into the shadows and slips a hand into her bodice, giving her breasts a bit of a lift. There is not much there but there is more than there was a minute ago and Rey reflects on her own lack of bosoms briefly.

“And if you don’t want him, I’m certainly going to take my chance.”

She swoops in and pecks Rey on the cheek before moving away to meet Ben in the middle of the hall.

When they meet, Kay places a hand on his plaid, tracing the intricate silver work of his brooch with her fingertip as she looks up at him through lowered lashes.

There is a gnawing feeling in Rey’s tummy and she looks at the table as she cradles her abdomen. Her stomach aches, too much grouse as well as the rest of the fine food that Leia insisted on serving tonight. Rey has never been good at stopping when it is a feast day. She is not like Rose or Kay who will pick at bits here and there. If there is a lot of food on offer, Rey wants to try it all. It would be an affront to Holdo not to.

“That’s some scowl, Rey.” Rose notes.

“Bellyache.”

“Funny how it didn’t start until Kay spoke to Ben.”

“I… it did… before.” Rey swallows and tries again. “It’s been aching for a bit. I might head up to my room and have a wee lie down.”

Rose looks over her shoulder and Rey cannot help looking too as Ben and Kay whirl to a drum beat that is difficult to resist. The dancers link arms, spin like tops and then release each other to turn around their next partner before laughing re-join again.

“They look good together.” Rose observes and Rey nods jerkily.

Kay’s gossamer hair fans out around her with the force Ben is spinning her. His kilt lifts and sways with their movements giving a flash of long, well-muscled thighs and Rey cannot help an irrational feeling that she does not want Ben dancing with Kay which is silly given that Ben can dance with anyone.

“They do.” She forces out.

“Will you dance with him? Like Leia asked?”

“I really don’t feel well, Rose, I’m going to slip out for a bit.” Rey rises to her feet and Rose leans over the table to be heard over the noise of the musicians.

“It’s ok if you like Ben you know, people would be pleased. It’d make a great many things easier.” Rose’s dark eyes are earnest.

“It’s ok Rose, I don’t like Ben, you can have him.”

She turns to leave but cannot help stealing another look at the dancing couple, but Ben and Kay have stopped dancing and are moving closer to their table. She is swift to slip out into the corridor.

Once the heavy wooden door closes behind her, Rey takes a few steps but then stops to lean her forehead against the cool granite stones of the wall. Savouring the reprieve of the clammy heat of too many bodies, not all of them cleaned to Holdo’s and Leia’s standards. She closes her eyes, breathing slowly, enjoying the moment of stillness whilst the sounds of joyful dancing and music continue muffled in the background.

There is a flare of music before receding as the door opens and closes again and she peeks a look at the intruder in her peace.

“Why are you lurking out here?” Ben looks down on her. She closes her eyes again.

“I don’t feel well.”

“Well, I’m not surprised, it looked like you were eating half the table’s food from what I could see.”

“Did not.”

“Did so. I was watching. You gobbled down everything that you could get.”

Of course he would notice, he has teased her about her healthy appetite more than once in the past and she is sharp as she tries to dismiss him.

“Are lassies not lining up to dance with you? Should you not be back in the hall doing your turn?”

“Och, they can all wait until I speak with you, don’t you think?”

Rey moves so that her back rests against the wall and she looks up at him.

“Well, what’s so important?”

Ben crosses his arms and leans his shoulder against the wall. Despite the noise of celebration in the hall it feels like in this dark corridor it is just the two of them. Given the stories Rose and Kay have been pouring in her ear she is frightened of what he is going to say.

“I’ll not likely see you for, I don’t know how long. I expect you’ll be back in Jakku by the time I get back from university.”

“You’re only going for two years.”

“Aye but you’ve only got one year of your fosterage left, Rey. You’ll not be here when I return an educated man.”

“Hrmmph.” Rey snorts to cover up the sadness that settles on her at this thought.

She has always known she would return home one day. Longed for it in some ways, loathed the thought of it in others. So much of her life has happened here and she does not know what life will be like back at Jakku, she had only been a little bairn when she left.

She’ll miss Leia, Han, and Purves as well as her friends, but she does not have to say goodbye to them now. But she does need to say goodbye to Ben. Even though he has been like a burr in her shoe, she will miss him. Maybe more than she thought.

Rey launches herself at him and gives him a hug tight round his waist. She buries her face in his plaid so that he cannot see that a few tears have escaped. He smells warm and safe and when he puts his arms round her and strokes a circle on her back with the palm of his hand, she cannot help the choked little cry that betrays her.

“There now, it’ll not be that bad. There’ll be feast days and clan gatherings. We’ll see each other again,” he pulls her back and holds her by the shoulders, “and in the meantime, Poe and Finn have promised they’ll keep surprising you whilst I’m away.”

Rey lets out a watery laugh. “They’re no quick enough to surprise me.”

“No, they’re probably not, but they’re going to try anyways.”

Rey glances up at him and she feels it, her love for him, annoying ejit that he is. It feels warm in her chest, and she does not want to let him go but knows that she must.

“Will you dance with me just the once before you head to bed?”

“Aye.”

The music is quieter in the background and of a slower beat, more like a steady heartbeat than the frantic pace of a jig. The fiddler pulls clear notes from his instrument that speak of sadness and sorrow to Rey. She places her hand on his chest as she can’t reach his shoulder and he places his high on her back, his large palm wrapping round her shoulder blade, their other hands clasped. They sway and they shuffle in the dark corridor, walking through the paces of a dance that Leia has drilled into the both of them. As the last strains of the fiddle die, a long note that seems to hang on the air, Ben leans down and places a kiss on the middle of her forehead.

“Goodbye, Rey.”

Glossary  
Bairn – a child, usually under ten.  
Fosterage – not the same as modern day fostering. In Scotland and Ireland there was a tradition of Fosterage where it was an honour to take a child and educate them, make them part of your family to promote clan ties for several years and then they return home. In these circumstances it would be frowned upon for foster brothers and sisters to get together but hey this is fiction and I left out the complicated livestock bartering that also went along with fosterages.  
Shirk – get out of  
Kirtle – Over gown  
Garderobe – long drop toilet in a Castle (open sewer basically)  
Bannocks – flat oatmeal bread/cake can be sweetened with honey  
Laird – Person that owns a large estate  
Carding wool – comb and clean wool with a sharp toothed implement before spinning into thread/yarn.  
Sleekit – sly or cunning, not a compliment  
Galumphing – clumsy, noisy  
Ejit – idiot  
Fash – stress/worry about something  
Canny – sharp witted/good judgement  
Shinty – Scottish game like hockey but much more violent especially in medieval times  
Hold your wheisht – in Scotland we say haud yer wheisht, literally hold your silence/ be quiet  
Skelp your arse – smack your bum  
Tan your hide or leathering – a much harder smack on the bum (usually)  
Jig and reel – both mean to dance, usually fast and often with a bit of leaping and twirling, google the dashing white sergeant for (a usually very tame) example, in real ceilidhs there’s much more swinging and tossing about of people.  
Itchycoo berries – Rose hip/ wild dog rose, I actually had to google what Itchycoo berries are really called. To me they will only ever be known as itchycoos.  
Braw – looks good. In relation to Ben Solo it means ‘hot damn, let me climb that tree.’ Or at least that’s what Rey’s friends are thinking!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So pleased people seem to like this story. This is my 'squint and you might be able to call them exes chapter'. Once again huge thanks to emmy_cc for the fantastic beta work.  
> CW: There are brief discussions regarding domestic abuse. No one is abused in the story, nor are there any descriptions of abuse but it is mentioned in passing.  
> With that said I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Six Years Later – Castle Jakku

Rose writes to Rey often; Kay doesn’t know her letters well, so Rose writes for the both of them. Little snippets of life at Castle Alderaan. Like how, now that Kay is twenty, she is ready to make a match, but Poe is having none of it. Also – Rose never says it – but Rey can read there is a growing sense of admiration for Finn that comes through in each of her letters, in a way that had not been there when Rey and Rose first started writing to each other.

Rey reads of Ben and Han’s disagreements over how to manage the land rents and the cottiers. They have consistently clashed over this subject since his return from university. Ben’s education has challenged and changed his views on land management; all to the detriment, if any of Leia’s letters were to be believed.

Six years ago, Rey said goodbye to all at Castle Alderaan and returned to her home but the familial feeling a fosterage embeds in the hearts of all that take part, remains.

Han writes infrequently, but he adds his opinions often to Leia’s letters. Ben rarely writes but sends funny sketches of scenes at the castle, tucked in with his Mam’s missives. His last one featured a lovestruck Kay chasing Poe round the courtyard. The rendering so true she can imagine the scene. Ben never writes about his arguments with Han nor his Mam’s attempts at finding him a match. Rey only hears of these things from the letters of others.

Spring is starting to mellow into summer when Leia writes, inviting all of the Kanatas to another clan gathering. It is the first the Solos have hosted since Rey left Alderaan. Returning to see the Solos and her friends for a few days is the good news Rey had not realised she had been waiting on. Memories rush her; the clans crowding the room, Holdo’s feasts, music and dancing, all the more golden for the lapse in years.

“Will we be going Mam?” She asks with excitement in her voice.

“We should, it’s good to keep alliances strong.” Maz twists her handkerchief in her hands and paces Rey’s chamber. “There’s also the matter of finding you a match…” Maz lets the suggestion drift, watching her daughter’s face twist in confusion.

“A match? I don’t need to make a match yet. You said I could make a love match, like you and Dad.”

At eighteen, Rey is considered a good age to begin looking, but it is not an idea she has given much consideration to. Mainly because she knows everyone at Jakku and there isn’t anyone here she would consider looking at twice.

Small estates, like Jakku rarely host feast days for others outside of their lands. Rey and her family always travel to the larger castles for such events. Her experience of meeting possible matches has been limited, even she is willing to admit that.

“You’re eighteen lass, it’s time you start looking.” Her Mam cups Rey’s face gently and smiles. “Besides, if you’re looking for a love match, you have to meet a laddie or two. There’s no better place than a gathering for that.” Maz pats her cheek and turns away. “Should be easy for a lassie as bonnie as you.”

“Oft, you see with eyes blinded by love Mam.” She flushes but thrills inside at her Mam’s praise.

“Maybe aye, maybe naw. But it doesn’t hurt to be bonnie when you’re looking for a laddie of your own.”

“If we’re looking at a gathering the laddies will all be deep in their cups and I could look like the back end of a horse and it wouldn’t matter.” She scoffs.

“But Rey, who says it’s the laddie that’ll be doing the choosing?” Maz asks innocently and then waggles her eyebrows making Rey laugh.

**

Two long damp days sitting side-saddle on a horse accompanied by her parents and old Lando leaves both her backside and her ears sore.

Lando has a story about everyone Rey has ever met and everyone she has not.

He knows the social standing of all attending the gathering and by the sounds of things, most of Lowland Scotland. Rey suspects her Mam brought him along to help weed through prospective matches rather than provide protection for the journey.

That the cut and design on his travelling cloak is more akin to that of a dandy than a swordsman, rather gives it away.

Given how most of his stories begin, Rey deduces Lando is a skilled gambler, well versed in reading people and ferreting out juicy gossip. At the start of every story her Dad glances over at her and rolls his eyes. He never disputes the veracity of Lando’s tales with words, but his face says it all.

Riding to the brow of the hill, Rey pulls on Sorcha’s reins taking in the land below that slopes way before flattening into arable farmland. With relief Rey recognises the familiar boat like shape of Castle Alderaan.

The castle sits on the spur of land that extends into the river, flanking it with water on either side. Her breath catches in her chest at the sight of it. Now the castle is laid out before her, she realises how much she has missed the place. Her mother draws up beside her.

“Aye, this place was good for you.” Maz smiles.

“Aye, you were right to send me.” Turning to face her Mam, she tucks a strand of hair pulled free by the wind behind her ear. “It didn’t feel like it at first but now I can see it was for the best.”

“Your old Mam knows what’s good for you.”

Maz digs her heel into the flank of her horse to move on. Rey pauses a moment longer taking in the castle, before chasing after the other riders down the hillside.

**

“Rey!”

Rose is running out of the courtyard across the grass, dodging sheep to meet her. Rey pulls tightly on Sorcha’s reigns to stop and begins to dismount. She is barely on the ground when Rose is hugging her tightly, rocking her from side to side. “You’re here.” Rose releases her friend and looks her over from head to toe. “Good Lord lass, you’ve changed.”

“I’m not such a wee thing anymore.” Rey laughs at Rose’s shocked expression and gathering Sorcha’s reins in her hand, they walk back towards the portcullis.

“No, you are not. It’s so good to have you here.” Rose squeezes Rey’s free hand. “Your old room is set up for you. You can go wash the dust of the road off of you, then you’re going to take a bite to eat with Leia and Han – maybe Ben if he’s back from the cottiers – then after that we can catch up proper. Kay’s in the kitchens now but Holdo said she can get away then so that we can talk.”

“Yes, and you can tell me everything that’s happening with you and Finn.”

Rose blushes prettily.

“Nothing’s going on.”

“That’s not what it sounds like from your letters.” Rey quirks an eyebrow at the bashful look on Rose’s face.

“I like him.” She says quietly.

“More than you liked Ben all those years ago?” Rey teases.

“Aye, much more. Ben’s still a braw looking lad but he’s no meant for the likes of me. He’s needing a Lady.” Rose gives Rey a side glance. “Are you looking forward to seeing him again?”

Rey grins. “Very much so, I’ve missed the big ejit. But right now, I need a wee wash and a rest.”

Rose calls over a boy Rey doesn’t recognise and after removing the saddlebags from Sorcha, the boy takes the sweating beast to the stables to give it a rub down and some hay.

**

The water in the ewer is cold and fresh. Rey pours some into the bowl, dipping a cloth in and begins wiping the grime of traveling from her skin. Thanks to riding for two day in the Scottish drizzle, her hair is a disaster. Pulling the ribbon from her hair, Rey picks up the bone comb and section by section pulls it through the snarled hair. It takes some effort but by the time she is finished, it is hanging smooth and waved around her face. She is about to tie it up when there is a knock on the door.

“Come in, Mam.” Still facing the mirror, she continues to fix her hair.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been mistaken for a wee woman,” at his deep voice Rey spins round, “actually, I’m not sure I ever have been.”

“Ben!”

He is so much broader than she remembers. He was always tall but now his gangling frame has bulk from muscles that had not been there the last time she saw him.

“How is little Rey?”

He looks her over but unlike when Rose did it, Rey feels herself blush at his scrutiny. Flustered she rushes to answer him.

“Good. I can’t believe I’m here. It’s been so long.”

There is a soft look on his face as he smiles and agrees. It is so different from the mocking smiles she remembers from childhood.

Flustered, she turns the conversation back to him. “Are you an educated man now?”

“That I am. Not that it does Alderaan much good seeing as Dad and Mam refuse to listen to any of the advice they bought with my expensive education.”

At his exasperated tone, Rey is reminded of his long running battle with his father to have his ideas heard and appreciated.

“Maybe you should be introducing your ideas through your Mam?”

Flushing, Ben is quick to ask. “What do you mean?”

“Ah, dinnea fash, Ben. But you and your Dad were never good at listening to each other but excellent at shouting. Maybe if you convince Leia, she’d couch your ideas in terms your Dad might be more agreeable to.”

He reaches out and pulls a hank of her hair. “You always were too quick by half.”

“Had to be with you trying to trick me at every turn.”

Ben shrugs as if his playing tricks on her was of little importance.

“Och, I only did it to stop you feeling homesick.”

“No, you didn’t.” Rey blinks in surprise.

“Yes, I did. Think about it, were you homesick and sad when you were plotting your revenge against me? No, you weren’t. I was only trying to help you out.”

Ben looks as if he believes the nonsense he is spouting. Rey shakes her head. Turning back to the mirror once more, she finishes pulling her hair back with a ribbon.

“I might have believed you if it you’d stopped once I settled in, but I remember it being a five-year campaign of terror as well as the insults. I was a scrawny bag of bones if I remember right.” She glances at him in the mirror.

Ben is looking at the floor as he mutters to himself. “You know what Dad always said about bag of bones little girls.” He smiles and raises his head. “There’s no mistaking you for a laddie now, not in those skirts.”

Rey looks over her shoulder at him.

“Good, seeing as Mam is determined to try and get me a match at this gathering.” She makes a cross eyed face at him.

“Not looking like that you’re not.” He says, laughing.

“Ah well, can’t say I didn’t try,” Rey shrugs, “I even brushed my hair and everything.”

“That you did.”

There is a flash of mischief in his eyes as he reaches out and pulls the ribbon from her hair. It falls in heavy waves round her face.

“Oi.”

He is already backing out of the room.

“Leia’s chambers, five minutes, don’t be late,” he puts on a mock frown, “you should really do something with your hair, Rey, you look a right mess.”

He bolts from the room before she can throw something at him.

**

“Oh my, what a bonnie lassie you’ve become Rey.”

Leia crushes her in a hug. There is nothing but love shining from her foster Mam’s face.

“Don’t give her a big head, she’s not that fine.”

Ben is lounging next to Han, who does a quarter turn in his chair and looks down his nose at his son.

“I don’t think we’re looking at the same lassie.” Han comments.

Leia leans back to take in Rey’s figure.

“Pay him no mind, Rey.” She throws her son a dirty look. “It’ll be a different story when he can’t dance a jig with you tomorrow at the gathering because of all the other laddies claiming one.”

Rey looks at Ben and there is a flush rising on his cheekbones. He picks some lint off his plaid and snorts.

“I don’t have any shortage of dance partners.”

Leia rolls her eyes. “Believe me, we know.” She takes in his reclining figure. “We’re all getting a bit tired of waiting on you to make a match.”

“Speaking of matches,” Maz says drawing Leia’s attention to her, “I have Lando doing his usual; ferreting out secrets and making sure that Rey here doesn’t inadvertently get married to the wrong type.” Maz shakes her head. “But you know Lando, it’ll be a family outline he’ll provide rather than information on the actual lad. Ben, you could help Rey out by letting her know which laddies aren’t to be trusted.”

Maz inclines her head towards Ben who looks like his mind has only just caught up on Maz’s words. He sits up straighter.

“I can’t lie, most of the clans have got their fair share of scallywags so Rey might not find anyone here.”

“They can’t be any more of a scallywag than you, Ben Solo.” Rey exclaims.

“She’s got the measure of you there.” Han pats his son on the shoulder laughing. “Rey’s always seen through our Ben here.”

Ben throws a scowl at Rey for her contribution to the conversation.

There is a knock on the door. Kay brings in a tray of refreshments and serves them with perfect decorum but on turning to leave, she throws an excited grin in Rey’s direction. Rey feels desperate to go join her friends but forces herself to settle into the serious business of catching up as they all reacquaint themselves with each other. By and by the conversation turns from enquiries after Chewie’s health and what Rey and Maz have been up to, to how the castle is running. Later, in a carefully neutral voice, Leia comments.

“It is so good that you are here for this gathering, because Ben will be leaving us again soon.”

“Leaving?” Rey looks right at Ben who gives a non-committal shrug.

“My land management techniques aren’t exactly appreciated here.”

Han snorts, then takes a sip of his whiskey. Ben’s sideways look at Han encapsulates everything unsaid about their relationship.

“Uncle Luke has similar ideas to mine. He’d like to try them at Ahch-To.”

“Ahch-To? But that’s a good eight- or nine-days hard ride from here.” Rey said.

It is silly but Rey does not want Ben to go when she has only just got him to herself again. She should not be so upset given that she is only going to be at Castle Alderaan for three days. What did it matter to her what Ben does when she is safely back at Jakku?

“Aye, I’ve done the journey a couple of times, it’s not so bad.” Ben confirms.

“But are you not needed here?” Maz asks, looking between Leia and Han.

“Och Maz, I’m still hale and hearty, a couple of years to get this madness out of his head will be good for him and if I’m honest, I’d rather he fails on Luke’s lands than on mine.”

Han is too busy enjoying his joke with Chewie that he does not see the dark shadow cross Ben’s face and Rey can tell that his father’s lack of faith in him cuts deep. There is a need in her to soothe his feelings. A need that has never been there before.

“I’m sure you’ll be very successful, and Han will be clamouring to get you back.”

Rey is rewarded with the brightening of Ben’s countenance until Han quips.

“Are you trying to match with our Ben? Because let me remind you Rey, you two are as likely to kill each other as kiss.”

“Och, don’t be daft.” Rey tries to bluster her way through her embarrassment, but it is made worse by Ben watching her with narrowed eyes.

“People change,” Han looks at Ben, whose eyes haven’t left her face, “they grow up, do they not?”

Ben nods. “Aye they do.”

At Ben’s unexpected agreement all of the parents shoot glances at one another and there is a tension in the room that had not been there a moment ago. Rey stands and clasps her hands in front of her.

“Might I be excused to see Rose and Kay?” She is waved off by her parents.

Ben looks as if he is about to request to join her, but Rey cuts him off.

“You stay, we’ll only bore you with our talk.”

His disappointment as she slips from the room is only because he is stuck with his parents, she is sure.

**

In her search for Kay and Rose, Rey stops in at the kitchens and gets a hug and an apple from Holdo, plus an idea of where her friends might be. She finds them in the hall exactly were Holdo said they would be.

Sitting at the table, Rey pulls her dirk from her pocket, unsheathes it and quarters the apple. She offers a piece each to her friends and in no time they are chatting as if the last six years had not been spent apart. Rey bites into the juicy tart flesh of the apple, chews and asks Rose and Kay question after question until finally she asks the one that had been in the forefront of her mind since she sat down.

“So, what about Poe?”

“Ach, what about him?” Kay tosses her hair. “If he can’t see that he’s missing out by not matching with me, then hell mend him.”

“You don’t mean that. Only last week when Bazine was sniffing about, you ran her off.” Rose says.

“Course I did, and I’d do the same for you if she came anywhere near Finn.” Kay replies as if any other course of action would be unimaginable.

“Who’s Bazine?” Rey asks.

Rose leans forward and looks over Rey’s shoulder.

“If you turn round, she’s talking to Ezra, the lad with red hair, but do it subtle like.”

Rey does her best to peek over her shoulder quickly. A slim brunette with a wide smile and pretty eyes is charming a besotted looking Ezra.

“She’s fair of face but no very fair of character if you know what I mean.” Kay warns and Rose nods at her side.

“What do you mean?”

“Good at spinning yarns and not much else. Desperate to make a match, given her Dad’s a bit heavy with his fists.”

Rey tries for another glimpse, but she doesn’t glean much more than Bazine has a vivacious way about her. If she needs to get away from a difficult situation, Rey hopes when she does make a match, it is to a good man.

“For a while we thought she’d try for Ben, but Leia was having none of it.” Rose raises her eyebrows knowingly. “But believe me Bazine will try her luck with him any chance she can.”

At this, Rey feels less charitable towards the brunette but refuses to acknowledge why that might be.

**

That evening, Rey links arms with her Dad as they make their way to the great hall and chatters excitedly.

“You have to try Holdo’s breads and when she roasts a goose, I don’t know what she does, but it just tastes amazing.”

“You best not let Jyn hear you talking like that.” Her Dad chuckles.

“Och, Jyn is great but Holdo’s cooking is out of this world. It’s probably what I missed most when I left Castle Alderaan.” 

Rey pauses, considering the truth in this statement.

“Is that so? And here I was thinking you might’ve missed me a bit.”

Rey grins at Ben as he catches up with them.

“No, I don’t reckon I did miss you.” Rey jokes.

Ben looks a little taken aback at her words and her smile falls from her face.

“Here son, you escort Rey into supper.”

Chewie lifts her hand from his arm and places it on Ben’s forearm. It is a simple gesture and one they had carried out numerous times when she lived there but somehow this time it feels different and Rey nervously hopes her hand does not start to sweat onto his linen shirt. Ben gives a small smile down at her, subduing her sudden rush of nerves.

“It’d be my pleasure.”

He pats the hand resting on him as if to assure himself she is really there. At the gesture, Rey looks down, but she can feel a satisfied smile creep onto her face until her Mam chips in.

“Ben, can you point out potential matches for Rey, tonight? Give her an idea of who best to accept a dance from tomorrow.”

He repeats his assurances to Maz, but as they go to sit, Rey rolls her eyes and he has to cover up his laugh with a cough.

The food is as good as she remembers and for a large portion of the meal Rey simply eats. Too preoccupied by the different tastes she fails to be a good conversation partner.

“I see you haven’t lost that appetite of yours.”

“You’re spoiled, you don’t know how good a cook Holdo is.”

“Aye, she knows her stuff but if you’d stop shoving more of it in your face, I can maybe point out a few clansmen to you.”

Rey rolls her eyes. “Don’t bother.”

“Why not?” Ben puts his cup down. “Do you –? Do you have your eye on someone already?”

Rey shakes her head, and he picks up his wine again.

“No. But I’m looking for a love match. I don’t want to be parcelled up and delivered to some man because I’m fertile land he wants to plough.”

Ben chokes on his wine and once he manages to swallow, laughs at her.

“Aye, I wouldn’t start any conversations tomorrow with how you’re fertile land to plough Rey. You might get more offers than you can handle.”

It only takes a beat for Rey to realise what Ben is referring to.

“I didn’t mean that.”

“I know you didn’t, but they’ll not.”

She huffs. “This is why I don’t want to look for anyone, I’m too young.”

Ben tilts his head and regards her with all seriousness. His scrutiny feels intense and Rey busies herself by taking another bite of the tart on her plate.

“You’re not too young Rey, but if you don’t want to wed, you shouldn’t let anyone force you.”

“No one is.”

She holds his eyes until he nods, seeming satisfied with her answer.

“Right, seeing as I’m here,” she takes a deep breath in, “you might as well tell me who is my best choice.”

Ben leans back on his chair and surveys the room.

“I would say Finn and Poe are two of the best but seeing as they are more or less taken, they’re not for you.” He nods towards a dark-haired man speaking with friends. “Cal, sensible lad, good family, decent education, never lifted a hand to a lassie as far as I know, and is future Laird of Naboo Keep, which is about two days ride from Jakku.”

Rey knows Cal. He is, as Ben says, a decent man.

“Every time I meet Cal, I feel he is slowly killing me with boredom. I always wonder how long I have to stay in his company before I can excuse myself.” Shaking her head and biting her lip to stop herself from laughing, she cuts her eyes to Ben. “If I was wed to him, I think I would poison myself to end the tedium.” 

“Alright.” He leans in towards her. “What about… ah, Isolder of Hapes? Quite a castle you’d be running with him.”

“Aye and I’d be burying him in about five years given the age and the girth of him.”

Ben leans back in his chair and lets out an exaggerated sigh.

“I guess there’s nothing else for it, you’ll just have to wed…”

He leaves her hanging and her heartbeat picks up a fraction as she waits, terrified, to hear what he has to say.

“Charles Purves.”

Rey digs into his side with her elbow as he laughs.

“That man has been in love with you since you could perfectly recite all his Latin lessons after about a week.”

“I’m not marrying our old teacher.” She grumbles.

“Quite right. I don’t think he’d have you, anyway. I think he’d be more interested in young Ezra, to be honest.”

Rey blushes at his ribald way of talking.

“Ah dinnae fash Rey, what’s your family motto again? ‘ _Amor Patitur Moras’_ , ‘Love endures delay’? I think you’ve got plenty of time, you’re only eighteen.” He gives her a smile that makes his dark eyes crinkle at the edges.

“Yes, it’s you that needs to get a move on at twenty-four. I’m surprised Leia hasn’t hounded you into a marriage already.”

“Remember my family motto _‘In Ardua Tendit’_?”

“’He attempts difficult things.’”

“Aye well living with Han and Leia definitely qualifies as attempting difficult things do you not think?” he leans in and brushes a lock of her hair over her shoulder, “I’ll not be pushed into doing anything I don’t want to do.”

Rey takes a sip of wine to cover the fluttery feeling she gets from his touch.

**

In the pale morning light, there is a fine mist, a haar, over the top of the water. The rising sun holds the promise that it will burn off, leaving a rare dry Scottish spring day. More guests arrive for the gathering. The castle is bustling as some come into the hall for provisions and some set up camp just outside the courtyard.

Rey makes her way down for her own breakfast and is pleased to find Ben there already. She ladles herself some porridge and drizzles a thin stream of honey over a warm bannock and makes her way to sit with him.

“What does the day have in store for Lady Rey?”

“Whatever your Mam wants me to do I guess.”

Ben leans forward on his elbows. “Do you want to visit a couple of cottiers with me?”

Rey mirrors his move. “If by visit cottiers you mean take a wee horse ride and escape, or stay here and help with preparations?” With a supercilious arch of her eyebrow, she answers her own question. “Yes, but the only downside to that plan is your company.”

“Och, you like my company just fine. Eat your breakfast and I’ll get your mount ready. What did you ride in on?”

“A chestnut mare, answers to Sorcha.”

“I’ll ready her. Meet me by the stables when you’re done.”

Barely fifteen minutes pass and Rey’s hurrying out to the stables. She has asked Rose to let her Mam and Dad know where she is going after she has left so there is no risk of being denied the outing.

When she reaches the door of the stables, Ben is gently stroking the velvety muzzle of her mare. The beast tosses its head as Rey enters and then nibbles at his ear through his hair making him smile.

“Sorcha likes me better than you.”

“Aye, that’s cause she’s a dumb animal. Let’s get going before Leia calls me back.”

**

The ground flies beneath their horse’s hooves. Rey had expected with the gathering, Ben would stay closer to the castle, but he is spurring his mount harder and faster. Even though Sorcha’s swift, Rey ends up trailing him. It is irritating, he always was an excellent horseman.

They have been to one cottier already. Rey stayed outside talking with the wife and a couple of small tousled headed bairns as Ben went in to discuss whatever he needed to talk about with the husband. On the way to the second, Rey feels the need to stop for water and to rest her mare for a bit. Presently they stop by one of the tributaries that snake across the lands of Alderaan on their way to join with the sea, to give the horses some respite.

The sun is high, past midday. Rey sits on a wide flat rock near the edge of the brook. Feeling the warmth of the sun on her face, she tilts her face back to soak up the light.

“You’re not supposed to do that, you’ll get freckles.”

“Och, there’s so much I’m not supposed to do.” She cracks open one eye. “Besides you’re one to talk, with the constellation of moles all over your face.”

Ben contemplates this and nods.

“I saw it in you yesterday, you still have that independence you always had.”

Rey shrugs and closes her eye again. Ben leans against the trunk of the tree and watches her for a bit before asking hesitantly.

“You’ll need a husband that’ll be tolerant of that, won’t you?”

Rey leans forward and looks at him. Unsure if she should read something into his words or ignore it. She’s tentative with her reply.

“I guess. But I’m not sure I want someone who wants a version of me and not who I really am.”

“But isn’t that what we are all doing when we are looking for a match? Showing a side that maybe doesn’t exist, but that others might like better than who we really are?”

Ben pushes off from the tree and walks over to sit on the rock next to hers. She could touch his arm if she leaned a little to her left, but she doesn’t.

“It’s not so bad for you. You’re a man, pick the wrong wife and you might get saddled with a nag who scolds you all day long,” she glances at him but he’s looking at his hands, “and knowing you Ben, there would be a lot to scold.”

Rey contemplates on her next words before continuing.

“It’s harder for a lass. Get the wrong husband and you can end up in poverty because he’s a gambler or a drunk or worse, he could be free with his hands.” She reaches down and plucks out three long strands of grass and begins plaiting the grass. “I think that’s why Mam is so grateful to have Lando here, she wants to know as much about the man I match with as possible to try and avoid that happening.”

She looks up at him and he is openly studying her.

“I wouldn’t want you to be scared of your husband.”

There is such sincerity in his eyes, it is difficult to look at him. She pretends to be engrossed with the grass plait she is twisting round her fingers.

“As I said, Mam will move heaven and earth to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“Good,” but his voice catches, and he clears his throat before repeating the same word, “good.”

He squints up to the position of the sun in the sky.

“We best be off if we want to see McCall and get back in time.”

**

There is a scant half hour for Rey to change out of her serviceable serge kirtle and into her deep blue gown. When they get back, her Mam combs out her hair, whilst complaining bitterly that Rey smells of horse. Rey tunes out the stream of admonishments of how she should have come back earlier to get ready and thinks on how Ben had looked at her down by the stream.

He has never looked at her like that before. As if she is a person worth talking to and spending time with as opposed to a child to tease and play tricks on. It makes her feel special. As if she is someone important. Someone important to him.

She does not have to suffer the sharp edge of Maz’s tongue for too long. Ben comes to collect her to escort her to the meal. At the sight of him, she feels happier than she has in a long time. Not that Rey has been unhappy. Just here, with him, feels like home.

At the meal Rey takes the stewed meats and breads, enjoying their richness. But sitting next to Ben she finds she is drinking deeply of her wine to calm her nerves. She is perhaps a wee bit tipsier than she would be normally but tonight is a celebration.

Ben outlines the plan for the evening: feasting, dancing, oath taking and then more dancing. The hall is alive with people, most Rey doesn’t know, but she sees a few familiar faces along with her friends.

Her excitement and nerves for this night has Rey reaching to pour another wine when Ben catches her hand. Clasping it in his, he tucks her hand and his, under the table.

“I think we’ll get you a wee water.”

He reaches over and pours water in her cup all whilst still holding her hand. He does not let go when he puts the jug down. Rey turns to look at him and he tilts his head in response, she shakes her head and goes back to people watching.

He does not let go of her for the rest of the meal.

As the room is prepared for dancing, he leans closer and whispers.

“Will you dance a jig with me?”

“Aye.”

Is it the effect of the wine making her face heat? The feeling does not fade as he leads her to the floor.

For Rey, dancing is a joy; throwing yourself into the dance until you are sweating and laughing from sheer exhilaration. She has always been keen to take part in any jig or reel for this reason.

Dancing with Ben is all this and more.

When their bodies move into close contact she wants to grab and keep him there with her. When they separate to twirl away from each other she is only longing to be back in his arms again. He is twirling the partner on his left and laughing good naturedly as he _pas de basques_ with the stranger before turning back to gather Rey to him.

It is as if a flint has struck steel; the spark in her chest. 

It is clear to her now. It is Ben. It is Ben she wants.

If she has to make a match and she must, soon. She wants it to be with Ben.

Rey’s smile flickers from small to huge as the feeling swells inside of her.

He is swinging her round, but he looks just as happy as she does. The music ends and she drops into the usual curtsey and he gives a slight bow. As he is rising, he whispers to her.

“Rey, I…”

Her eyes widen and he gives a slight shake to his head, takes her by the wrist and leans in close.

“Meet me in the second alcove in the corridor after the next dance, the one you always used to hide in. Please.”

She holds his dark eyes for a moment and nods her agreement.

Turning away from him and biting her lip to stop her face from splitting into a grin, she makes sure to dance with her Dad so that she is seen without Ben. She does not look for him, does not watch the doors but spins round with her Dad feeling like she can float away. When the song ends, she kisses her Dad on the cheek, indicates she is going to the garderobe and weaves her way through the people, to get to the door.

Her excitement makes it difficult to do anything other than take little shallow breathes that sends her head spinning from lack of oxygen.

Or maybe this is the effect Ben has on her now.

She slips towards the alcove and ducks behind its covering heavy drape. No light penetrates the hangings, she cannot see but she can hear sounds. The sounds of lips against lips, deep sighs and groans and the rustling of cloth. Rey, acutely embarrassed to have stumbled upon another couple, thinks she must be in the wrong alcove. She takes a step back, allowing a slice of light to illuminate the couple.

Bazine is between Ben’s legs, her hand sliding under the edge of his kilt and stroking the hard muscle of his thigh. He has his hands deep in her hair as he kisses her. As the light spills over them, he pulls back tilting Bazine’s face away from being seen. Trying to protect that harlot’s dignity. He blinks owlishly at her.

“I see my presence is not required, my Lord.”

It is painful to even look at them. Flicking the drape open, she rushes back towards the entry of the hall. There is a scuffle behind her.

“Rey, wait!”

Rey picks up her speed and pushes into the hall before he reaches her. She is too free with her elbows as she makes her way through the dancers, but she does not care. She is soon seated and reaching for a fresh glass of wine.

“Rey? Did something happen?” Her Mam says taking in her flushed face and glassy eyes.

“Nothing. It’s just very warm in here.”

Ben reaches the top table in a rush but slows to a stop. She fixes him with a glare when it looks like he is going to sit with her. At a slower pace he makes to sit at the opposite side of her Mam. He engages Maz in conversation but keeps throwing looks Rey’s way as she drinks and makes daft scoffing noises to herself.

How could she have been so stupid? This is Ben. Ben who always had to have the last word. Always had to put her down with some comment or other but this has to be his cruellest trick yet.

Her Mam and Dad rise to dance a quadrille with Leia and Han. Ben slides along the bench towards her.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

She angles her body away from him as he keeps facing front and in a low voice he mutters.

“Aye but I’ve got plenty to say to you.”

“You don’t need to say anything. You won, well done, it was a good laugh but I think I’m done now.”

“What the bloody hell are you talking about?”

“You. You tricked me into thinking we might… we might…” she takes a deep breath and lets it out slow. “It doesn’t matter now. I know it’s all another one of your tricks.”

“You know nothing.” He turns fully towards her.

“You’re making a scene.” She hisses.

“I’m making a scene? You’re the one accusing me of lying to you.”

Rey spins round on the bench until they are almost nose to nose.

“Did I not just find you with your tongue halfway down another lassie’s throat and her hand up your kilt?”

“Yes but –”

“Then I don’t think we have anything else to say.”

She rises to her feet and Ben does likewise.

“Stop Rey.”

“No, you stop.” She jabs her finger into his shoulder. “I have no desire to stay here and listen to you lie through your teeth nor do I want to watch you take an oath of honour and fealty in front of your father and the rest of the clans, when I know what a detestable lying scumbag you are.”

His mouth gapes and she gathers her skirts to her as she hurries to exit the hall.

Glossary

Cottier – Rural farmer living in a cottage on the Lairds estate.

Scallywags – mischief makers

Spins a yarn – a good story teller/liar

pas de basques – that leaping from foot to foot dance move that everyone does when the think of Scottish dancing.

Fealty – Formal acknowledgement of loyalty to a Laird or Lord.

Kinsmen – a blood relative

Clansmen – A group consisting of interrelated families. This might be blood relatives, might be related by law and again might be families accepted into the group with no familial relation but with a sworn fealty to the chief of the clan.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks go again to Emmy-cc for her fantastic betaing.  
> CW: People die in this chapter, mainly off screen and one as part of the story but nothing graphic. Please remember this fic is complete and it very firmly has a HEA policy in place.

A two-day journey on a horse for Rey is nothing. She started riding as a bairn after all, but the looks exchanged between her parents and Lando? They are more painful than the first day’s fifteen miles of rough terrain on horseback on her arse.

Lando, the old gossip, knows, and at some point on the journey he will spill Rey’s secrets like a freshly cooked haggis slit down the middle. 

Rey’s mood isn’t helped by memories of Ben trailing after her, trying to explain himself. Stinking of stale booze like half the men in the hall taking breakfast.

_“She kissed me.”_

_Rey rolls her eyes and picks up the honey spurtle to drizzle her bannock._

_“It was dark, I didn’t realise –”_

_She glares at him and he shuts up for a bit, picks up a bowl and puts it down again. He moves closer as she goes to walk away, his sour whiskey breath warm against her cheek._

_“Look, I didn’t know it wasn’t you, and I should have. Okay? I’m sorry Rey.”_

On it went, ad nauseum, until Rey wanted to smash her bowl of porridge over his head to silence him.

His apologising only made it worse.

It did not stop her seeing them when she closed her eyes. It did not stop her thinking of them. Will they get together now, or is Bazine as much a victim of Ben’s trick as her?

The horses pound their way through the miles, drawing ever closer to Jakku. But the day had threatened rain and as the evening draws in, it starts, and her Dad decides the upcoming copse of trees will make good shelter for the night.

Sliding off of Sorcha, she gives the beast a grateful thump on the flank before retrieving a woollen blanket from under the saddle. It smells horsey but the wool is soft. It is comforting to be surrounded by the warm horse blanket as the damp chill of the evening air settles around them. 

The fire set by Lando and Dad crackles. Both men leave to seek out any firewood unaffected by the wet weather in the undergrowth. Seating herself on the grass not far from the sparking heat she accepts the bread and cheese her Mam offers her.

“We don’t have much time lass before the men get back. I reckon you don’t want to say too much in front of old Lando but something ills you.”

Rey tears at the dry crust and pops it in her mouth chewing hard to soften it. Her Mam waits.

“It’s silly.”

“Nothing that causes you to be this upset is silly child.”

Rey gives a weary smile.

“That obvious?”

“Aye.”

“I thought – you know how Ben and I were getting on? I thought, maybe…”

“Maybe you might make a match?” her Mam supplies. Rey looks away but gives a curt nod. Maz sighs. “I think we all did, love.”

“Oh.”

Is it worse that everyone else thought the same as her or better? Can she take comfort knowing it wasn’t just her he fooled?

“Aye, he certainly looked as if he was going to ask your Dad for you.”

Maz breaks off and looks into the dark wood, listening for the men but hearing only sounds of wildlife, she turns back to Rey.

“Your Dad, he would’ve been thrilled, you know.”

Rey stares blankly into the fire at the glowing wood.

“What with Han and him being like brothers, the lands edging each other… aye it would have been good, but something happened.” Maz falls quiet letting Rey trap herself on the end of her hook.

“I found him,” the blush feels like it is all over her body, she does not look at her mother, “I found him kissing that lass Bazine.”

“And you’d no inkling he liked her?”

Rey bites her lip and pulls at the blanket some, unsure how to start.

“Rey, I do know what it feels like to be eighteen and have your head turned by a fine laddie, we’ll just not tell your Dad. Now go on.”

“Well, he asked me to meet him outside the great hall, in an alcove, you know.” She is so ashamed but Maz cuts across her laughing.

“Aye, then what happened?”

“He left first, I waited for a dance before I went.” She swallows. “When I pulled the drape back, he was there but kissing her, Bazine, and she, she’d her hand under his kilt,” Maz’s eyebrows shoot into her hairline, “just on his thigh. I think. He was holding her and kissing her.” Rey drops her head “I told him that he didn’t need an extra lassie and left.”

“Aye, right upset you were when you came back in.” Maz reaches across and takes Rey’s hand in hers, tucking Rey’s chilled fingertips into her warm palm. “What did he say to you?”

_Does it matter what he said?_

She gives her Mam a shrug.

“He said he didn’t know it wasn’t me, but this? It’s what he does. He’s always warring and playing tricks on me, has done for forever. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him.”

Maz stokes the fire and the top log falls from the pile. It rolls to the earth in a cloud of red sparks. Rey gives it a quick prod with the toe of her shoe back into the body of the fire.

When Maz speaks again, it’s tentative. “What if he did make a mistake Rey?”

Rey snorts. “He didnae.”

She pulls the blanket as tight as it can go round her shoulders and her Mam pats her hand. They stare into the fire, silent, until the men return.

**

If the Devil makes work for idle hands, then he would not have found any quarter at Castle Jakku. Maz’s remedy for heartache is work and plenty of it. There is no time to mope when there is a harvest to bring in, wool to card and spin into skeins, honeycombs to drain. Not to mention melting and purifying the bees wax to make dipped candles, all on top of her usual tasks.

Work crowds Ben Solo out of her mind.

It is not until it is dark, and she is alone in her room, that there is time and space for him to creep back into her head and her heart. There are benefits to Maz’s plan of action, being busy keeps her exhausted. Ben only gets five minutes at night to walk through her mind, taunting her, before she is drifting off to sleep.

**

Castle Jakku, with fields shorn short and the evening light disappearing a bit earlier each day, is nearing the end of the harvest field work when the messenger comes.

Messengers have no idea what they carry in those slips of paper. Good news, bad news, it all looks the same. A little bit of paper, folded and sealed, waiting to change the lives of those who read it.

Her Mam ushers her into her parent’s chambers and shuts the door. Mam fussing, with a handkerchief in hand, hovers near her Dad. Rey looks at him sitting at his desk with his bent back and a hand covering his eyes as the square of paper lies adrift on the empty space of his work surface.

It all looks so unfamiliar to her that fear keeps her frozen by the door.

Mam rubs soothing circles across her Dad’s shoulders as a tear escapes under his hand and drips onto the single piece of paper below.

“Rey, love, sit down.”

Mam beckons her but never leaves her Dad’s side. Shuffling to the edge of her parent’s bed, she sits and waits. By why? Whatever is contained in that letter – she feels it in the pit of her stomach – it is something she doesn’t want to know.

“You’ll know Ben and Han were making their way North to Castle Ahch-To? For Ben to work with Luke?”

Rey nods, Ahch-To is in the North West Highlands of Scotland near the Islands. Beautiful, situated as if it is floating on the loch or so Ben said. It is a good eight- or nine-days hard riding from Castle Alderaan. Both Leia and Ben complained about that journey often. Only Han seemed to enjoy it. He relishes sleeping under the stars with little more than a travelling cloak and his plaid between him and the Scottish wilderness. An adventurer at heart, he used to entertain Rey for hours with tales of where he had been and the people he had met when he got there.

“Damn clan Ren.”

Her Dad interjects and she jumps at the venom in his voice. For years, with brutal efficiency, the Rens have acquired their neighbour’s lands. All of the Highland clans have bloodlust in their veins, but clan Ren employs violence hitherto unseen in the mountains and glens.

They have Cur Gu Bás, the Executioner. A shadowy figure more myth than man, who undertakes the brutal beheadings of displaced chieftains; maims or disposes of those resistant to any change of leadership, according to his mood. Aye, the tales of their barbarity travel countrywide. To run into the Rens is to require a silver togue and a heavy purse to guarantee the continuation of your journey unscathed. And perhaps not even then.

“What? Tell me, what happened?”

Rey moves to her feet, wanting to snatch up the letter from her Dad to read its news for herself, but he raises red rimmed watery eyes to her and says the words she did not want to hear.

“Dead. They’re all dead.”

**

The hurt Rey felt when Ben slighted her by going off with another lassie is like a paddle in shallow water. Ben dying under a blade, Rey feels, is to pitch yourself overboard in the middle of the North Sea wearing full skirts and having no hope of ever breaking the surface again.

Just like water fills the drowning persons lungs so too does her sorrow for all those she has lost. Han, Finn and most especially Ben; her grief fills all of the once vital places inside her.

Maz turns to her usual cure all, hard work. Leans on it for respite. But Rey finds none forthcoming. Oh, she throws herself into the running of the castle. Takes on tasks that are not in her remit, trying to chase down sleep to escape the pain with exhaustion but sleep turned its back on her the day the messenger came.

She spends her days avoiding thoughts and her nights drowning in them.

They all haunt her.

Han and his stories, his dry sense of humour. Finn and his easy companionship. They all walk through her mind at night picking up fragments of stories and playing them behind her eyes.

Ben haunts her the most.

She remembers the Ben she knew and loved, brother figure and friend. She grieves hard for who Ben might have been to her. Worst still, is the knowledge that her pride stopped her from listening to him.

She thought she had time.

She thought that they had never ending amounts of time, her and Ben.

Until suddenly their time ran out.

Until her chance to have one more letter, one more conversation, one more occasion to meet, all taken away by some faceless clansman wielding a sword.

Rey cannot make sense of a world that does not have Ben in it somewhere and it angers her. How she rages against God for tricking her, for letting her think she could have a future with him. She catches herself, often, thinking, _this isn’t how it’s supposed to be._

When messengers bring letters now, their quality has changed. Rose sends fewer letters and when she does write, her sadness permeates the pages. Rose being Rose, she makes it sound like she is coping but Rey can tell. Just as her heart hurts, so too does Rose’s and Leia’s.

Leia is not even allowed the luxury of a time of mourning. The sudden deaths throw up lineage issues at Castle Alderaan. With no husband or son alive as the natural successor, it is no longer Leia’s right to lead the clan.

The rumblings of unrest at Alderaan, passes word of mouth between cottiers before reaching Chewie’s ear. With ill-concealed contempt at the fools who would dare question Leia’s authority, Chewie saddles up and rides to take his place in the debate on the future of Castle Alderaan.

**

Rey is walking the ramparts days later when the sight of her father’s horse being led to the stables makes her turn heel and descend into the body of the castle. Chewie only makes it to his chambers moments before Rey strides down the corridors to her parent’s room, intent on finding out everything that occurred at Castle Alderaan.

“Come in Rey.” His voice is coloured with weariness.

Seated in front of the fire, a whiskey in his hand. Rey considers how serious it must be for him to have poured a glass of the amber liquid this early in the day.

“How did it go? Is Leia…?”

“As well as to be expected under the circumstances.” He waves his glass towards the other chair and Rey tucks her skirts under her as she sits. “In private she’s distraught. No mother or wife should lose everyone important to her in one swoop like that.” He bites his lip and contemplates the fire. “Aye, it’s a bad business, but in public – well you know Leia – it’s as if the woman is made of pure iron. No matter what the rest of the clan wants, she’s refusing to back down.”

“Refusing to back down? You don’t mean she’s going to carry on in Han’s place?”

“Aye, I do. Can you think of any one better?” Chewie lifts a bushy eyebrow. “You doubt her capabilities?”

“No, but –”

“If your next words are ‘but she’s a woman’, you’ll only be reiterating the arguments I’ve heard over and over again, these last five days. Leia flattened each and every one of those arguments.”

“But how? She can’t ride into battle.”

“Well, that’s where Poe comes in.”

“Poe?”

“Aye, she’s appointed him as chieftain warrior de facto. If there’s ever a need, he’ll ride on her behalf. Not that there’s ever really a need down here. We don’t have quite the same bloodlust running through our veins as the Highlanders.” He swigs his whiskey.

Rey turns over everything her father describes. If anyone can lead a clan, it is Leia. The smile comes unbidden as she thinks of her foster Mam telling all those loud-mouthed Scots to do her bidding and a giggle escapes her.

“As you’d expect, I’ve vowed Castle Jakku will come to their aid if that time of need ever comes.”

Rey gets up from her chair, leans in and kisses her Dad on the forehead.

“As you should.”

**

The seasons change with their usual predictability. Life continues. It’s not always easy at the castle with her Mam trying to make her a match. Feast days are held and lads from good families attend. After the first couple, getting dressed up seems a waste of time. Maz, in desperation, is using sermons Rey is certain Leia already used on her in the past. Didn’t make a difference then, not making a difference now.

It is not for want of trying. Rey is looking for someone that she will do well with. Someone to help her let go of the memory of Ben; memories that feel more like shackles as time passes.

But there is always something.

Sometimes it is a large hurdle to get over like an obnoxious personality, such as Huxley, future Laird of Coruscant Castle who, by the end of the meal had both Mam and Dad advising her to have nothing more to do with him. Sometimes it is more mundane, like how he has a dull non-descript hair colour, not interesting enough to even call mousey, that makes her think, _I could never be with you_.

The problem – which her Mam and Dad know, and she will only admit to herself late at night and only after a couple of wines – is that they are not Ben.

Every man is measured by his standard. His quick wit, his ability to charm when needed, his height, his strength, his looks; all of her prospective matches fall short.

Not that it matters.

As the cold damp air steals through the castle after Hogmanay, her precious Mam sickens. Each breath ripped from her. Rey has seen these symptoms before and keeps watch over her Mam. Many of the castle’s population fall to the winter sickness. Coughs wrack their frames all hours of the day and night. Most, after a week or so, get better but some, like Maz, do not. Rey spends hours sat by her bedside, stroking her hand and offering sips of water. When Rey has to retire, her Dad takes over the vigil.

Every day is a long dark day. Rey only sees the inside of her parent’s chambers. The fire is not allowed to bank and burns bright making the room overly warm to try and chase away the chill in Maz’s bones. When it rains heavy, a few drops make it down the chimney, causing the peat burning in the grate to hiss and spit. Smoke belches from the fireplace and only then does Rey let the tears stream from her eyes, able to pass them off to her Mam as the effect of the stinging smoke. Maz pats the back of Rey’s hand anyway.

When Maz is claimed by the final sleep, Chewie and Rey cling to each other and mourn for the heart of their family.

**

Too caught up in their heartbreak to take notice of events happening far from them, Chewie lets details of moves across Scotland slip by unnoticed. It is not until there are rumblings of feudal battles igniting in the Islands, that Chewie takes note. Battles, not skirmishes and squabbles over land rights.

The Rens, after an eight-month campaign, lay claim to Endor. It is a long and bitter battle with lives lost on both sides. Rumours of the ferocious fighting spreads across Scotland and with the rumours comes fear.

Cur Gu Bás, the words are whispered on people’s lips. No one wants to say it out loud as if saying it will summon him. Cur Gu Bás is seven feet tall, so powerful he can cut down three men at once with a single swing of his claymore, with black eyes burning with the fury of Hell itself.

Or so people said.

No one has seen him.

He exists in the minds of the Lowlanders as a myth, a giant from the tales of the Highlands. As people gossip, each assure the other there will never be a need for Cur Gu Bás to stride across the Lowlands claiming their lands and wreaking havoc down on them.

But the attacks drift down, first Kavan falls and then Hapes is under siege. Every day new and terrible information is brought by messengers. Clans old alliances are picked apart one by one by the Rens.

They are everywhere, attacking everyone.

Still Rey and Chewie feel their Jakku is too small and insignificant for anyone to bother with.

Chewie keeps a low profile, not sending men but often sending a convoy of food to rendezvous with those under siege.

But over four years, inch by inch the map of Scotland is changing from a land of many clans to lands seized and controlled by the Rens and their lust for power and control.

Finally, a letter comes from Alderaan seeking help.

Small skirmishes on the outskirts of Leia’s lands were becoming weekly occurrences. Chewie hands Rey the letter and she scans the terse lines.

“I am avowed to her and clan Solo.” Chewie says. Rey tries to control her trembling. “I can’t ask men to ride out to defend lands that are not their own unless I’m willing to make such a sacrifice too.”

“Aye,” Rey squares her shoulders, ready to bear the mantle of head of the clan whilst he is gone, “when must you leave?” “

“Tomorrow, I think. Any longer and the Rens will have time to get into a good defensible position.” He points to the letter. “Leia’s right, better to drive them off on the outskirts rather than have them encroaching on the castle and cut off everyone’s access to farming lands.”

He takes her hand, and if he can feel the faint tremor, he does her the courtesy of not saying anything.

“I’ll not leave you unprotected, lass. Cassian’ll head up the men in my place.” Rey nods. “But mind, Cassian’ll be under your orders, not his own or anyone else’s. Yours Rey, so I need you to be wise. You can’t ask a man to ride out to his possible death unless there’s no way around it. Because for you, they will go, and they may die.”

Rey’s chin quivers as they both look out over the great hall at the people, living and working there. Never before has she felt the yoke of responsibility so heavy on her shoulders. All of these lives dependant on decisions she will make in the coming days. Her Dad squeezes her hand to draw her attention back to him.

“I have faith in you. You’re a canny lass and I promise I’ll be home soon.”

Rey nods but drops her eyes. When a man rides out there is no guarantee he will return home. Look what happened to Ben, Han, and Finn, four years ago and that was a time of relative stability in Scotland’s history. They rode out in peace and never came home.

Now her Dad and men Rey knows and likes will ride out under the banner of battle and there is nothing she can do to protect them, other than be strong and wise in her decisions.

“You better or I’ll slaughter you myself.” She threatens.

Chewie gives a smile at her weak joke and she grips his hand tighter not wanting to let go.

**

“Is there anything I should be telling Cass about?”

Jyn, Cassian’s wife and Castle Jakku’s chatelaine, asks Rey this every dinner time when she settles in the great hall to eat.

“Nothing as yet.”

Rather than return to her work, Jyn hovers and Rey signals her to sit.

“Do you not find that odd Lady Rey?”

Rey frowns. “Odd, in what way? Is it not better no news than bad?”

Jyn twists the cloth tucked into her belt with her hands.

“There’s always someone who knows a back way out of a castle or through woods others wouldn’t dream of trying.” She looks at Rey to see if she is following her meaning. “There’s always some way of getting news out. Hearing nothing? It worries me.”

Rey nods, it is not like the thought had not crossed her mind. Only she did not want to voice it because the only reason she can see for no news is there is no one left to pass it on. And that thought? It is too awful to consider.

Both women sit contemplating their fears, one of what might have happened and one on what might come to pass.

The doors at the back of the hall open and Wexley comes in looking grim. He makes his way towards the top table and Jyn rises to excuse herself, but Rey catches her by the wrist and silently begs her with eyes to stay and the kind woman takes her seat again.

“What news, Wexley?”

“There’s no news from Castle Alderaan itself but scouts tell me that the fighting has been pushed back to the castle and most are inside, under siege.”

“My father, do we know –?”

“Nothing. We don’t know if he is inside or…”

Wexley drops his eyes and leaves the unspoken words _if he is dead already_ hanging in the air. Rey clasps her hands together, knuckles turning white as they grip each other. She carries on as if by refusing to acknowledge the thought, it cannot happen.

“I, I see. Is that all?”

Wexley shifts his weight from foot to foot.

“There’s talk of groups of men moving on the outskirts of the land.” Fear grips Rey’s heart. “They could simply be passing through or –”

“– they could be here for altogether more sinister reasons.” She finishes for him. She turns to Jyn and sees her own fear reflected in the woman’s eyes. “Please Jyn, can you fetch Cass, please?”

Jyn nods and hurries off to find her husband. Rey turns back to quiz Wexley.

“What are your thoughts?”

“Given the proximity of the lands I don’t see it as being anything other than a Ren scouting party.”

Reflecting on this for a moment Rey nods her agreement. “Tell Cass I am in my father’s study please.”

_I don’t…but what if…how do I make sure…?_

Rey’s panic is almost wordless as different thoughts and images crash into each other as she hurries along the corridor to the study. Moving is good, even though it is only a quick trip up a couple of flights, the movement in her limbs is helping with the nervous energy. Throwing open the doors, she goes straight to the desk and pulls out some parchment and starts noting her available men.

**

“Send a party of about ten through the woods.” Cassian lifts the heel of his hand and uses it to swipe away a thin layer of sweat from his brow. “It’s enough men that if there’s fighting, they can defend themselves and it won’t leave us depleted here at the keep.”

“Cass, we only have about another ten men left after we send out that party, the rest are only young lads and bairns.” Rey protests.

“Aye, but to send any less would be to send them to their graves if it is the Rens.”

Cassian looks pained at the prospect of finding such demons on the lands.

“Take who you need but Cassian, I’ll ride with you.” Rey stands, resolute.

“Rey, you can’t do that. It’s not right.”

“Neither is asking men to lay down their lives and not be willing to do the same yourself.”

“But, your skirts, they’ll know you’re a lassie straight away.” He gestures at them.

Rey snorts, “I can wear a kilt and plaid same as the rest of you. Exceptional circumstances, don’t you think?”

Cass flushes, “Aye but it’s not right and if it’s a fight, it’s no place for you.”

“Cassian, you worry too much and besides, I might not be able to handle a broadsword, but I do know what I’m doing with a dirk.”

“I’ll be praying that you don’t need to.”

**

The families living on the castle grounds are gathered into the great hall. The few menfolk left will guard the perimeter of the castle whilst Rey and her men ride out. A few of the men cannot look at her, shamefully attired as she is. Rey rolls her eyes and – despite the seriousness of the situation – stifles a laugh at their horror of seeing her shins given she has to see their hairy legs every day.

Pulling herself onto her horse, she sits astride for once and all her men avert their eyes until she is seated. Several mutter about how ‘ _it’s unholy to see a lass in such a way’_ but Rey ignores them and instructs the men to ride out.

Rey sticks to the middle of the group, fearing if her sex is discovered straight away it will lead to her men defending her rather than themselves in the first instance.

They go at twilight traveling across swathes of land. As the gloaming darkens into night with only the crescent moon and stars to light the way, they slow and pick through the outer edges of the forest. There is evidence of fires having been lit and marks on the ground from bed rolls but no sign of any men. Cass confirms her initial thoughts.

“A group passed through here but unless they’ve gone into the heart of the woods and taken a long way back to Jakku, I think it’s safe to say they’ve moved on.”

Rey walks her horse closer to the obvious marks of camp. It is exactly as one would expect to find from men moving through another’s land, getting from one place to the next. But she cannot shake the feeling that there is something off somehow. She looks up and tries to peer into the trees even though it is futile. These ashes have long gone cold, whoever had been here moved on hours ago. She turns her horse to face her men.

“I see no reason why we should all lose another minute’s sleep over this. Head back.”

There are a few tired ‘Ayes’ that reach her ears but most turn tail, making their way back to the castle without a word.

Glossary

Honey spurtle – wooden stick with grooves to allow honey to be picked up and drizzled easily

Chatelaine – basically a Housekeeper but of a castle.

Hogmanay – New Year’s Eve

Gloaming – slightly darker than twilight but not full dark yet (although some would argue it is the same as twilight)

Canny – clever/astute

Cur Gu Bás – Execution/Executioner (pronounced Koor Goo Bhash or so my friend tells me)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the Kudos and comments, they really make my day. Huge thanks also to the wonderful Emmy-cc for her betaing of this chapter.  
> Guess who's back?  
> Enjoy x

Never has Rey wanted her bed more. The return journey to the castle feels longer than the ride out to the makeshift campsite. The further from the camp they get, the more the fear and anger at the thought of the Rens on her land flows out of her. Without her adrenaline surging, she is at risk of sliding off Sorcha’s back. Her tiredness is bone deep. She wants her bed and not to have to think of this – of the Rens – again. 

The little team of horses pound across the grass. As they near Jakku, looking eerily pale against the darkness of the night, Cassian whistles. Up on the ramparts the men hear and raise the portcullis. 

Once inside, the portcullis lowers, keeping them locked in the castle fortifications. Tired, they go about their business of stabling horses and drifting towards their beds for the night. 

Rey smiles her gratitude as she hands her horse off to one of the riding party to stable. She is almost at the heavy wooden doors of the castle when a man melts out of the shadows. The edge of his blade, sharp against her throat, arrests her steps. Rey fears swallowing lest the bobbing of her larynx results in injury. 

It had been a feint. A perfectly executed one. 

Jakku’s strongest fighters had left the castle under her direction, leaving it wide open for the Rens, if indeed that is who they are, to stroll in and take these lands as their own. Bitter tears burn her eyes at her stupidity.

“You’ll not make a sound lad,” a meaty hand grabs her wrist and tugs it up her back, “Weapons. Now.” 

Lowering his blade, he pulls the dirk from the scabbard hanging from Rey’s belt, tucks it into his own before propelling her forward by forcing her wrist higher up her back. 

When they both stumble into the hall, her captor realises his mistake. 

“By kriff, it’s a lassie.” He cries, roaring with laughter. 

Pushing Rey away from him, she trips into the middle of the hall. Whipping round to glare at his retreating form, she does not see Jyn rushing towards her with a blanket in her hands. Jyn pulls her attention back to her as she manhandles Rey.

“Are you hurt?” 

Jyn pulls the blanket round her waist into a sort of makeshift skirt covering her limbs from scrutiny. Rey watches through narrowed eyes as the man – still chortling – make his way back outside the hall. 

Her chatelaine fusses over the blanket and Rey ignores her.

Jyn tugs and tucks until Rey feels the solid heft of a short dirk being tucked inside the blanket tied at her waist. Turning she catches Jyn’s eye. Never breaking the flow of her verbal admonishment for Rey’s state of undress, she gives a subtle nod at Rey’s unasked question, before dragging her towards her father’s chair on the dais. 

It is dark in the hall. Only a couple of sconces lit, adding to the sense of confusion. It takes more than a few seconds for her to calm herself enough to make out the mutterings of the people crammed along the edges of the room.

_Cur Gu Bás_

The words travel as a whisper around the hall. A hushed susurration, breath softening the hard consonants and lengthening the vowels. The words ending on that breathed out ‘sh’ as if, even as they utter his name, they try to silence it. 

The Executioner. 

Here on her lands and she didn’t protect her people from him. 

It is a terrible thought and anger claws like bile up her throat. They are farmers, not warriors and he is the black shadow of death itself.

Fury scorches through her, she will stand her ground. She will not be cowed by Cur Gu Bás, not on her family’s lands for generations. Rey will not step aside for him and his pedlars of death to take it.

She knows the rumours about Cur Gu Bás. He is seven feet tall, broad as a gable end and has dark eyes that burn with the fires of Hell in their depths. Fantasy. A mythical being. Rey keeps her fear of him in check by reminding herself that all these claims are rumour and fabrication. 

Until she sees him. 

There are no giants in the Lowlands but the outline of the man who is still deep in the shadows at the back of the hall makes her doubt her previous convictions. Tall, powerfully built, with his plaid shrouding his head and shoulders, like a cowl, she sees nothing to recognize. His plaid gives her no clue. This is not a tartan she knows. It must be some Highland clan this killer comes from. 

The tip of his claymore strikes the flagstone under his feet. The sound reverberates in the hall's silence, as everyone holds their breath. The plaid casts his face into darkness, but the hands that hold the hilt of the claymore as he rests it point down on the floor, are large. She shudders at the thought of being on the wrong end of a slap from him. The giant tilts his head and when he speaks, the voice is deep and familiar.

That voice. 

She hears it now only in her dreams because the person it belongs to does not walk the earth any longer but if she were to close her eyes, she could imagine it is him. How bitter-sweet to remember the one who could have made her happy at this moment. 

“I take it you’re not just a kitchen wench then?” he stalks towards her, always in the shadows. 

Rey bristles at his insult. She expects him to storm the dais and throw her from the chair, but he stops midway down the hall. Muffled scrapes and bangs resound from the corridors outside. Her men held at bay, by force. Each scuffle and clatter tells her they are out manned but still alive. She keeps her hands folded on her lap to keep them from shaking, willing herself to stay there, planted in the seat that is hers.

A bitter laugh rumbles in his chest.

“Little one, you sit there, playing pretend on that platform but you know that clan Ren wants your lands. They are rich, giving a good harvest with ample trading routes on the waters edging your grounds.” 

He paces closer to her and Rey cannot look away as he continues. 

“I know of the death of your Mam from consumption several winters ago and how your Dad rode out to stand with clan Solo not more than a few days ago leaving an untried lassie heading up her clan, no kinsmen to pick up the mantle.”

 _I had a brother once but you lot killed him you bastard_ she thinks. Perhaps he knows where her thoughts go by the anger no doubt showing on her face. She blinks back angry tears. Now is not the time to think of Ben. Now is the time to consider if she can stomach making a deal with the devil himself so the families on her land can continue their lives relatively unmolested. 

“Clear the hall.” 

There is no emotion in this man’s voice, but Rey can feel his belief that they will follow his instruction without question.

She counters with her own demand. “Not necessary. Anything you need to say to me, say it in front of my people.”

“I said clear the hall.” 

He does not shout but the tone of authority rings clear, and families are already moving towards the doors to leave. Rey frowns but makes a ‘go’ gesture to Jyn who is hovering near the edge of the room reluctant to leave her.

In moments Rey is alone with this monster and her breath is not making it into her chest right. She can feel the tremble deep inside her muscles, but she tenses them to hide her fear.

The man slides his claymore into its scabbard and pulls back the plaid.

No.

No, it cannot be. 

Rey is already on her feet and down a couple of steps before she can stop herself. If she thought her hands were shaking before, it is nothing to how her legs feel. They could buckle at any moment. 

His hair is longer, wild around his shoulders. 

But it is him, Ben Solo. 

Raised from the dead only to send others there in his place. 

As if tethered to him on a string she drifts a few more steps in his direction before stopping.

“Ben?” her voice quavers. All of her anger with the Rens snuffed out.

“My men know me as Kylo.” He states. “Or if I am angry, Cur Gu Bás.” 

She can see, even in stillness how deadly he can be.

“But how -?”

“Now is not the time, Rey.” Stepping closer, she sees the fury in his eyes. “Why did your Dad leave you, here, alone, and defenceless?” 

His tone sparks off a roiling mix of fear, confusion and anger all colliding inside her. 

“He went to help your Mam. Remember her? The woman whose lands your new ‘family’ have under siege.”

“I know fine well what is happening at Castle Alderaan and to whom. What I don’t understand is why you rode out of here in nothing but a plaid.” 

His hand reaches out and grabs the blanket Jyn had fashioned into a skirt and Rey realises too late his intentions. He rips the fabric away from her. There is a hollow clatter as the dirk falls to the floor and bouncing, skids away from her. 

Rey has the advantage of knowing that the dirk had been there all along and had already started reaching down before the knife hit the floor. Her pre-emptive lunge allows her fingers to close round its hilt just as he reaches down to grab her wrist. 

Given his hold on her, there is no control, no power behind her movements but she tries to arc the blade up to warn him back. She had not felt vulnerable in the plaid when she rode out with her men, but kriff, she feels it now, alone with this stranger that looks like her Ben. The tip swings up and slices shallowly through the flesh of his cheek, missing his eye and bisects his eyebrow.

Ben, Kylo, or whoever the hell he claims to be, roars in pain and Rey skitters back, stumbling on the stairs. The stone edge hits hard against the girdle of her pelvis. In his anger he follows her down. He pins her against the stairs by her wrists and with one knee between her thighs. The edges of the steps cut deep into her back and shoulders. He knocks her hand clutching the dirk against the stone until her grip slackens and the knife falls away. 

She is panting and he is everywhere, holding her tight against him. The wound is not deep but blood beads along the edges of the cut. 

Cur Gu Bás has put to death many, many men if she believes the rumours, but even trapped as she is under him, her mind swings between fear of Cur Gu Bás’s reaction and joy, irrational joy, that Ben is alive. 

Her mind cannot reconcile that they are the same man. Her Ben, is irascible like his parents, irritating but he is not a killer. Worse, an executioner. 

Is this the man who did not want her to be scared of her husband? 

A hysterical laugh tries to shake itself loose from her, but she bites down hard on her lip until she draws blood. The metallic tang floods her mouth and for a moment she is not sure whose blood she is tasting, his or hers.

“Not as defenceless as I thought.” He muses and she turns her head, her ear and cheek scraping against the rough stone of the step under her. Rey squeezes her eyes shut unwilling to see him like this. “Tell me Rey, what was your Dad doing leaving you here alone? Eh? Did you think you could fight me off or any of my men?” 

He rocks forward putting him in full contact with her front, making all her breath leave her body. Their position is a mockery of how she had found him in with Bazine all those years ago and panic hits her. Squirming she tries to get him off of her, but he makes a noise of disgust at her attempts and lifts himself away from her taking the dirk as he rises. 

“This isn’t right. I should never have found you like this.” He’s shouting at her as if it is her fault. “Half naked and riding wild, leaving your castle vulnerable for anyone, anyone to take. Do you know how much blood we spilled tonight?” 

Rey curls in on herself terrified of his answer. 

“None, Rey, none, because what you left behind when you rode out was a group of farmers and weans.”

He is livid. Reaching down he grabs her by the elbow and wrenches her to standing. Faced with his anger, her confused emotional state gains some clarity and all she is feeling is pissed off.

“I would not have left if there had not been so many attacks on innocent people by you and your men.”

He snorts. “You have no idea what you are talking about. Thank kriff, I took Jakku rather than Alderaan as my target.” 

The blood is trickling down his neck, soaking into his plaid of muted greys and blacks. They are so different from the Solos tartan of black, yellow and white.

“Thank kriff? What? You want me to be grateful you came here?” Rey bellows back. 

Ben grabs her shoulders, fingers biting into her muscles.

“Yes, because if it’d been Alisdair Snoke, you and your men would be dead in a ditch before you even got within sight of the castle grounds.” Rey gasps at the thought. “So maybe you could show just a modicum of gratitude that I didn’t slit your throat for that little stunt you just pulled.”

He takes in her murderous expression and grabs her hand. Placing the dirk in it, he wraps her fingers around the handle.

“It’s not so easy to kill a man Rey. Would you cut me here?” 

He lifts her hand and places the length of the knife against his jugular, holding her gaze the entire time. Sickened she looks down. 

“No? Perhaps here?” 

He lets the knife drag across his left pectoral and drop to the point below his sternum, Rey swallows and tries to pull her hand back. 

“Ah-ah, if you are going to kill a man, you need to mean it Rey.” 

He angles the knife so that a sharp upward thrust towards his heart would sneak beneath his ribs and pierce it. Rey hisses and tries to stop this, but Ben holds her in place.

“You need to want to see them bleed out their life blood for you. It’s not a game Rey.” She’s crying now, and he ghosts his lips along the edge of her cheekbone. “It’s life or death, Rey. My life or death.” 

Sobbing, she struggles to open her fingers and let the dirk fall. 

Shaking, her legs give way beneath her.

**

All of Rey’s people have scattered. There are still some unknown clansmen waiting in the corridor that push forward to look at her and she shrinks into Ben until in her misery she remembers who he is now and gives an almighty tug to free her arm. 

Who is she trying to fool? 

He was ready to relinquish her because if he had not wanted to let her go, he would not have. She raises her head, steels her spine, and moves with speed so he is a step behind her. Her bed chambers are no longer her place of sanctuary. Rey is under no illusion. She is a prisoner in her own home. 

At her door, she pushes it open, shoots through and tries to close it on top of Ben.

“None of that Rey.” 

He gives the door a shove, and she topples backwards into the room. She doesn’t worry until he closes it behind him.

“No, you know we can’t be alone.” Rey gasps.

“Hmmph. Etiquette isn’t at the forefront of my mind right now.” 

He moves to the fireplace and places more logs on it, ignoring her.

“Get out of my room.” 

There is ice in her voice and he takes a long look at her. Takes in her tangled hair, her scandalous appearance in a plaid with her legs on display. 

Frustrated with his unwillingness to leave, she goes to pull the door open. Her hand is on the handle when his rests on top of hers.

“Rey.”

It is not a reprimand; it is not even a command. 

She does not know what he means by the way he says her name, but it is too close to her memories of _her_ Ben. She draws her hand away from the handle and turns to him but he is looking away.

“I can see we have nothing more to say to each other this evening. I’ll leave you to your rest, but I expect to see you at breakfast.” 

He pulls open the door and when it shuts behind him, Rey can only think _‘Like Hell I’m eating with you.’_

** 

The next morning there is a tentative knock to her door. Rey undoes the latch, letting Jyn in.

Jyn reaches for her, hands skimming over Rey’s face, shoulders and over her clothed body checking for areas of injured flesh. Rey squirms away.

“I’m fine.” At her friend’s frown she reiterates. “Honestly, I’m fine, no cuts. Maybe a bruise or two.”

“The same can’t be said about him.” 

“You’ve seen that?”

“Aye I was putting out the breakfast things and well, it’s kind of hard to miss, seeing as you’ve carved his face in two.” 

Rey gives a grim smile.

“Jyn, are there… where there any deaths?”

Jyn shakes her head. “No, folks are banged up and there’s more than one bruised ego but no one’s dead, thank the Lord.” 

Rey lets go of some of the tension she had been holding. She rolls her neck, easing out the tight muscles. She had not trusted Ben when he said there had been no lives lost. 

“Now, I’ve to make sure you’ll be down to breakfast.”

Rey straightens. “I’m not going.”

Jyn takes in Rey’s proud stance but shakes her head. “I don’t think you’ve a choice in the matter.” 

“I don’t need to eat.”

“Rey.” Jyn gives her an exasperated look. “You can’t stay up here and starve.”

“You could drop some food in to me you know.” Rey gives her a hopeful smile.

“Hrmmph. Only if himself doesn’t slit my throat for doing it.” 

Rey cants her head to the side at hearing Jyn calling Ben ‘himself’.

“What did he tell you his name is?”

“He didn’t. His men call him Cur Gu Bás and I refuse to wander around crying him the executioner so until he tells me otherwise, he’ll just be himself for me.”

Rey bursts out laughing.

“I’d be grateful for anything you can sneak up Jyn, but please don’t put yourself at any risk doing it.”

Rey pulls open her door as she is chatting but stops when she sees Ben’s hulking frame in the corridor. Jyn averts her eyes and goes to scoot past the pair of them but he stops her by catching her upper arm, her eyes flick up to his face.

“I won’t be finding you sneaking any food up to Lady Rey, will I?” 

He is polite but there is no confusing his intent. He holds her frightened gaze. Jyn shakes her head and he releases her. 

“Good. Now I’m telling you, and you can tell everyone else, if she,” he points to Rey but does not look at her, “doesn’t eat with me, then she doesn’t eat. Understood?” 

Jyn looks at Rey, with sad eyes begging for Rey’s forgiveness for her next words.

“Yes sir.”

“Excellent.”

He forgets Jyn as soon as he turns back to Rey. He holds his arm out to his reluctant breakfast companion.

“I’m not hungry.” She says with arms crossed over her chest, tucking her hands away so they won’t reach out for him.

He takes in her sulking form and shrugs. “If you won’t eat with me, then you won’t eat. And Rey? I remember how you love your food.” Rey’s expression darkens. “I expect I’ll see you about lunch time.” 

He swaggers off and Rey slams her door.

**

She makes it to dinner the next evening. Ben is true to his word. No one comes near her door to sneak her something. He banned them from bringing her drinks too. 

In desperation she drinks the clean water in her ewer left over from washing. But as she did not realise that she would be forced into an impromptu hunger strike in her bedroom, she had left little after her morning toilette. She tries to make it last, but it runs out by the end of the first day. 

Her hunger is manageable. Whenever she thinks of Ben, her rage pulls her through any pangs but the thirst? It is painful. It is the thirst that drives her downstairs to the hall.

There is a subdued murmur of people talking. Most of Jakku’s families are in the hall and seated. Rey notes every table has one of Ben’s men there. Some appear to engage in idle chat with the host family, others ignore her clansmen and eat their food with a ferocity that hints of the man’s past acquaintance with hunger.

Ben sits at the top table, taking in the scene. Rey notes the empty space in front of him and presumes him finished. 

Rey crosses the floor refusing to look at Ben even though she can feel the weight of his stare as she moves in front of him. Grabbing a bowl, she collects her meal. Jyn had made a thick potage of meat and vegetables and unleavened breads. She is pondering where to sit and decides the least disruptive place would be to seat herself at one of the family tables, when Ben sidles up to her, picks up a bowl and begins to ladle his own potage.

“Have you not eaten, sir?” she asks, and he smirks at the contempt in her voice.

“No, I was waiting on my dinner companion.” He picks up a slice of bread. “She’s a rude, ill-tempered sort but my Mam raised me to have manners where you wait on any dinner companions running late.”

Rey’s head spins round.

“Aye, but she never raised you to murder though did she?”

Ben’s lips press into a thin line. She turns away but Ben steps in front of her blocking her path.

“You’re going the wrong way.”

“No, I’m going the right way.” But he continues to block her with his bulk. “Move.” He doesn’t. “You know I can’t sit at that table because – thanks to you – I’m no longer in charge here.”

“You’ll sit at that table even if I have to drag you up in front of everyone.” 

He says it in a low voice but everyone seems to hear him. Rey takes in the curious eyes all around her. Lifting her chin, she approaches the top table. Ben follows close behind her. Seated, Rey stares straight ahead, seething inside and shovels in mouthfuls of food to get this meal over with.

“I see your manners haven’t improved.” He mutters at her side.

Rey does not rise to the bait, spoonful after spoonful makes its way to her mouth in a rush.

“Slow down ‘cause now you’re here, you’re going to be here for a while.”

“No. I’m going straight back to my room.”

“Really? So, you are bowing out of the clan hearing?” Rey lowers her spoon, swallows and looks at him.

“The hearing isn’t tonight.”

“It’s when I want it and I want it tonight.”

“That’s not the way it’s done –” she starts but he cuts her off.

“– Do you think I care about the way it’s done?” He arches a brow at her. “You’re canny Rey, so you’ll realise the message you’ll send if you get up and walk out now. Leave the hearing to me, and everyone will know you’ve ceded power to clan Ren. You might not say it, but they’ll know anyway. Stay and they won’t know if some sort of…alliance has been reached.” 

Rey narrows her eyes at this suggestion. As if she would enter into any kind of alliance with the Rens. Ben smirks at the look on her face. 

“I’d swallow that pride of yours along with your potage. An alliance will give your people some hope but running away like a scared little girl?” He shakes his head at such folly. “Appearances are everything as Leia would say. Or have your forgotten her lessons?”

“I’d say the only person who has forgotten Leia is you.” 

Rey turns away from him and his taunting words. She cannot bear to hear him talk about his Mam in mocking tones. But… what would Leia do? 

No question: she would square her shoulders, look her oppressor in the eye and demand they treat her like a Queen.

Taking a deep breath Rey resumes her meal at a slower pace.

“I’ll stay.” She states once her meal is done.

“Good.” There is an undercurrent of laughter in his voice but she ignores it and takes a large swig of her wine.

**

The dining things are cleared away and the top table moved to the back of the dais. Normally her father’s chair would be brought to the front as only her Dad presides over hearings. On occasions when Rey had been part of them, she stood behind his right shoulder.

Now there is the question of who sits in the chair and who stands. 

Channelling Leia, Rey’s nostrils flare as she tries to contain her rage at being put in this position.

“I’ll not be stand at your right shoulder.” She hisses at him; aware they are being watched as they argue.

“You could sit on my knee.” Ben suggests with a leer.

“Never.”

Rey flushes at his suggestion and glares at him for daring to make it.

“Fine. We’ll share the bench from the table. Equals. Is that good enough for you?” 

Rey nods and they both sit, but she curses when she realises he manipulated her into sitting on his right-hand side.

The women and children head back to their homes and living quarters. Only the men remain. 

And Rey.

Inside she is panicking but doing her damnedest to hide it beneath an ocean of calmness she has no claim to. Rey concentrates on trying to figure out the reasons Ben would want her there. It keeps her mind engaged and not spiralling with anxiety but does not provide her with any answers, other than a certainty she is going to be humiliated by the end of the hearing. 

Cassian emerges from the small knot of men formed after the wives and children left. He makes his way to the spot in front of them. His handsome face looks wan and her heart leaps at the thought of the stress her people are under.

In the two days of Rey’s self-enforced starvation, her kinsmen have met and voiced their concerns over the current situation. Rather than listen to twenty different versions of the same question, ‘What happens now?’, Ben and Rey only have to hear Cassian pose it once. 

He looks to Rey and then Ben as if he is not sure who to address but Ben’s more imposing mien wins out.

“Lord Ren, under the circumstances, you’ll understand there’s great unrest amongst the clansmen of Jakku Castle. Whilst there was no blood spilled when you arrived,” Cassian’s eyes flicker to the cut on Ben’s face and Rey cannot help the smug bubble of pride knowing the only person to draw blood that night was her. “There is much concern over how clan Ren sees things running here at Jakku.” 

Finished, he glances to Rey who tries to give him a reassuring smile even though she has no reassurances she can give.

Ben turns to Rey and she supplies him with Cassian’s name.

“Cassian, I can assure you the cooperation of Jakku Castle meant this take over, as you noted, was bloodless. It’s my wish that it remains that way going forward. I see no reason for the lives of you and your clansmen to not go on much as they did before. The only difference is it’ll be a Ren leading the clan and not a Kanata.” 

Rey grinds her teeth at his words. She can see how uncomfortable this announcement makes several men around the room. Clan Ren is not who they swore their fealty to. For this exchange of power to happen with no push back from the clan is a slight to her father. How precarious the balance of power is. Rey fears this is not over, that more lives will be lost as people struggle for control.

“Of course, you’ll still be answering to a Kanata, just she’ll be a Ren soon.” Rey startles and gapes at Ben. He takes her hand in his. “Rey has agreed to be my betrothed.”

“I have done –” she starts indignantly.

“Everything to keep it a secret from everyone. That’s why she didn’t come down for meals.” He tightens his grip, and she feels her knuckles rubbing against each other. “Too frightened she’d give up the jig before tonight’s hearing.”

Cassian looks at her nonplussed and takes a slight step towards her. He will have heard the truth of why she was in her room from Jyn. She gives a slight shake of her head to Cassian to stop him from intervening. 

Rey reads the hall and realises the men have settled and are nodding their heads in agreement that this is a good plan. They can support their clan, maintain their pride and no one will be sacrificed in a foolish attempt to overthrow clan Ren. 

No, the only one making a sacrifice is Rey.

“Now, if we can clear the hall, my betrothed and I need to discuss the finer details of our betrothal contract.”

Several men murmur their agreement and are quick to vacate the hall, happy with the outcome of the hearing.

Rey waits until the last of them leaves before wrenching her hand from his.

“What was that?” 

“That was the announcement of our betrothal.” He runs his hand through his hair. “Was it not romantic enough for you? I would have thought an announcement that saves the lives of at least twenty of your clansmen would be good enough for any Lady.”

“We are not betrothed. No one has drawn up contracts.”

“They will, tomorrow. I thought I’d give you a night to contemplate how this is in your best interest.”

“How is _my_ being married to _you_ in my best interest?” 

She wants to scream it in his face but communal living in a castle tells her there is at least two or three eavesdroppers stationed at the doorways right now.

“Your father –” he begins.

“Will you leave my father out of things?”

“I would if he’d defended you.” Ben eyes flash. “If your Dad had gotten you matched there’d have been someone here to look after you. Or if he’d taken you with him, you would be safe. But right now? You’re vulnerable Rey.” 

He gives her an exasperated look. It is a look she is familiar with from growing up together and she wants to smile at the sheer normality of that look but she is too angry to. 

“And I never said we’d be married. Just betrothed.”

“As good as married for a year and a day and then marriage. I don’t see what the advantage is.”

Ben rolls his eyes. “You get my protection. Stability in this takeover and when the time comes for you to decide –”

“In a year and a day.” She confirms.

“Yes, in a year and a day, you can decide if you are better off without me.”

It is annoying because she can see the logic in it. 

As long as they do not accidentally get married in the interim, it is not Ben’s worst idea. 

There are only two ways to end up married before the time lapses. Share a bed and consummate or spend a period of time alone together, long enough that people think you have consummated and ta da, you are now the new Mrs Solo, or Mrs Ren. She is not sure who she would be.

“I don’t think I’ll have any problem staying out of your bed, so there shouldn’t be any lasting damage from this plan.”

“You wound me Rey.”

“I already did that,” she smirks, “be truthful, you don’t want in my bed any more than I want in yours. Besides, my father will return, and this will all be redundant.”

Ben’s eyes turn sad. “The future’s not ours to know Rey.” 

It frightens her how much she believes him.

Cur Gu Bás (pronounced Koor Goo Bhash) – Execution

It’s difficult to know if it is myth or not but there are lots of documented mentions of Scottish betrothals. They carried more legal weight than an engagement but could be broken off as long as it was within the year and a day, time frame. Some people say you could live as a married couple, have kids and still separate after the year and a day if you found your betrothed wasn’t to your liking. Others say you couldn’t set up house, but if you spent time alone, it was presumed you’d had sex and that way you ended up married, but it wasn’t considered a scandal as you had been betrothed anyway.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks are due once again to Emmy_cc for reading through this monster and betaing it in a very short space of time.  
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments they are so appreciated. Enjoy x

Mealtimes are becoming increasingly fraught. Ben insists on collecting Rey from whatever duty or task she is working on and accompanying her to the great hall. She cannot decide if he is re-enacting some misplaced sense of propriety instilled by Charles Purves from his youth or if it is yet another reminder that Rey is more of a prisoner here than anyone else.

She is not at liberty to take her meals when she wants but must bend to his demands and go when he wishes it. Sitting at that top table, she would be a fool if she cannot see how her clansmen are becoming more relaxed in the company of the Rens. Families still sat with a Ren at each of their tables, but now conversations flow. Trust is being built before her very eyes, and why would it not? They had lost no one and there was no change to the rhythm of their daily lives.

It is curious to Rey but each of these ‘Rens’ do not bear the surname with pride. It is subtle and she is not sure if she is imagining it, but there are none of the ‘ _For the honour of clan Ren’_ type speeches she would expect from a group of men who had successfully claimed new ground. She did not doubt they _were_ clan Ren, but she could not see their familial pride.

Except for Ben.

Despite Rey knowing for certain he was not a Ren, he is the only one keen to use the name. He had announced he was Kylo Ren whilst she was holed up in her room and had their official betrothal contract drawn up in that name.

When her father rode out from Castle Jakku, he took with him the thin strata of their society who might have met Ben in his previous incarnation. She never calls him out on his lie. She can see the legal loophole she will use to wriggle out of the betrothal contract if he refuses to release her in a year and a day. Kylo Ren, as far as she knows, does not exist.

Rey cannot marry a man that does not exist.

She presumes Ben, with his university education, knows about the anomaly but she does not point it out in case he takes steps to amend it.

Rey does not call him Ben in public or even Kylo.

She does not call him anything.

She sits next to him each mealtime, rigidly upright eating her food. If he insists on eating with her, then she will be in attendance, but he cannot command her to be charming company.

“How is your food?” he enquires.

“Hmmm.”

Silence.

She concentrates on the hard task of chewing and swallowing. Each mouthful threatening to choke her as the muscles in her throat tense. It is worse every mealtime.

“Do you need any more?”

He always offers to take her bowl, but she shakes her head and refuses seconds.

“How is your wine?”

If lucky, he will get a noncommittal shrug, if not, she will ignore him and stare straight ahead.

Her behaviour is getting to Ben. He is quicker to give up and resume his meal in silence as the days tick by.

If anyone in the great hall bothered to lift their heads long enough to look at the pair of them, it would be obvious they are not a love match. But no one complains on Rey’s behalf. Not even Jyn. Oh, she sends Rey looks that tell of her upset for Rey, but she never voices her concerns lest it instigates swift retribution for such thoughts.

With people wary of Cur Gu Bás, there has been little trouble.

When Ben spoke with the tenants and cottiers assuring them any insubordination would be swiftly dealt with, he leaned on the advantage of his reputation. It helped quell any rebellious thoughts, without him even having to sharpen his blade.

Dissent only came from the families whose loved ones rode out with her father, and Ben shut them down with simple truths. He had no news, was not involved with that siege, but if approached, he would send supplies. It was enough to silence, if not placate them.

Days run into one another. Days of mute, nervous fear for her father. Confusion over everything to do with Ben.

How is he alive?

Why is he treating her people this way? Yes, there is strict discipline but also fairness and dare she say it, respect. Not the tactics one would expect an executioner to use. How did she end up borderline illegally betrothed to him under a false name? The thoughts bounce around in her head, but she holds the words in check at her lips.

They are a fortnight into this farce when Ben calls for Jyn and Rey. It chafes every time, knowing she must come when he calls. With bad grace, she makes her way over to him and her chatelaine.

“Jyn, how long do you need to prepare for a feast day?” Ben asks.

“We have meat hung, perhaps three days for preparation, Lord?”

“What need do we have for a celebration feast?” Rey crosses her ams. “We’re entering winter, all foods should be stored and rationed to make it through the lean months. A feast is unnecessary.”

“I disagree. Castle Jakku hasn’t celebrated our peaceful acquisition and such a celebration would help endear us to them. Everyone loves a good feast night.”

Rey snorts.

“There’s no need to revel in the idea of being lorded over by a new and violent clan.”

Jyn’s eyes widen and flickers between the two of them.

“I say there is.”

“It’s frivolous and a waste of food. Clearly you were never taught how to ration your store.”

Rey steps back as if to leave but he follows her, closing the gap she had made.

“And clearly you don’t know when people need to have a reprieve from everyday life.”

“There’s nothing to celebrate here.”

Rey stands her ground, with him looming over her.

“Oh, but there is, have you forgotten our betrothal?”

He does not glance away from Rey as he instructs the chatelaine.

“Jyn, prepare a celebration feast in three days’ time.”

She bobs into a curtsey and scurries away from their presence.

“That is not a cause for celebration. I’d sooner drink poison than drink wine in friendship and celebration with you.”

Ben steps closer, a muscle in his jaw ticking. She stares up at him, fists clenched. He points at her chest and she fights the urge to snap his finger off for him.

“You will attend Rey, and you will look the part. Happy and excited for the future or I swear, my men and I will raze Castle Jakku to the ground. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get out alive so you can carry the guilt with you for a life-time.”

“I guess you’d know all about guilt.”

Something, it’s too fast for her to catch it, glints in his eyes before being snuffed out. He regards her from behind the cold, impassive face he so often wears, and she feels irrational guilt at causing upset to him.

“I’ll attend, I’ll dress up, but you can’t make me enjoy myself Ben.”

He dismisses her acceptance with a sneer.

“I forgot you’re a shrew who wouldn’t know a good time if it skelpt her in the face.”

“Excuse me?” _How dare he?_

“I haven’t forgotten the last feast we were at. You ruined that one too.”

He strides away, barking at Mitaka to saddle his horse as he passes the nervous clansman leaving Rey cursing him in her mind.

**

Needle point, not her favourite activity, but she felt the need of something to quieten her mind. If Ben and his men were not here, she would ride out, but it feels risky to go out in the evening on her own when there are so many men she does not trust on the estate.

Stabbing at the fabric, Rey looks at the quality of the day’s work and decides it is of a standard that will only necessitate she unpicks this mess and start again another day. Tossing the needlework in her basket she leans back and gazes into the fire.

Rey is itching to get out of her room. This past fortnight she has been confined to this space. Not that Ben ordered it. But being here is the only place she can guarantee she will not have to spend time with him.

With nothing to entertain her, Rey strips down for bed and slips under the covers. Flipping from side to side, she struggles to settle. By kriff, he frustrates her so. His words niggle at her. She should not still be thinking about the last feast day, but those memories, well, her thoughts are not quiet. They have not been quiet these last two days since Ben’s comment.

She is four years clear from the young girl of that last gathering. Has experienced loss in ways she would not wish on anyone. She knows the fragility of life.

She is not the same. He is not the same.

Still, she cannot escape the sting from memories of when she hoped Ben Solo might be her future. Those thoughts needle at her.

Ben always invited Rey to experience the world in clearer hues. Her discovered love of him was a golden pleasure but her bitter disappointment in him an ash grey. At his loss, her grief was an oily blackness. Now her fury at his current manipulation, has her a crimson red.

Yet, despite their situation, she cannot ignore his words. Over the years she vacillated between thinking her time spent with Ben meant as much to him as her and at others thinking she read too much into it. The regard too one sided on her part and only a flirtation for him. But for him to hold on to any emotion towards that night hints that it meant something to him too.

Why else would he remember?

She flips onto her back. He remembers it wrong. She did not ruin it, it was him. Just as he is ruining her life here at Jakku. Her legs twitch with unexpended energy from hiding up in her room. Throwing the covers off, she sits up. Why the hell is she staying out of the way? It is her home after all. Tomorrow she is riding out on Sorcha. She needs to chase away the nervous energy plaguing her since his return.

**

There is a pale grey-green ribbon of light demarking the sky from the edge of the water when she heads into the stables the next morning. There are scant few people around and those that are, are carrying out their tasks in the kitchens preparing breakfast. It is the work of a matter of minutes to saddle up the chestnut mare and ride out. The air burns her cheeks with its chill but the exhilaration of moving, feeling alive, makes it so she does not notice. Not how her hands are curling into frozen claws nor how the biting wind makes her eyes stream.

For the first time in weeks, she is free.

Rey rides to the outer limits of her family’s lands. She heads South, away from Alderaan and any possible confrontations. Rey picks out a route to take her away from any cottiers. If she must be on display tonight, then she wants privacy today.

No one to observe her and discuss her motives. Today she will be free before she returns to her gilded cage. Tonight, she will put on a show for people who need to believe the lie that their betrothal is something she wants. Although how anyone can give credence to that she does not understand.

She comes to where a thin strip of tessellated rocks project into the water. Rey secures Sorcha’s reins to a sapling and walks down the natural pathway. On the outermost rock she settles on her riding cloak. Water laps the shore, gulls scream above her, and the wind makes the few dry leaves left on the branches rustle. It is the noise of solitude and she welcomes it to help her quieten her mind. There is nothing to do except stare out on the iron-grey water and enjoy the sky above and the still water reflecting the clouds on its mirror like surface.

She is not sure how long she sits there but she should have heard the approaching horse far sooner. It is not until the pummelling hooves sound as if they are on top of her, she comes back into her body.

“Damn.”

It is unlikely she will come to harm, but she is on an isolated outcrop of rocks with no one around to help if the need should arise. Grabbing her cloak and giving it a deft swirl to settle it on her shoulders, she hastens towards Sorcha. Untying the reins, she is about to mount the beast when the other rider emerges from the scrubby undergrowth. Recognition causes bitterness to wash over her.

“You.” She says with a downturn to her lips.

Ben dismounts, drops the reins and is on her in a second, hands roving over her shoulders.

“Why did you run?”

He sounds winded from the speed he was riding.

“I didn’t.”

“Don’t lie to me.” He gives her a slight shake. “You sneak out before full sun-up and disappear. If that’s not running, what is it?”

His eyes are hard, and Rey is sick of being reprimand. Just as she is sick of being cooped up in the castle, she is sick of him controlling of her every move. He is shattering her few moments of peace because he needs to know where she is at all times.

She looks him in the eye and does not waiver as she asks.

“Am I a prisoner?”

Ben looks as if she has slapped him. He drops his hands and straightens.

“No, of course not.”

“Then why the hell are you treating me like one? I went for a ride Ben. I didn’t run. I needed to get out of that damn castle, out of the room you’ve got me stuck in. Sometimes I just need to get away,” she gestures in his direction, “from you.”

Like lancing a festering wound, the words flow out of her, louder and faster than she intends. This need to purge has been building since the moment he stepped into the great hall and showed his face to her.

“You were dead, Ben. Dead. I mourned you. Kriff, I was still mourning you right up to the minute you pulled that bloody plaid off your shoulders proving you’re very much alive.” She throws her hands up. “Do you have any idea what it feels like? To have your very own miracle? I prayed and pleaded that the news was wrong. That you were alive somehow. And then all that wishing and praying pays off,” she waves her open hand in his direction, “because there you are. Right in front of me. But you’re not you. You’re Cur Gu Bás, you’re a murderer, you’re a Ren but the one thing you are not is _my_ Ben Solo.”

She turns her back on him and wraps her arms around herself as she keeps going.

“Kriff knows how, but you’re in league with those attacking my father and your own Mam.”

She rounds on him and fixes him with a hard stare. He breaks eye contact looking ashamed.

“My foster Mam. I’ve already lost my Mam, but you want to take Leia too?”

Ben looks like he’s about to interject but Rey cuts him off.

“Not only do you take my land, my home, my people, you want to take me as well.” She shakes her head. “I have _no choice_ Ben; do you know what that’s like? No control over anything anymore. So, forgive me if I wanted an hour or two to myself. Unbeholden to whatever whim you choose to inflict on me.”

Ben’s face shows nothing, which should be a warning sign to her, but she is too caught up to care, she needs to get this out.

“Eat when I say, sit where I tell you, dress up and smile like a doll. Worst of all, marry me Rey because I say so, _not_ because I want you. _Not_ because you want me.”

She is panting by the time she finishes but Ben looks detached as if she is an actress in a play he is not interested in.

“If this is what you think of me, then I can see why you don’t wish to be betrothed to me.”

Rey lets out a bitter laugh.

“I see a discussion is long overdue.”

He turns and secures his mount and then moves towards the spot she had previously occupied.

“Come. Sit.”

Rey rolls her eyes and there’s a slight lift to one of his cheeks.

“It’s the last thing I’ll insist of from you. Perhaps once you hear what I have to say, you’ll listen to me more.”

With annoyance clear in every line of her body Rey walks towards him and sits herself on the flat stone, tucking her cloak underneath her to protect her from the chill of the rock.

Ben looks out over the water.

“I’m not sure where to start.”

Glancing back at her, he pulls his hand through his hair.

“What happened on your way to Ahch-To?”

From the minute he returned to her, Rey burned to ask questions about Han, about Finn, how he was still alive, but her pride held her back. Here, away from castle eavesdroppers, she could ask, and he might answer with honesty.

“Ambush.” He looks out across the water and his hand reflexively tightens into a fist. “We weren’t expecting it. Dad had no quarrel with anyone, and we’d been bedding down near cottiers lands, not out in the forest. But that morning we’d got up, breakfasted on some porridge from the cottier’s wife for a few coins, you see, and it was a good day, dry. We’d laughed about how we’d make it to Luke’s in record time.”

He throws a sad smile in Rey’s direction.

“You know Dad, always insisting he could get places faster than anyone else on that damn horse, Falcon. Anyway, we entered a narrow valley and it’s their land, you know? They’d the higher ground” Ben looks lost in the memory. “The valley was a bottle neck and not only were they swarming over the cliffs, but some had also closed off our retreat. It was a narrow pass so there were less coming at us from the front. Their tactic is to overwhelm people by coming at them on all sides but Dad, I don’t know, I think he thought charging straight through was his only option and he stuck Falcon with his heels, let out this terrible roar and charged them down. No fear at all.”

Ben hesitates and Rey looks down at her hands thinking of Han’s last moments. How awful to witness, how nightmarish to live on, to be the keeper of those memories.

“It was quick. The Rens aren’t cruel, they cut him down. Efficient.” Ben clears his throat. “Finn and I were surrounded, but I–I was going berserk–trying to cleave as many of them down the middle as I could until someone struck me on the back of the head.”

He takes in the tears streaming thick and fast down her face.

“When I woke up Finn and I had no weapons and we were back on Ren’s land, Mustafar Castle. It could have been weeks, months before anyone spoke to us. I don’t know. They threw us in the hole under the castle. We were given a little food and water, but no information, no idea what they planned to do with us. It’s a miracle we survived.”

“Alisdair Snoke called for us finally, so stinking and weak, we made it to his hall. I’ll not give you the details but suffice to say Rey, he made a very compelling argument for belonging to clan Ren.” Ben sits beside her. “Besides everyone I cared about thought I was dead. That we all were. It’s what Snoke does.”

He lapses into silence as if reliving the horrors of that time.

“Your men. I–I noticed they don’t all answer to the surname Ren?”

Rey phrases her comment like a question, hoping he’ll continue.

“Aye, noticed that have you? You always were too quick by half.” He throws a slight smirk her way. “Men in the same situation as me. Taken from families, given no option. I tell you, Cur Gu Bás hasn’t slaughtered nearly as many young men as the rumours would have you believe. Plenty of old men, that could stand in his way but few young lads, that can be used to swell the ranks of the Rens. Snoke always sends word back that they’ve gone so that no one tries to rescue them. He has myth and might behind him. He’s formidable Rey.”

Ben looks at her and she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, she does not want to ask but she needs to know.

“How many have you killed as Cur Gu Bás?”

“Far fewer than Snoke requires and far more than my soul wants. Only in battle will I raise the spectre of Cur Gu Bás. He has no place anywhere other than on the battlefield. If a man is trying to kill me, then it’s fair game. But I wouldn’t be on that battlefield if it were not for Alisdair Snoke.”

“I’m guess women aren’t fair game.” Rey tries to joke.

“Och this.”

He gestures to his scar, a tight shiny pink against his pale skin.

“You weren’t trying to kill me, not really Rey. You were scared. By kriff, were you scared, of me. I think that hurt worse than the blade of your dirk.”

Rey blinks. “I wasn’t scared.”

“You were. You’d every right to be but you still stood up to me. Not many men over the years have been willing to do that.” He quirks his lips in an ironic smile. “I’ve taken quite the flaying from my men that a lass managed to leave a mark on me.”

He falls silent and Rey hesitates to ask her next question but feels she must.

“Is Finn… is Finn dead?”

Now the words are out she wants to grab them and stuff them back in her mouth.

“No. He’s alive.”

“Why isn’t he with you?”

Ben tilts his head and surveys her face, his eyes roving over her face as she waits on the answer. When Ben speaks it is only to disappoint her.

“There are things I can’t tell you yet, Rey.”

“Why not?”

“Wouldn’t be safe, for you or me.”

There is an air of finality to his words.

“Oh.”

“When I can, I’ll tell you everything Rey, but not now.”

“Do you not trust me?”

“Yes and no. Do I trust the Rey I grew up with? Absolutely. Do I trust the wildcat I’m betrothed to who looks like she wants to scratch my eyes out every time I look her way? No,” he shakes his head, “I don’t trust her at all.”

Rey is hit with a mix of emotions. There is sadness for all that he has been through but despite knowing what has happened; how he has acted these last few weeks means she cannot see him as the Ben of her youth.

Too much has changed for that.

Still, there is a small part of her that wants to inch its way back towards a semblance of the relationship they once shared. Rey can’t make up her mind if that desire should disgust her or not.

Knowing everything he has said, should she allow that information to change how she feels about him?

Ben has killed in cold blood. Killed to expand the empire of a power-hungry maniac.

That he was forced to become Cur Gu Bás doesn’t change the fact that men have died at the end of his blade. He might not have wanted to deliver that final blow, but the dead stay dead no matter what his intentions were.

How can she forgive him? Not that he has asked for her forgiveness.

Maybe if he did, she would not be able to give it.

She is not sure but, sitting here, she finds she wants, no needs, those glimpses of who Ben used to be, to help her carry on with this charade.

“I suppose you won’t tell me why we had to get betrothed either?” she says.

“No, I’ll give you a reason.”

The light is getting brighter, with the sun behind her, he has to squint to look at her.

“You already know. Tell me, from the rumours you’ve heard, what happens to a conquered Laird?”

Rey swallows the bile in her throat.

“They’re executed. By Cur Gu Bás.”

Ben nods.

“Aye, Snoke has no place for old men that can rally power around them. When I rode on Castle Jakku, who was the focal point for the clan?”

“Me.”

“Aye, by kriff, I’ve never been so frightened seeing you standing there, in a plaid of all things. Heading up the clan.” He turns to her; she can see his frustration with the situation on his face. “I know how these things go. You cut down the head of the clan and everyone falls into line.”

The horror of what this means makes her voice weak.

“You would have cut down my father?”

Ben reaches for a bit of gravel near the edge of her skirt and picks it up to skim it across the water. He watches it skips on the smooth surface.

“I’ll give you honesty Rey, but you might not like it.”

Rey’s heart pounds. How could Ben even consider such a heinous act? Her father, how could he plan to kill her father?

“Had he been here, then yes, it would have been necessary, but we’ve been on your lands longer than you realise, I’d a scout keeping an eye for when your Dad rode out. No shame in a castle falling if the Laird’s not there. That’s just unfortunate.” He glances at her taking in her pale face. “I did everything to make sure I wouldn’t be in a situation were killing Chewie was a part of it. I just didn’t think for a minute he’d leave you. When he left, Alderaan was fighting skirmishes on their outer lands. He’d have had time to get to the castle and I thought he’d have wanted you close.”

He picks up another rock and skims it.

“But I wasn’t with him, I was here.”

Ben lets out a long exhale. “Aye, you were.” He looks her full in the face. “I wasn’t prepared to cut you down so the only other way to pull your authority is to join it with mine. I’ll not put the lass I grew up with under the knife.”

Rey lets out a mirthless laugh.

“How honourable. So, we’re both trapped in a loveless match.”

Ben’s dark eyes narrow at her.

“Aye and if you don’t want to end up legally married to me, I suggest you get back on your horse and ride like the wind back to Jakku and pretend we never met out here. You know the law, if anyone thinks we’ve spent a period of time alone they’ll presume we’ve consummated.”

Blushing Rey jumps to her feet and snaps at him. “I’d never consummate with you,” she doesn’t know why she adds, “not out here.”

Following her lead, Ben stands, and he places a hand on her shoulder.

“Aye, you’re right, if we ever consummated, it’d be in one of your fine beds and we’d be there so long there’d be no doubt what we were doing.”

Embarrassed, Rey pushes him hard and he stumbles back a step laughing. He shouts over to her as she wrestles with her horse’s reins to make her escape.

“Dinnea fash, Rey, get on your wee horsie and ride. When I get back to the castle, we’ll just pretend I’m angry you out foxed me.”

Rey pulls Sorcha away throwing a glower over her shoulder as she goes. As she rides, she cannot discern if the ache she feels in her chest is wounded pride because Ben only betrothed her to save her skin, or if the ache is because she wants him in a way she knows she shouldn’t.

**

They dance around each other back at Jakku. He stomps about and in a carrying voice asks where the hell she has been. Rey tosses her hair and claims she only went for a ride and it is not her fault he can’t track a horse in full day light.

Such insults earn her a delighted roar of laughter from his men.

He quells the jeers with a glare before insisting she be ready for the evening. When he bows his head to take his leave, she swears she can see the barest upturn of his lips.

Rey doesn’t want to soften towards Ben. She doesn’t want to feel grateful to him. This version of Ben is a killer, fresh from battlefields saturated with the blood of those foolish enough to go against him. All too easily she can imagine him in combat.

She remembers the mock fights that Finn, Poe, and Ben engaged in at Alderaan growing up. They were little more than a swirl of plaids and crashing metal, blunt blades, laughter, and no intent to harm. Poe, being smaller and narrower in the shoulders, his reach fell short of that of Ben’s, was always at a disadvantage. Even tall and broad Finn looked slight compared to Ben.

That was before Han gifted him a claymore. Unlike a broadsword, the double handed grip of a claymore needs specific handling. When Ben got his, he joked that it was taller than some of the children at the castle. All the bairns lined up to measure themselves against it and the consensus was that a claymore was the size of a nine-year-old Rey.

A brutal sword; designed to kill the maximum number of men in as little time possible. To even pick one up and swing it around your head in the typical figure of eight motion takes phenomenal upper body strength. Han only let Ben practice his charge in the clearing if there was no one around. Kay, Rose, and Rey would watch from the ramparts, the older girls giggling and hoping he’d get too warm and take his shirt off, Rey rolling her eyes at their ways.

She can acknowledge he has only grown stronger. Magnificent but barbaric as he charges a battlefield with a claymore in his hands.

She pushes the thought aside and goes to assist with the preparations.

**

In the looking glass her skin is pale. The problem is she does not know how to act around him anymore. They are not the friendly enemies of yesteryear, but they are also not as at odds as they were yesterday. They are something more than they had been this morning.

After an afternoon spent reflecting on their conversation, there is now a grudging acceptance, from Rey, that it is an impossible situation, and he has made an acceptable sacrifice to keep her alive. This shift in her thinking means she cannot ignore him this evening as they sup.

There is a hard rap on her door. Not bothering to wait on her reply, he enters and ends up looking rather taken aback when he sees her. His eyes travel the length of her, taking in the damson red velvet dress. It was one her Mam had made up, with a mind to courting. Given that, _that_ activity had fallen by the wayside these last few years, the dress has lain unworn for years.

She does not feel a tug to move towards him when he looks pleased. She does not.

“I’d hoped you would make an effort, but I hadn’t believed that you would.”

Rey tsks.

“I believed it prudent after everything this morning.”

“Yes, prudent.”

He gives her a smile and raises his arm for her to take and Rey can see she is not the only one making an effort.

Ben wears the tartan of muted blacks and greys but like feast nights of old he has on a fresh white linen shirt, his plaid folded and trailing from his left shoulder. A brooch of silver, different from the one he wore at Alderaan but still wrought in the Celtic knot style, catches her eye. Suddenly, memories assault her from all sides. Rey at eleven was annoyed with him for turning the heads of all her friends; at eighteen, he turned her head, only to disappoint her when he did not mean it.

Tonight, at twenty-two, she is scared, angry, but still grateful to him for offering her his protection. Rey is more than aware of how beautiful a sight he is in his full regalia and she imagines if she is not careful, she will fall into the trap of his physical allure like she did years ago. With his powerful body, the decorative finery he has donned for the feast night is not frippery; it is pride, and Ben wears it lightly on his broad shoulders. However, Rey cannot understand how that pride can allow him to wear a tartan that is not his.

Trying to push her attraction to him aside, she gives him a mocking look.

“I am going to be on my best behaviour tonight.”

“Oh? And what does _that_ consist of?” He asks.

“I’ll eat beside you and I might smile,” at the look of disbelief on his face she adds, “on occasion.”

“On occasion.” He smirks. “Wouldn’t do to get carried away and smile for most of the evening.”

She nods in agreement, but one side of her mouth is quirking up into a half smile.

“You’re right, that would be most improper.”

He holds his arm out and she moves to place her hand in the crook of his elbow. He does not steer them out of the room.

“Aye, I can see you’re in danger of falling into that trap, but that’s not the only danger you’ll need to navigate tonight.”

She looks at him askance.

“You’ll need to dance with me, at least once.”

Simple, it will be simple. She need only go through the usual steps. It will be like the practise dances Leia made them run through growing up.

“And I doubt my men will let an evening being held to celebrate my betrothal go by without at least one kiss to mark the occasion.”

Rey, ripping her hand from his arm, steps back.

“No, that will not be happening.”

Ben looks her over, picking up on her panic.

“I’ll not instigate it, Rey but if we are asked, as you know we probably will be, I can’t refuse, or it’ll undermine everything I’ve done. Do you want people to be suspicious?”

She looks at him wide eyed.

“Suspicious of what? There can’t be a single person here that thinks we are love match. I haven’t made any secret of my contempt for you and your men being here on my land. Why would I act any different now?”

The lines between his brows deepen, he opens his mouth to speak, stops himself for a moment before saying.

“I hoped they would have left by now but this afternoon, a couple of Snoke’s men rode in to update me on the siege.”

At her rapidly paling face he guides her to sit on the bed.

“No, Rey, the news is stalemate. Neither your father nor my mother have fallen.”

Rey’s air is coming in short pants. She is breathing, she is, but her head is spinning. Here she is playing pretend with Ben and her father and Leia are in grave danger, her friends too.

“Look at me.”

He is kneeling in front of her, hands heavy on her shoulders but she can’t see him, she sees images of the people she loves broken and bleeding on the ground.

“Rey, look at me.”

She is not sure how many times he has to say it before she hears him. Her vision is swimming, but she can hear him now and he is talking to her, crooning in a quiet voice _‘it’s all right, they’re safe, they’re in the castle, hush now little one, hush’_

“Ben?” her voice quivers.

He seats himself next to her and wraps a solid arm around her, drawing her tight into his chest. She buries her face in his plaid and simple breathes him in, letting her heart beat slow. One of his hands rubs soothing circles on her back and it is so reminiscent of the memory of being comforted by him in a cold dark corridor so many years ago that she is there again.

Seeking comfort from Ben.

The feeling so visceral that fresh tears spring to her eyes, tears for a pair of kids who loved to annoy each other growing up, tears for the couple they never were and tears that Ben cannot be who she wants him to be to her. Their time has gone and yet, he still takes actions to keep her safe.

Gradually she disentangles herself from him. He does not let her go fully, his hands skim over her arms, to cradling her hands in his. She sniffs and he frees one hand to retrieve a handkerchief from his sporran. She takes it, wipes at her face, all the while he holds her other hand. Raising her face, she can see the worry etched on his.

“I’m fine.” Her voice cracks.

She gives a watery smile and tries again.

“Honestly, I’m fine.”

He strokes his thumb across her palm.

“They are safe Rey, I promise, the siege could last months.”

A dart of pain shoots through her.

“And then? You said it yourself, Lairds need to be cut down.”

Ben surprises her, he leans forwards and presses a kiss to her forehead. Her eyes widen at the gesture.

“I promise you, do not be concerned. Not now.” He tightens his grip on her hand. “We have matters of our own to fash about.”

“What?”

“Snoke’s scouts. They’re not just bringing news of the siege. They’ll be taking news back.”

Rey feels like she is on her last frayed nerve.

“And? What more can they take back than the truth? You stormed the castle. You have control. We are betrothed at your command. Was that succinct enough because I don’t think I left anything out?”

“As you said Rey, Lairds get cut down. Snoke will be suspicious of why I would force you into a betrothal rather than ending you, particularly if you are unwilling. He knows we grew up together.”

She looks at him sharply, that is their story, she does not want it shared with a monster. Ben shrugs.

“It’s how I justified storming here rather than Alderaan, I told him we harboured a tenderness for one another and that I hoped to lawfully join the lands by matrimony.” At the look of dawning horror on her face he tries to explain more. “But I never thought you’d be here. I thought it was a convenient lie to stop me raising my sword against my people. Nothing more. But now with his spies here…if a report gets back we dislike each other…”

He looks down at their joined hands and places his other hand on top, engulfing hers in his before looking at her.

“It won’t end well for me will it?”

He purses his lips and shakes his head. For the first time Rey wonders if Ben is holding powerful emotions in check but what slips through on his face looks to be fear and if it is, who is it for? For her or for his own hide?

Confused, she asks.

“But what about your men? Won’t they tell tales?”

“No,” Ben draws a hand down his face and sighs, “my men are loyal to me.” He gives a weary half smile. “They know the yarn I’m spinning, and they’ve enjoyed every one of the glares you’ve thrown my way.”

He gives her a more natural smile that lights up his face and for a moment Rey loses her breath again but for an entirely different reason.

“Besides, I believe there’s a fair bit of coin riding on whether you’ll kiss me as expected or smack me across the back of the head with a serving platter.”

Rey blinks but then smiles slyly.

“I’ll give you a few coins to put on me kissing you. If I have to do this, I should at least see some of the profits for my sacrifice, should I not?”

Ben laughs and lets her hand go. Rising from the bed he thumps her on the shoulder in what she guesses is an affectionate pat.

“Aye, I’ll put a wager on for you. Take five minutes, let your face,” he gestures to what she can only imagine is a blotchy swollen mess, “eh, calm down a bit and I’ll come get you to escort you to the hall.”

When he leaves Rey glances in the mirror at her face and thinks it is going to take more than five minutes to fix this.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your lovely comments they really make my day. Once again thanks go to Emmy-cc for the astoundingly quick beta work she did on this despite being an incredibly busy human being.  
> I hope you enjoy x

Ben and Rey have not let the smiles drop from their faces throughout the meal, to the point Rey feels her cheeks are in danger of going into a cramp. Ben angles his body so that he can attend to her needs. That is not unusual – Ben’s been doing that for weeks – but it is only now she is noticing. Because for once, she is not turning her body away from him.

Sat like this, they are closer than at any of the other meals they have taken together. There are accidental brushes of arms. There are brief touches of hands as he takes her wine glass and tops it up for her. Each touch is a bright white flame licking up her body. Not being allowed to defend herself from him as she normally would, she finds she cannot ignore him and every infinitesimal shift in his weight, every movement, is studied out of the corner of her eye. For once, Rey is not sure what foods have been set down to her.

Her hyperawareness gets worse as the meal draws to a close. Grudgingly, she admits he was right; people needed the relief of celebration. He catches her eye and gives the slightest of nods before he rises to address the crowd. The low babble of conversation dies away at the sight of him standing.

“Tonight we are all clansmen here and I give all of you thanks for allowing the transition to happen with so little strife.”

Rey’s eyes track around the faces of the room. The ‘Rens’ faces flushed with wine and no doubt whiskey, with a happy relaxed demeanour to them, but – so too are many of her own people. The only families who look unmoved are those that have loved ones with her father. Jess, whose husband has gone with Chewie, catches her eye and there is nothing but vitriol there. Rey ducks her head, frightened of the scrutiny of those eyes and drinks from her wine.

“We live in a time of change. Of shifting loyalties. Chewie was a fine Laird but with my betrothal to your Lady Rey,” his hand comes down to rest on her shoulder, “there should be only celebration in these lands as this is a union of two families, not a splitting asunder of clans.”

The Rens roar their approval. As do a few of Rey’s clansmen. The scouts seated at the back catch Rey’s eye as they raise their cups to toast the couple, and with a shock, Rey remembers she should be convincing them, not staring out into the sea of faces. She lifts her hand and places it on top of Ben’s hand as it sits on her shoulder. It is a poor echo of a gesture she saw her parents do many times. Her hand trembles and she hopes Ben cannot feel it.

Like he said there would be, there is chanting and stamping of feet as people demand their kiss.

Still resting her hand on his, she glances up at him. When Rey, long ago, fancied a genuine love match between her and Ben, not even her foolish childish imaginings could compare with the way he is looking at her now.

In his eyes she can see herself as the most fragile and precious thing in the world. It is breath taking to be held with such regard. Neither of them makes a move towards the other. The gap between them is small but feels unbreachable. Letting his hand go, she pushes to her feet. Holding his eye, she lets him read her acceptance there.

Ben’s hand skims her cheek, before his fingers burrow into her hair, cupping the back of her head. In his movements there is tenderness and care, and her skin is awash with him touching her, holding her, gazing at her.

This is to be her first kiss.

That her first kiss is to be played false, burns through her.

Rey wants nothing more than for this to be real. Oh, she might change her mind in an hour or two, but right now she wishes it were genuine and it fuels her anger that it is not. When Ben moves towards her, in her haste to have this charade over with, she surges up onto her toes and presses her lips to his, catching him unaware. His hands take only a fraction of a second to respond, clutching her tighter to him. His lips mould over hers and the sensation burns through her. Intense, beautiful, and if she does not stop it, all-consuming, and she will be lost to this kiss.

To lose more of herself to Ben will hurt only her in the end.

Rey pulls away and Ben is quick to release her, his pupils blown wide with shock at her brazen move, tracking her every move as she seats herself.

Ben remains standing as his men howl with laughter and make bawdy jokes. Ever in control, he reins himself in and turns to the waiting throng.

“As you can see a true love match.” He smirks at the expectant faces, raises his cup, and gives the traditional blessing. “ _Slainte mhor agus a h-uile beannachd duibh_.”

Rey repeats the words back with the crowd, takes a drink to seal Ben’s blessing of good health and happiness to all, and wonders why she feels so excluded from those words.

**

The musicians strike up a familiar tune and Ben leads her to the dance floor for a fast reel. For that she is grateful, the speed and complexity of the steps mean she can sink more into her physicality and move rather than be stuck in her head thinking of their kiss.

Follow the steps and follow his lead. It is all that is being asked of her in this moment.

They swing in a twirl; a clash of limbs and movement and she gives herself over to the dancing. So much so the smile tugging at her mouth becomes a true one. Rey does not raise her eyes beyond chest height, and Ben does not ask her to look at him. In this manner they make their way round the hall, avoiding other dancers as they traverse the floor.

For the dances that come after, they separate and take other partners, but her eyes cannot help but be drawn back to him. How he looks as he moves, how his hand rests on the small of his partner’s back. Rey burns with a longing she knows she should not feel, to be back in his arms.

**

Except for the scouts, Rey suspects she has danced with every Ren in attendance across the evening. The two men sit undisturbed by the merriment of the evening watching, always watching. It is late, her feet hurt – some of her partners had more enthusiasm than technical skill – and she is sweating through her gown, but her body’s concerns are nothing compared to her mind’s. Her desire for Ben has only built as the night wears on and she is desperate to retire to her room alone, to gain some sort of equilibrium over the situation.

As the last notes of the dance fade away, Rey moves with as much grace as she can manage, through the crowded dancefloor back to the top table. She is almost there when the fiddler pulls his bow long and slow across the strings so that a lamenting note indicates the start of the couple’s dance.

“Would you take a turn with me?”

Ben is there behind her.

Nodding, she steps into his embrace. Ben takes her right hand in his left, and his other hand settles low on her waist. This time, as they flow through the steps, her left hand can reach his shoulder. She smiles at his chest, thinking of this slight discrepancy between then and now.

“Why are you smiling?”

“Just remembering the last time we danced this way.”

“Aye, you were nothing but a slip of a lass then. But if felt nice to dance with you then and even nicer to dance with you now.”

She breaks her rule of no eye contact and looks up.

“I like having you in my arms.”

He does not look as if he is lying. If Rey had not been so well versed in the steps of the dance, she would have stumbled at this revelation.

“If you’re here, in my arms, then I know you're safe. And Rey, that’s all I want,” her heart soars, “to keep my friend safe, because despite everything over the years we always were friends” and plummets.

She cannot answer. Rey averts her eyes and berates herself for not even realising she was getting her hopes up. How foolish is she?

They turn around the room and the sadness of the music seems to lodge in her chest, melding with her own pain. When its last notes are played, she forces a polite smile onto her face and bobs a curtsey before moving to the edge of the hall.

“I’m tired Ben, I wish to retire.”

“I’ll escort you to your chambers.”

She shakes her head.

“There is no need, I am perfectly capable.”

Even to her ears, she sounds brittle.

“Rey –”

“I’m fine, Ben, just tired.”

She says with more force. Making to leave, she almost bumps into an older man with hair streaked with white.

“Fett,” Ben acknowledges. “can I introduce Rey, my betrothed to you?”

Rey has felt this man’s eyes on her all evening. She is quick to curtsey and dip her head forward, though it feels wrong to appear subservient in front of this man.

“It is a pleasure.”

Fett’s weathered face gives no sign he feels any pleasure at their introduction. Rey feels Ben take her hand as he steps in closer.

“Rey is about to retire to her chambers. I will escort her and meet you back here to share a drink.”

“Her chambers?” Fett lifts an eyebrow in surprise. “I would have thought being a love match, it would be your chambers she’s retiring to, or did I misinterpret something?”

There is an enquiring look on his face, as if the answer to his question is fascinating to him.

“No, we are betrothed, not yet married. I give my lady all the respect that she is due in that regard.”

Rey tries not to grip Ben’s hand, tries to look relaxed, but doubts she is succeeding.

“You are both of age, no parental consent is required. Indeed, I think it would be difficult to obtain a parental blessing, given the most unfortunate circumstances. It is common practice, is it not? To simply share a bed and the law will recognise you as a married couple. Why wait when you are,” his eyes flick over them, “so clearly in love?”

Rey is screaming in her head and she gives Ben a sideways glance, but all she can see is a deep scowl and his jaw ticking, an indicator of his suppressed rage.

“I don’t believe it is up to you to determine the speed of our courtship. It is up to Rey. I will take her to her room and return for a drink with you.”

Ben pulls Rey towards the door but before they have taken more than a few steps, Fett remarks.

“Alisdair will be very interested in this.”

Rey feels the tension increase in Ben’s body, but he does not respond to Fett’s goading, merely pulls her along in his wake.

Ben says nothing as they navigate the corridors. Every time Rey opens her mouth to speak, he mutters, “Not here.”

Rage pours off him. At her room, he opens and closes the door with force. Then presses his back against the door as if he can hold back everything bad rushing towards them. After a beat, he relaxes against the hard wood, taking deep breaths.

“Ben, what do we do?” how small her voice sounds.

He opens his eyes and looks at her for a what feels like minutes before pushing off from the door and gathering her to him.

“I’m sorry.” She feels him swallow. “I can’t see a way round it, Rey. We’ll need to share the room. If we don’t, Fett will report this is a sham and you’ll most likely be put to death if Snoke remains in control.” He hugs her tighter. “I will not let that happen.”

She pulls herself free from his embrace and starts to pace.

“You’ll be sleeping on the floor.”

Ben nods.

She cannot help but point out the obvious flaw to him.

“If we are seen spending the night together, we are married in the eyes of the law. Married Ben, not a betrothal we can break in the future. We would belong to one another for the rest of our lives.”

Even as she revolts against the idea, a tiny part of her rejoices. Pulling his hand through his hair, he rolls his lips inwards and then relaxes his face again.

“What?” she demands.

“What do you mean, what?”

“Ben, I know you, that’s your thinking face. What aren’t you telling me?” she stops in front of him and pokes him hard in the chest with her index finger.

His lips pull up. “Aye, I can’t get anything past you.” He levels a serious look at her. “I think we could still get the marriage dissolved at a later date.”

“Why? Because you entered into a legal betrothal under another man’s name? Yes, I totally agree that would be grounds for dissolving the marriage.” She shakes her head. “But what about after? What happens then?” She throws up her hands.

He takes a step towards her and she can see the fury in his eyes.

“You need to survive the next few months for that to even be an issue, Rey.”

He keeps his voice in check for fear of being overheard.

“Why don’t we concentrate on getting through the next few weeks, days, kriff, hours even, before you start thinking about your next husband?”

Wrenching open the door, he heads back to play nice with Fett.

_Next husband? Where did that idea come from?_

Frustrated, Rey throws herself back on the bed. Kicking her heels against the mattress, annoyed with bloody Snoke and his ability to pull strings when he isn’t even at Jakku and yes, if she is honest, with herself. She cannot believe that she has allowed herself to be so much under Ben’s thrall again. Yet when he returns to this room, it will not be because he wants _her,_ it will be because the situation demands it.

**

Once her anger burns out, Rey readies herself for bed. The sheets end up twisted around her as she tries to sleep, but she knows sleep is going to be in a short supply tonight. Ben does not torture her by making her wait. About an hour and a half later, he pulls her door open. Lying still, she closes her eyes, hoping he will think her asleep.

“I know you’re awake, Rey.”

She sits up, tucking the covers under her chin. He stands there holding a candle, its dim light allowing her to pick out the anxious look on his face.

“I’m sorry Rey, but I don’t trust that Fett won’t try to enter here at some point.”

He sits on the edge of the bed.

“And if we’re caught with you on the floor?”

“Then it’s been a waste of time, hasn’t it?”

His shoulders slump, all fight leaving him.

“We’ll only sleep in the bed,” he turns to look at her, “I promise we will address the fallout from this once we are out of danger Rey. And it’s only fair you should know I haven’t shared a bed with a woman either, so I understand how awkward this feels.”

She nods, and he picks up the pillows and blankets she placed on the floor at the side of the bed.

This is not how she thought her first night with a man would be, but they are in a precarious position. Ben blows out the candle and from the sounds she can hear, she surmises he is undressing. Rey tries not to think on what he will wear to bed. The bed dips and his greater weight means she rolls towards him.

Grabbing the bed frame, she pulls herself back to her side of the bed. Heart pounding in the dark. Ben shifts so that he too is resting on the opposite edge. There must be a foot of empty space between them, and yet it feels like nothing.

She is laying with a man she wants, and yet there is no enduring love between them nor the promise of a future once this situation is over. It tastes bitter on her tongue.

He speaks into the darkness.

“Rey. Take my hand.”

They move so that they are on their backs, reaching their hands across the empty space and grasp tight.

They don’t move after.

They don’t say anything.

But it helps.

Knowing she is not alone.

Perhaps it helps him too.

**

Castles are draughty. If the wind is chill, you feel it sweep against your exposed cheek as you lay in bed. There’s always that blessed moment between full wakefulness and dreams, when, on experiencing the cold air, you coorie down further into your covers, snug and warm before the demands of the day insist you rise to meet them.

Her bed feels particularly warm this morning. She rolls on her back and stretches long like one of the mouser cats from the kitchen when they find a good sunbeam.

“Good morning.”

Hesitant, Rey opens her eyes. Ben is on his side, propped up on his elbow, watching her. He is far enough away from her than when she flipped onto her back, it left her inches from his body. She scoots back to her side of the bed and pulls the covers to her neck.

“There’s no need to fash, Rey. I’ve not touched you.”

He sounds disappointed, and she rushes to reassure him.

“No, I know, I just… this is, well it’s not wrong… not legally wrong, but I’ve never had a man in my bed and –”

He raises himself up and reaching across, smooths her hair behind her ear, the pads of his fingers skim her skin.

“I know and you’re safe, Rey. All I want is for you to be alright, you know that?”

She nods, and he gives a grin that makes her think this would not be such a bad way to wake up after all.

“Close your eyes, I’m going to get up now. Once I’m dressed, I’ll leave you to ready yourself.”

Rey does as he asks but it takes more effort to keep her eyes closed than she would have thought as she lies there and listens to him wash. Knowing that he is bare, the temptation to peek is great. She ducks her head under the covers lest she succumbs.

**

Ben left a good twenty minutes ago. It had taken much to convince herself she could rise, wash, and dress and no one would come into the bed chambers. Still, the necessary tasks are completed at speed, with her ear cocked for the sounds of anyone approaching the room. As she fixes her hair, there is a light rap on the door.

“Come in.” Jyn slips into the room. She approaches Rey, hands held out, and pulls her into a hug.

“Oh lamb, are you all right? He didn’t hurt you too bad, did he?”

Rey disengages from Jyn’s embrace and takes in the concerned face of her friend.

“No, he,” she stumbles over his false name, “Kylo was kind.”

Jyn looks glassy eyed and squeezes Rey’s hand.

“Good. Had I realised that would have been the outcome of the feast, I would have taken you aside and warned you. What it, what it would be like. Like your Mam would have if she’d been here.”

“Oh, thank you.”

Rey is as clueless this morning as she was last night as to what goes on in the marital bed, but she tries to put on a face that conveys worldliness.

“Hmmph, he’s down there strutting about, lapping up all the praise from his men for bedding you.”

“Oh.”

She had not realised that would be the natural conclusion of their sharing a bed.

“Now don’t you worry your head about it. I’ll take the sheets downstairs as proof.”

“Proof?”

“Aye, proof. You’ll have bled a bit, not much mind but a little,” Rey seems so confused by this that Jyn slyly asks, “or was he that ‘kind’ that you didn’t notice Rey?”

She looks thrilled for her.

Rey is so discombobulated by this whole topic, she does not know what to do. She sits heavily on the bed.

“Jyn, could you please send Kylo up to speak with me?”

“Hush, child, you’ve not to mind a bit of ribbing. I doubt the men will say anything to you and if they do, it’ll only be in good natured jest. Now, up, let me get these sheets out of here.”

Panic makes Rey harsh. “Please Jyn, send Kylo.”

Jyn makes a tsking noise, “I’ll go fetch your husband.”

Husband. The word bounces round Rey’s brain. It is incredible to her that people believe she has a husband when nothing could be further from the truth.

“Jyn says your overwrought?” Ben is already checking her over.

“Shut the door and keep your voice down.” She whispers and he complies.

“What’s the matter?”

“The sheets. Jyn wants the sheets for proof. Proof. There isn’t any proof!”

Ben’s laughter bursts from him.

“Aye there is. Look.” Pulling back the sheets, there are a few drops of blood, rust brown rather than fresh red. “I’ll take this to Jyn and then I’ll come back and get you.”

He leans forward and pulls the bottom sheet clean away from the bed and bundles it under his arm and heads out. She hears him greeting someone in the corridor. There is much laughter at Ben’s quip of “Aye, she’s shy, my wife.”

He is speaking at such a volume it will carry all over the castle. Rey puts her hands on her face to cover her flaming cheeks. There cannot be a single person in the castle that has not either seen or heard what Ben and she allegedly got up to last night.

When he re-enters the room ten minutes later, her rage at her private business being so openly discussed is towering. She rounds the bed and jabs him in the chest.

“What is the meaning of this, Ben? Why are you embarrassing me?”

Ben’s face darkens, and he grabs at the hand poking him.

“I don’t mean to embarrass you Rey, but see sense. I need to prove to Fett the wedding is valid.”

Rey tugs her hand out of his grasp.

“Aye, and a fat lot of good that’s going to do me when we try to dissolve this later, if Fett is going around telling everybody how he saw our bloodied sheets.”

She throws her hands up in exasperation. Ben gives his head a slight shake.

“Your husband will know Rey, and isn’t that all that matters?”

“ _You’re_ my husband. Isn’t that the problem?”

She throws the cutting comment out, designed to hurt him.

“Aye, I am.”

He draws himself up to his full height, scowling at her. She crosses her arms and turns her back to him. A silence descends as neither of them can move past this truth.

After a time of Rey asks him dismissively.

“Whose blood is on the sheets?”

She can hear the sulking in his voice as he replies.

“Mine, didn’t see why you should bleed for a marriage you don’t want.”

Rey has no answer for that, that does not belie how her feelings are changing.

“Do you always sleep with a knife?”

“Aye, especially now I’ve something worth protecting.”

**

The ribbing happens. How could it not? In a castle where nothing is private, much is made of their marriage. The women wondered aloud at Ben’s skills, and the men commented about his lack of them. The only one silent on the subject is Rey.

Wouldn’t the castle inhabitants love to know at night how both Ben and Rey cling to their edge of the bed, frightened to invite intimacies under the weight of darkness. Every morning she wakes to him lying safe on his edge, whilst she is settled in the middle. Sometimes he is dressed by the time she rouses herself, lying on top of the covers.

He greets the morning with her every day. Then leaves for his duties.

The companionship confuses her. What is the intention behind his behaviour?

Rey compares it to how he has acted towards her since coming to Jakku. Does his more civil way of behaving mean he likes her more or less? Does it solidify her friend status to him, or are they moving away from that identity?

She does not ask Ben because she cannot bear to hear his answer.

**

Fett and the other scout leave after a few days. Ben and Rey continue to share chambers as what is done, is done, and to separate now would only set tongues wagging. Soon days slip into weeks. Two and a half months have gone by since Chewie and the fighters left. There is never any news.

If Ben is receiving information, he does not share it.

It is a surprise then, when he comes to her bed – always she retires first, it is the only privacy he can give her – and talks about Castle Alderaan.

“The siege will be coming up on two months soon.”

“Don’t you mean three?” she asks, confused.

When he says nothing further, Rey turns in bed and sits up.

“What do you mean? Isn’t it three months, not two?”

“It’s… nothing.”

“Ben.”

He turns so that he is on his back.

“It might be time.” 

“Time for what? You are not being forthcoming, Ben.”

“Time to make a move.”

She grabs his shoulder.

“Make a move? Against my father? Your mother?” She searches his eyes for some form of remorse at such an action. He holds her gaze and then turns more fully to face her and her hand drops.

“I want to tell you about Finn, Rey.”

“I’d rather hear what your plans are. Finn, as much as I miss him, is not my priority at the moment. My father is, Ben.”

“Aye, but Finn should be. You’ll remember I told you Finn and I were taken by Alisdair Snoke of clan Ren?” Rey nods. “Snoke used us both ill. It’s not a happy life in Mustafar Castle.”

“I imagine not.” She lies back down on the bed, turning on her side to listen to him talk.

“No. Impressed by my strength and fighting, after many months Snoke made me his successor.” The linen of his pillow rustles as he turns towards her. “You believe me when I say I never wanted it? Never wanted to be Cur Gu Bás?”

Rey takes his hand.

“Yes.”

“I had no choice, Rey, none.” She hears the air click in his throat as he swallows. “Snoke had plans to take over everywhere, and he has the money and the men to put those plans into action. I used whatever power I thought I had to negotiate with him. I would be his successor as long as he never moved on Alderaan.” Ben lets out a breath. “I’m not proud of this, but I knew if I refused, he would have me killed and I was scared. I thought it was better – no, not better – easier, if strangers fell under my blade than those I love.”

What little light there is from the fire embers makes his eyes glint with unshed tears that Rey pretends she cannot see. She reaches her other hand out and lays it on top of their already clasped hands, and he turns his head and looks at her.

“Rey.”

“I understand.”

“Do you? I doubt even Finn understands, and he was there.”

He lifts his free hand and tucks a strand of hair that has escaped from her night plait behind her ear.

“I trained with Snoke during the day. Whilst Finn did what Finn does, he made friends.” Rey can hear the smile in Ben’s voice. “He found out every lad’s story. When we’d meet in the evening, he’d talk about their hurts, their disgust for the clan they’d been forced into, trained to repeat the same atrocities on others. Not everyone, mind. There were some that were happy under Snoke’s control, but those that weren’t, Finn kept them close. Over the years, those lads have seen that I didn’t want to kill, to instil fear. They trusted Finn first and then, I guess it’s harder to believe, but they began to trust me.”

“That’s the men who you’ve got with you.”

“Aye, good men, who want nothing more than to return home to their own kinsmen. That’s why there wasn’t a drop of blood spilled here at Jakku.”

Rey considers this but cannot help asking, “But where is Finn?”

“Depends on who you ask.”

“What?”

“If you ask Snoke, Finn died six months ago at the end of my blade over gambling debts.”

“But Finn doesn’t gamble, doesn’t have the face for it.”

Rey remembers Finn’s honest expressions that gave away any form of trickery when they were young. She catches a smile on Ben’s face.

“Aye, I know, that’s what we thought was so funny about it. I had twenty witnesses telling Snoke that Finn refused to pay his bad debts and as is my right, I took it out of his flesh,” Ben’s smile widens, “except, Finn is very much alive and in Castle Alderaan.”

“What?!”

Rey sits up in shock.

“Shush.” Ben glances towards the door and they both wait a beat whilst Rey settles back down, but her heart is racing now.

“Aye, we smuggled him out, and he rode like the wind back to my Mam. He had to warn them. Snoke planned to rescind on his promise to me, and I couldn’t let all those people’s deaths be for nothing. Nor could I let him raise a sword to my clan.”

“Your Mam knows?”

“She does. She and Finn have been storing up food and grains for the clansmen and grasses for the animals so that they can stay inside Alderaan for months, Rey, months.”

“But my father…”

“Aye, well, that bit didn’t work out as planned. Mam was to write requesting his help before things got too bad. You were supposed to be with him so that when I rode on here, it’d easy pickings, no resistance, no need for bloodshed.”

“But I was here.”

Ben grunts his disgust at her reminder, but Rey hardly notices him as the relief Ben’s news brings washes over her.

“My father is safe? Not starving?”

“No, he should be fine. Clan Ren, not so much. There’s only so many rations you can carry. Sieges only work when you cut off the food supply to the folks in the castle, but if they know, if they’re prepared, they can sit it out until you are weak. Then it’s a matter of attacking. Again, it’s normally those in the castle that are weak but if they aren’t, and you call for reinforcement from Jakku and it turns out they aren’t on your side…”

“Surrounded. Snoke would be surrounded.”

Rey cannot keep the excitement from her voice. Ben’s next words pull that growing sense of elation from her.

“It’ll not be easy. People will die Rey, but I think it’s the best strategy we’ve got to end Snoke.”

Ben falls silent, leaving Rey to think on the lives of friends and loved ones that might be lost. She cannot allow herself to include Ben in that group.

As they settle back into the bed, they say nothing more but the air around them crackles with unspoken words.

**

From the brightness in the room, Rey can tell she has slept long. Ben too. He must have relaxed more knowing there were no more secrets between them. He is still asleep. Indeed, she is wrapped up in the shelter of his body, her spine to his front, his arms around her. She should move out of his reach, should return to her edge of the bed, but her mind is tired after thinking through each permutation of Ben’s story and its consequences in her mind.

She got little sleep until the wee hours.

Besides, even knowing she should not enjoy this, she does. Being here in his arms feels safe. She will move in a minute once it looks like Ben is stirring. She is snuggling and wiggling herself deeper into him, when she is stopped by him gripping her around her middle, stilling her.

“Rey.”

He voice is confused with sleep but coming into awareness. She feels it then, hot and heavy, nestled into the softness of her arse. So much more solid than she imagined.

She stills like a rabbit catching the sound of crunching leaves under the hunter’s foot. Neither of them moves.

Rey might not have experience, but she has lived around livestock all her life and has a concept of what must happen when men and women lay together. Parts of the act are blanks in her mind. She knows nothing and cannot ask anyone lest she expose her marriage as a sham. She had not thought of Ben having… well, she knew he had a cock, but she had not thought about what his cock looked like, let alone what it would feel like. Huge, and she is hesitant to try to imagine what he might do with that as all her imaginings centre on the idea of pain and blood on the sheets.

Ben clears his throat and begins untangling himself from her, and he rolls away to the thin strip of the bed she thinks of as his. Despite the warmth of her covers, it is cold without him.

“Sorry.” He apologises.

“Oh, um.” She begins but stops when she can think of nothing to say. She keeps facing away from him, not wanting to see him.

“You should see how red your face is Rey,” he laughs and pats her on the rump, “you’re fine, I wake up like this with you every morning. It’s nothing to fash about.”

Her curiosity wins out over her embarrassment and she flips over, facing him but retaining the space between them.

“Every morning?”

“Aye, and I go to bed with it every evening too it feels like.”

“Why?”

“Why?” He lifts an eyebrow at her as if gauging what it is she is asking. “Why does my cock get hard? Or why does it get hard near you?”

She waves his words away with a hand.

“Just why does it get hard.”

She cannot believe how coarse she is being and now that she has asked, she does not want to know if there is a specific answer to her other question.

“So that it can go inside you.”

Rey squeaks and pulls the covers over her face. She sort of knew this but to hear Ben say it. No, just no.

“Has no one spoke to you about this?”

She shakes her head under the covers and he continues.

“It’s not just for making bairns, though, it can be for pleasure.”

He pulls the sheets back, revealing Rey’s eyes round with astonishment.

“That felt big Ben, there’s no way that would feel nice, in, inside me.”

She manages to get out.

“I don’t know about lassies but my Dad said –”

Rey clamps her hands over her ears.

“No, no, don’t talk about Han and this at the same time. No.”

Ben is laughing so hard it is making the bed shake a little. He pulls one hand away from her ear.

“Listen, my Dad said, if a man takes time and pays attention to the lassie, she’ll find pleasure in it too.”

“Kriff sake, stop talking. I don’t want to know about your Mam and Dad.”

“Och, well, when you put it like that, I don’t reckon I want to think of them either.”

He shoots her a grin. They fall silent.

“Have you…?” she starts.

“No, and I know you haven’t either.” He looks at her curiously, “Do you ever, I don’t know, feel different down there?”

Rey plays with the edge of the blanket. She knows what he is asking, but she is not sure she can be as honest as him. She feels a heartbeat that only lives between her legs when he is close, making her wet and giving her the sense of wanting something just out of her grasp. That is what he does to her. No one else.

“Rey, please. We can be honest with each other, can’t we?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes I feel, I guess you’d say, swollen? Down there.”

She is not sure how to interpret the way he is looking at her. Excited she guesses. She rushes on to finish what she is saying before her bravery deserts her.

“And a little damp.”

There, she has said it. Now she is going to burn in the fiery pits due to her shame.

“There’s nothing wrong with talking about it, Rey. This is us. I think we’ve earned the right to talk about anything.”

He pulls her back into the middle of the bed and wraps a well-muscled arm around her waist. She notices that he keeps the lower half of his body a respectful distance away from her. They stay that way both taking comfort from the warmth and weight of another’s body before Ben must rise to start the day. Rey pulls the covers over her head. Today might be the hardest day yet to keep her eyes closed.

**

Rey picks at her porridge and looks around the hall. Things are more or less good. There seems to be an acceptance from her people, albeit a grudging one in some cases, of the Rens being here. There has been more cooperation in this last month.

Rey cannot dismiss Ben’s part in that.

She watches him out of her peripheral vision, breakfasting with her. He always takes his meals when she does. Rey ponders this. It is a clever tactic she supposes. Always displaying them as a united couple. It makes it seem as if the Rens are only a contingent of men, brought along by her new groom to help him adjust to his new life at Jakku, rather than having carried out a bloodless coup on clan Kanata. Ben catches her watching him and pauses his spoon on its way to his mouth and flashes her a quizzical look. She shakes her head but her heart thumps unevenly as it always does when he gives her his full attention.

It is a struggle, but she follows the thread of her original thought, the closer they appear the more docile and relaxed about the situation her clansmen are. Wexley approaches the table and goes directly to Ben, leans down and in low tones begins a discussion regarding a couple of cottiers in need of assistance and Ben offers his reply. When they finish, Ben slaps Wexley on the arm.

It is easy and Ben looks right sitting here. He must feel her continued gaze as he does not return to his porridge but leans into her.

“Are you ok?”

“Hmm fine.” She mutters. She cannot help thinking _who am I to you, Ben? Am I just another tool for you to use to get your way?_

“Aye, you look it.”

She shrugs.

“Don’t fash yourself, things will be alright.” He says and continues taking his breakfast.

_But will they? Will your plan work? Will you get rid of Snoke? Once you do, will you leave? Do I want you to leave? Would you stay if I asked?_

But Rey says nothing. She gives a wan smile and returns to her food.

**

Ben trains his men outside the walls of the courtyard. They are caught in an intricate dance of swirling blades and quick footwork. None are as impressive as Ben. He takes on two, three of them at once. It is easy with a claymore for him to fight more than one, even though the stance he must use leaves his abdomen and back exposed, this would only be an issue if there are archers. No swordsman can get close enough to land a blow on him. Rey is watching from the ramparts when Jyn approaches.

“Braw looking man, your husband.”

Rey flushes and nods.

“Aye, might not have been what we were expecting at first, but it’s worked out remarkably peacefully. Many folks can follow behind Kylo,” hearing Jyn use Ben’s false name always throws Rey off, “maybe even if he wasn’t you husband. But he is, and you don’t look too unhappy about it.”

Jyn gives a teasing smile and nudges Rey’s shoulder at her blush.

**

Rey looks for evidence of the truth of what Jyn had said. The more she looks, the more she finds settled contented people.

She watches Ben train his men, and some of hers too, most days now. He still carries out the duties of the castle and has time to settle squabbles between cottiers. He is firm, and it is in his favour that his undercurrent of menace has not faded with time. Ben seems to draw on it when he needs to. It means whatever he asks of people, they do it.

The question of whether she is a means to an end to him remains, thrumming like a low-level headache she cannot shift. Rey has woken a few mornings, held tight against him. She is not sure why he has stopped waking before her every day, but those moments are ones she treasures.

Her heart is less conflicted knowing Ben did not commit all the atrocities Cur Gu Bás is accused of. He has committed more bloodshed than anyone can be comfortable with. That he did it in a misguided attempt to protect those he loves, makes the situation more blurred and less clearly defined as right and wrong in her mind. Having awareness of his situation changes him in her regard. She cannot excuse his actions but can accept his explanation.

It is dangerous how much she is willing to forgive the man who lies in her bed and is making a home in her heart even though he does not know it.

**

Rey waits for Ben’s training with his men to finish and she catches him as he enters the courtyard, face flushed with exertion, talking and by the looks of it, taking a ribbing from a couple of his men.

He stops in front of her and nods his goodbyes before giving her his attention.

“You look bothered. What ails you?”

“If you’d ride with me, I’ll tell you.”

He raises his eyebrows at her clipped words but waves over Mitaka and asks him to prepare their mounts.

Rey regrets her tone but this feeling, it’s been building, and she needs to discuss it now.

Ben nips to the kitchen for a bite to eat and a drink before they leave. Soon they are racing under the portcullis and out over soil that is as hard as stone. Snow fell overnight, just a dusting, but it clings to the grass. They don’t go far. They make it to a clearing and Rey pulls Sorcha to a stop. Ben passes her on his black beast Taigh, before slowing to a walk and returning to her.

“What’s wrong? You look as if your arse was knitting buttons the whole way here.”

He is first to dismount and comes to assist her. She removes her elbow from his steadying hand and faces him.

“I need you to train me.”

Ben’s forehead scrunches as if he does not understand her words.

“You used to show me what to do with a dirk when I was little. I need you to do it again but with a broadsword.”

“Rey, why would you need to train?”

“When you go, I won’t be left defenceless, not again.”

She pulls her shoulders back as he looks at her with concern.

“I won’t leave you on your own. You’ll be here with your clan. All the fighting, it won’t be on your land.”

“I’d still rather know what I’m doing.”

He takes a few steps round the clearing, scuffing the powdery snow out from under his feet. He nods to himself.

“Have you got your dirk?” she nods. “You’ll not be able to get the necessary swing behind a broadsword Rey, your arms are too short and you don’t have the strength to wield it.”

At her puffed up chest and angry look he holds his hands up to placate her.

“Too many men die because their strokes are not fast enough against their enemy. Using the wrong weapon, it’ll only put you in that position faster.”

He draws his dirk, and she mimics his movement.

“Now you have the advantage and disadvantage of being a woman, most men will have their weapons sheathed as they approach you. You’ll be able to use their proximity to you advantage.”

Ben paces round the clearing moving with a fluid grace Rey doubts she can match, demonstrating moves and strikes suited to her physicality. She watches him taking her step by step through a more deadly dance than any they have undertaken in the past, and Rey cannot help but think on Jyn’s words, _yes, her husband is a braw looking man._

_Slainte mhor agus a h-uile beannachd duibh – Good health and every good blessing to you._

_Coorie – cuddle/snuggle in_

_Fat lot of good – No good/no help at all_

_Taigh – means home but when you say it, it is pronounced tie_

_Sorcha – Claire_

_Arse is knitting buttons – Extremely anxious or upset/squirmy_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to everyone for reading, commenting and kudosing this story. I really appreciate it.  
> I will be posting twice today. Chapter 7 is the official end of the story. Chapter 8 is an epilogue because I couldn't help myself.  
> Again I am very grateful to Emmy_cc for all her beta work and to all the moderators of the Reylo Fanfiction Anthology for organising this exchange.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Time is slipping away. Rey knows Ben is waiting on a sign, a call to take up arms, and when he sees it, he will go without her.

The awareness puts Rey on edge, with each day worse than the last. Her training morphs from an increasingly complicated walkthrough of steps to her attacking Ben. It is her only release for all the tension that seems to stalk her. Rey fears for what is to come on the battlegrounds at Alderaan. She fears it almost as much as she fears her developing need for Ben, that she might one day act upon her desire.

This morning, training begins before breakfast. In the weak dawn light, their breath comes in puffs on the cold air. As they parry and lunge at each other, neither one mentions how vicious Rey is becoming.

There is no restraint to Rey’s swipes. She wants to hurt him because when he leaves, she will have nothing but uncertainty to keep her company.

Will she lose him on the battlefield? Will he be cut down? Or will luck and skill favour him, giving him the opportunity for a life after Snoke? In that new life, is there space for them to be together? When Ben is free of the tyranny of Snoke, would he choose to be with her?

Each day solidifies to her how she _wants_ him, but the constant second guessing about his feelings towards her, let alone the worry about will he even live past the next few weeks or months, makes her almost feral.

Her dirk slashes at his abdomen and he only just evades it. She comes in with an overhead strike that, given his greater height, he blocks with ease. Rey leans hard into the crossed blades, but Ben twists his wrist in such a way that it drags her blade into an impossible circular motion, and she is forced to drop it or snap her wrist.

Her dirk clatters to the ground, and his follows after.

Rey’s forward motion knocks her off balance, and she falls into him. Catching her, he gives her a good-natured grin as if she had not tried to kill him.

It is these glimpses, these moments which are so essentially _Ben_ , that get under her skin.

Rey is finding it increasingly difficult to think of the Kylo of now and the Ben of the past as two distinct entities.

The more time they spend together, the more the mask of Kylo slips and she catches flashes of the Ben she has known all her life, the Ben she is falling for.

All the pressure that has haunted her waking hours comes to a head with that throw away smile. Had he shouted at her, she could have ignored him and carried on. But it is the kindness, the friendship in his smile that is her undoing.

She bursts into tears.

He goes from holding her up to cradling her in a heartbeat.

“What’s wrong?”

She doesn’t have words for how large this emotion is swirling inside her. Rey has always preferred action over words. She rises on her toes and captures his lips with hers.

Their faces are cold from being outside on a snowy morning, but where their lips meet, it is heat, and it is desire. Both feelings thrum through her bloodstream.

All her wanting and needing is realised in the moment. He drags her closer, one hand under head for support as her neck cranes back, taking all that he is pouring into her.

As the initial burst of desire roars into life for Rey, it abates for him.

Ben pulls back. She chases after him, trying to land little kisses on his lips even as he retreats from her.

“Rey.”

She can’t reach his lips as he straightens, but she kisses the fluttering pulse at the base of his neck.

“Rey, please.”

He steps back from her and she goes to step into him, as if his skin has her magnetised and all she can focus on is how much she needs to touch him.

“Stop.” He holds his hands out, keeping her back from him.

Rey’s heart free falls at his rejection

Ben drops his hands and turns away from her. He takes a long breath and lets it out slowly. In contrast, Rey is breathing hard, panting, but as she tries to slow it, the dawning realisation of how foolish she has been creeps through her.

Ben does not want her, not in the way a man wants a woman. She hoped there might be some small unacknowledged attraction to her, but she can see now that is not the case.

Rey looks to the sky to force back yet more tears gathering in her eyes. Raising the back of her hand, she wipes at her nose. She does not care that it is uncouth; she does not want to dissolve in front of him.

“I…” he looks around for something to say to her.

“It’s ok. I made a mistake.” Rey tries to salvage something of her dignity by downplaying what happened.

He shakes his head. “Don’t say that, Rey.”

“But I did. I must have, because I thought you might want this. I thought you’d welcome it.”

“I would – I do, but –” he flounders.

There is a sarcastic lilt to her voice.

“Ah, yes. It really sounds like you want me. Forgive me, I forget myself. I am a means to an end, am I not? Someone you can’t dispose of because of childhood memories. A convenient power broker, but not your wife. No, not your wife.”

As she says the words, she hears the truth in them. It makes sense when she says it out loud.

“You have it wrong.”

“Oh, I think you’ll need to help me out Ben, because from where I’m standing, it looks like I’m right for the first time in weeks.”

She ducks down and picks up the dirk. Turning her back on him, she heads towards Sorcha.

“I’m not free to be your husband.”

She turns to look at him.

“I’m not good anymore, Rey, do you understand?” She moves back towards him, desperate to hear what he will say next. “I’m a monster.”

He picks up his dirk and the look he gives her is of a much older, tired man.

“The things I’ve done? No one should every have to spill as much blood as I have. I can’t wash that clean, Rey, no matter how much I try.”

He holds his hand out to her, and with slow steps; she moves forward. When she slips her hand into his, he grips it.

“We leave after breakfast.”

“Why?”

“It’s time. It’s our best chance of ending this. I’m leaving some men, in case Snoke breaks through our ranks.”

“No,” she frowns, “don’t, I don’t want you to go.”

He gives a ghost of a smile and with his free hand smooths back the damp tendrils of hair at her brow.

“I have to. I have to finish this.”

“Then I’ll come with you. I can’t be left again. To sit here not knowing. Everyone I love is there.” His eyes soften and she scrambles to protect her heart. “My father, your Mam…”

Rey cannot add his name to that list, not after what has happened. He nods, but she doubts he fully understands.

“Rey, you can’t. I can’t protect you. If we were in battle and you were there, I would try, I’d try to protect you with everything I have and we’d both die.” His anger, she can taste it. “I can’t bear to think that there’d every be a time when you wouldn’t grace this earth. That’s a thought I don’t have the strength for.” He cups her face. “When – no – if I don’t return, then you’re free to marry again. A widow is a respectable woman, Rey. Even if her first husband had been Cur Gu Bás.”

She pulls herself free from him.

“When? You said when. You’re not even going to _try_ to return?”

“Not everyone who goes to fight returns home Rey, you know this.”

Of course she knows this, but she still cannot fathom why he is so accepting of the possibility of his death.

“But when anyone goes to fight, they do everything possible to return. You sound like you’re not even going to try.”

“What really have I got to return for?”

There is no self-pity in his voice, just his truth.

Rey wants to tell him he has her, but given his reaction to her kiss, she is not sure she would be enough of an incentive for him. She bites her lip and keeps the words locked in her mouth.

“I have nothing to offer anyone other than a tainted name and more ghosts that walk behind me than any man should encounter in his lifetime. Snoke might be old but he’s formidable and there are those who stand with him who will fight with every sinew and fibre of their being to defend him. I can’t guarantee that I’ll leave that fight whole and alive. I would be making an empty promise to you, by saying I’ll return. Besides Rey, you deserve better than an executioner for your husband.”

“Thank kriff, it’s not up to you to decide what I deserve in a husband. It is up to me.” Her eyes flash. “I want my husband to return and if I have to go and drag you from that field myself, I will.”

“See sense Rey, you can’t go. Your place is here, heading up the clan. You are the last in line if I fall or your father does. You have a duty to Castle Jakku and your clan.”

“I thought that was your duty as the new Laird?” she fires back at him.

“No, I was only ever a substitute, keeping the castle safe until your father returns. Jakku is yours and you must stay in its seat of power.”

He is right; she does have a duty. Rey might not like it, but her place is here. She walks away from him and stares at the dew on a spider’s web. Concentrating on its delicate beauty is easier than turning to face the man breaking her heart.

“Will you give me your blessing?” he says from behind her.

She wants to hurt him.

“No.”

She looks over her shoulder, not quite back at him.

“No, you don’t deserve my blessing. Not if you are going to give up so easily. I want you to fight.”

She turns around and looks him fully in the face so that he understands her.

“I want you to fight and I want you to come home. I won’t stand by like a dutiful wife and wave you off to your death. If you are going Ben, you go. But you won’t get my blessing.”

She walks past him, keen to put some distance between them.

“Aye,” he says it quiet as if he understands her anger and is powerless in the face of it, “but at least I got your kiss.”

Rey’s not sure she is meant to hear his soft-spoken words as she gets seated side saddle onto Sorcha, but she does. She is not sure what to make of them. Kicking her horse in the flank, she urges the mare to go faster so that the early morning breeze pulls at her hair and lets the tears she could not shed in front of Ben run down her face.

**

Rey visits a few of the cottiers that live on the outskirts of the land. Takes a bit of food and drink and discusses the recent changes at Jakku but her heart is not in it. Still, she cannot risk returning to the castle and crossing paths with Ben. Not now.

The low winter sun inches its way across the sky and when it starts to sink, she gauges it to be about 3 o’clock. Late enough.

When Sorcha clops under the portcullis, she knows he is gone.

Neither her Mam nor Leia would have her mope in her room, so Rey changes for supper and sits at the top table.

Alone.

She had not felt lonely when her father left. No, it felt like she was where she should be, but this evening; she is alone. Left, always left behind. Rey picks at her food, and her mood seems to affect the people around her. Jyn catches her as she goes to leave the hall.

“Will I get you some whiskey to help you sleep?”

“Thank you but no, I don’t think I’ll be sleeping much tonight.”

“Aye, it’s worse for those of us left behind, I think than for those who pick up their swords and ride out on our behalf.” Jyn looks over at her husband.

“How did you do it, Jyn?”

“A minute at a time. You get through the first and then the next and the next.” Jyn tilts her head. “Work helps.”

Rey smirks, “That was my Mam’s answer to everything.”

“Aye, canny woman, your Mam.” Jyn gives her a warm smile. “If you find you can’t sleep in the wee hours, I’d be happy to find some bread and bannocks ready to go in the stove in the morning.”

Rey can barely hold the tears back when Jyn folds her into an embrace.

**

There is no news. For the first two days, she takes comfort knowing Ben is travelling, and not yet engaged with any danger. When the sun rises on the third day, she cannot convince herself any longer that he remains apart from the fray on Alderaan’s grounds.

By now, he must be in the thick of it.

Rey endures the day with a ceaseless feeling writhing under her skin, always conscious that Ben must be in battle.

What are his chances of surviving, of winning this fight?

Some outcomes are too severe for her to entertain. Will she lose everyone she loves? Not just her father, Leia, her friends, but Ben too.

For Rey realises she has been fighting and losing her own struggle. She can no longer pretend she is only in danger of feeling too much for her husband anymore.

No, tender feelings for Ben took her hostage long ago and the danger he is in now, helps her crystalise her feelings.

She loves him.

He may not feel the same about her.

But Rey decides that is a problem for future Rey to grapple with, if Ben ever returns home.

Her increasing anxiety over the outcome of the conflict has every muscle in her body pulled taut, every nerve jumping. When she is in the hall, she wants away from people. When she is in her room, his presence is noticeable by its absence.

She feels small and petty that she denied him her blessing before he left. It is a black stain of regret in her heart that she let him leave, thinking he was uncared for.

Why had she not fought harder, insisted that he take her with him? Why didn’t she sneak out after and followed him?

Yes, she might be in danger on a battlefield, but at least knowing what is happening would be better than living in this hellish limbo.

**

On the sixth day, the messenger arrives carrying his slip of paper, neatly folded and sealed with wax. Jyn takes it and rushes to Rey’s chambers with shaking fingers. The slanting cursive is recognised instantly; Leia, at least, is alive.

Unless Rey reads the note, she will have no notion of whether her father or Ben are. Yet she finds herself unable to break the seal. She stares at the square of folded paper between her fingers.

“Are you going to open it?” Jyn asks.

She looks at her friend and then back down at the paper.

“I – I don’t think I can.” She can see the paper shaking as she holds it out to Jyn. “Please.”

Jyn tucks her hair behind her ears as if mentally strengthening herself to undertake the task, nods, and takes the slip from Rey’s hand. It is worse handing the control over to someone else. Rey’s anxiety ratchets higher as she watches Jyn scanning the lines, but her face gives nothing away.

“Well?” Rey clutches at a handful of her skirts and then forces her hand to relax and let it drop again. “What does it say?”

“Your Dad’s alive.”

Rey sags against her sideboard, bending her head and giving a brief prayer of thanks at this news.

“Leia is unsure if Snoke is dead, there was a lot of confusion with the Rens retreating and some surrendering.” Jyn flips over the paper. It is blank. She looks up at Rey who has covered her mouth with her hand, tears filling her eyes. “That’s all it says.”

“There must be more.”

She takes the letter from Jyn’s proffered hand. Her eyes draw down the page, but no detail was left out.

“Why isn’t there more?” Rey asks. “There must be more.”

Hugging her, Jyn tries to comfort her.

“I’m so sorry Rey, but Leia wouldn’t be concerned with a Ren, she wouldn’t write of Kylo.”

Rey realises Jyn does not know that Ben is Leia’s son. To her, it seems like Leia has passed on all the relevant information.

“We know your Dad is alive and well. That’s a good thing, love. You should be happy.”

Rey tries for a smile. “Yes, yes, so very happy.”

Why would Leia be so cruel as to not let her know about Ben? Unless he had fallen on the battlefield and Leia had not yet recovered the body of her only son. Rey swallows the emotions that are thick in her throat.

“I think I need a moment. A bit of time to come to terms with everything.”

Jyn squeezes her on the arm.

“Ok,” as she puts her hand on the doorhandle she turns back for a moment, “not all is lost Rey, Kylo might have retreated and if he has, I expect he’ll come to claim you soon.”

“And if he hasn’t?”

“Then you’ll make a marriage with a good man that you choose next time.”

Jyn slips from the room as Rey whispers to herself. “But I had a good man.”

**

“I must go. I must see those I love at Castle Alderaan.” Rey is firm.

“If you’d but stay a day or two Rey, your Dad will be back and there will be no need for you to make the journey.”

“Cass, I’ve been left behind too often, I need to go. I’m not asking you to accompany me, Jakku needs to be guarded in case Snoke is still out there and tries an opportunistic attack, but I can’t stay here waiting, I need to make the journey now.”

Cassian glances at his wife, who shrugs.

“Rey, I don’t think this is a good idea, but Cass will go with you.” Jyn cuts off Rey’s attempt to protest. “Wexley and the others will guard Jakku but you would be vulnerable going on your own. When do you plan to leave?”

“Now. As soon as we are ready.”

“An hour won’t make any difference, Rey.” Jyn says with too much understanding in her eyes and Rey nods.

**

Sorcha is saddled. Bedding rolls and provisions secured and Rey is already mounted and pacing her horse around the courtyard – waiting on Cassian as he prepares his horse – when the cry from the ramparts goes up.

“Rider on the horizon.”

Rey does not look up to see which of the men gave the cry, she tugs on Sorcha’s reins to pull her round to the gateway in the walls. She cannot see this rider, so makes her way under the portcullis and takes in the sight of a man on a black steed.

He is riding as if the devil himself is chasing his tail and he has an excellent seat in the saddle.

Rey cannot see his features, cannot make out his brown eyes or his soft, kissable mouth or even that damnably long nose he hates, but she knows who it is.

She strikes Sorcha in the flank and her horse takes the command. Clods of earth pull up with the speed at which her horse’s hooves strike into the ground as if the animal understands Rey’s desire to get to him.

As the distance dies away, she can see his smile. She can feel her own smile answering him.

Closer, she can see the dark smudges of tiredness under his eyes, blood on his hands and splashes of it across the pale skin of his face.

He looks wild.

As they draw near, Rey pulls on Sorcha’s reins to slow her, Ben does likewise to Taigh. In moments they are dismounting, horses forgotten about as they run to each other in the last few steps. She slams into his warm, solid chest and his arms snap around her.

“You’re alive. Ben, you’re alive. I thought…”

He strokes her hair back and pulls her from him to look at her.

“Hush.” He presses a kiss to her forehead, “I’m here. I’m here. I won’t leave you, not again.”

All her emotions feel like a tangled mess of relief, joy, and love. Ben lifts his hands to wipe away her fallen tears but stops shorts when he sees the bloody mess of his hands and she breaks with her manners and uses her sleeve to clear them.

“Ben, I never gave you my blessing. What if you had died?”

“But I didn’t. It doesn’t matter now.”

Why can’t he see it is important? He pulls her back into his chest helping to subside her trembling by holding her close to him.

“But it does. I let you go without telling you.” She realises she is not talking about the blessing anymore. It is something much more important and more terrifying that she needs to tell him. “It could’ve been our last chance Ben, and I never told you.”

“Told me what?”

He looks down on her. Those words that had been on the verge of tumbling from her mouth seem stuck because what if he does not feel the same? Rey swallows down her fear. They need to be said, she can’t go on not knowing. She is not brave enough to look him in the face, but says them into his chest.

“I love you, Ben.”

She feels his laugh rumble through his chest, feels his joy.

“Aye, I know little one, I love you too.”

“Wait. What?” She pulls back from him to see his face. “How did you know? When did you…”

“You are a terrible liar, everything you feel shows on your face. Always has done. And that kiss before I left…” he lifts an eyebrow, and she catches herself blushing.

“I told you once, that I married you to shift your power to mine. Well, that wasn’t the whole reason.”

He lifts his hand to trace the edge of her cheekbone but stops before he sullies her skin.

“I wanted you that night at Alderaan, years ago. It was a mistake to let you leave without making you understand your importance to me. Later, after everything, I couldn’t return because I was so ashamed of who I’d become. I lied when I told you I only negotiated with Snoke that he’d not ride against Alderaan. jakku was part of our deal too. I never wanted you to come to any harm. I know I’m not a prize husband, but when I saw you standing there, so vulnerable, I thought, ‘here’s my chance to protect her’ and selfishly, it was also my chance to be close to you too.”

He draws her in close again. Nestled against his chest, she can both feel and hear his heartbeat. Its steady beat comforting her. He is alive.

“I’ve loved you for a long time, Rey.”

She can feel the truth in his words and smiles into his chest. He kisses the top of her head and she can feel his breath warm through her hair.

“I want to kiss you properly, but not while I’m stained with blood.”

She nods her understanding.

They walk back to the castle, each with a horse’s reins in one hand and their other hands joined. Rey does not think she will ever be able to let him go again.

“I was about to ride to Alderaan, to see if you were alive. Your Mam wrote, but she said nothing about you.” She looks up at him and he looks grim for a moment.

“Aye, well, I guess she doesn’t know I’m still alive –”

“Ben!”

“It had been quick, given that we had the Rens surrounded. Several capitulated and retreated to Alderaan. Leia – because she knew their circumstances – always planned to let those that surrendered go once everything was done. But Snoke, he’d never back down. It was confusing on the battlefield, sometimes it was hard to know what side some Rens were fighting on. I looked at the fallen, but his body wasn’t amongst the dead. Then I caught sight of him retreating.” Ben looked conflicted but continues, “I couldn’t let him go, couldn’t risk him regrouping and using his old tactics, Rey, do you understand?” she nods. “I didn’t signal to anyone, just took off after him. And I caught him,” he closes his eyes, remembering. When he opens them again, they are blazing, “I caught him, and I cut him down. Do you know what he said as he was dying? He told me, I disappointed him, that I was wasting my chance.” Ben stopped and lifted their joined hand and placed them on Rey’s heart and she looked down at them. “I drove my dirk into his heart to shut him up. I didn’t return to Alderaan, I rode straight here.”

“You are not a disappointment to me.” She frees her hand and reaches up to stroke the side of his face. “You could never be a disappointment to me.”

He closes his eyes, savouring both her words and her touch. When he opens them again, he looks at her as if she is the focus of his life.

**

Walking through the courtyard, people rush them for information. Ben gives as much detail as he can, but he is flagging and Rey ushers him through the small knot of people to get him to their bedchambers.

Ben sits on the end of the bed and drops his face into his hands. When he raises his head, he stares at his hands as if he cannot believe they are his own, so marked in the blood of others.

He looks distant, as if he is somewhere Rey cannot access.

“Let me clean you up.”

He doesn’t hear her. She pours water from the ewer into a bowl. Dipping in a cloth to dampen it, she draws it over the back of his hand. The dried blood clings stubbornly. Each time she moves the cloth across his skin, she reveals a little more of him. As she freshens the cloth, the water blooms a rust red.

Rey takes his other hand and repeats the actions, discovering all the cuts and abrasions that tell of his struggles. She swipes the cloth over the skin on his beautiful face, careful of the swellings and lesions she finds there.

Ben’s eyes are on her the whole time, but he says nothing.

As she works, the water grows steadily murkier. Rising, she sluices the water out the window and goes to recharge the bowl when he speaks.

“How can I ever be clean again, Rey?”

She pauses by the sideboard. Does she have an answer for him? No. But she has acceptance. Acceptance that he did the best he could under impossible circumstances. Can any man put in his position say they would have navigated another path, when it would have resulted in certain death for them and possibly their loved ones too? No, they would not.

Rey turns to face him, and Ben’s eyes flicker back and forth between hers, and he swallows. She realises she has taken too long in considering her answer.

“I can help you wash away this blood but that’s not the kind of clean you mean, is it?”

In a quiet voice, he airs his fear. “There’s so much blood staining my soul.”

Rey nods.

“Ben, you did what you had to in order to survive.”

She wipes her hands dry on her skirts and comes to the bed, seats herself beside him and slips her smaller hand into his. Ben grips her hand hard, desperate to hear what she has to say next.

“There’s at least twenty men that have the chance to return to their families because of you. They get to live with the ones they love. They will have no quarrel with you.”

Hs shrugs as if he does not see the significance of this.

“You don’t need to leave your lands again if you don’t want to. Knowing that there are those who would defend you in most of the clans attacked by Snoke means the chances of anyone seeking vengeance is low.” She pauses and then continues. “Besides, Kylo Ren was Cur Gu Bás. Please, Ben, let Kylo Ren die in the fields surrounding Alderaan. Let Ben Solo live.”

Ben turns and gathers both her hands in his hold.

“I don’t care about anyone else, Rey. I only care what you think. The only forgiveness I need is yours.” He looks feverish in his intensity.

“Shush.” Rey lifts their hands and kisses his where the bruises bloom on his pale skin of his knuckles. “I already give my forgiveness; I gave it a long time ago, but it’s how you forgive yourself Ben that matters.”

“I don’t know how to.”

“You don’t need to know how, just believe me when I tell you, you deserve it.”

Rey leans into him and places one hand carefully on his face, cognisant of his injuries and kisses him. It is a soft, steady kiss.

“I will always be here for you, Ben, and I will tell you often how much I love you. Over time, I hope you allow yourself to accept forgiveness because you are worthy of it.”

He moves to capture her lips in a kiss that promises a future together.

She thinks of all the kisses they have shared over the years. Ones that tell of friendship, a false one to save their skins, one given in anger and this one gifted to convey acceptance.

It is this kiss that Rey chooses to believe is their first kiss.

Ben holds her with care and tenderness and Rey returns those sentiments in equal measure so that with this kiss, she knows she has found her heart and home.

It is him; it is them, and it always will be.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING This is the 2nd time I have posted today, so if you haven't read Chapter 7, please go back or you will be confused.  
> This chapter was written because I just couldn't help myself. It is some of the softest smut you'll ever read. But still, I hope you enjoy it.  
> For the last time a massive thank you to Emmy_cc for all her hard work betaing this story.

Rey leaves the bedchamber to get fresh water. On her return, Ben is sprawled on his back on the bed. Claimed by exhaustion. Leaving the jug on the sideboard, she loosens his belt and tugs off his boots, an activity she is sure will rouse him. That he sleeps through it, confirms how worn out he is.

Gathering a spare blanket from the dresser, she drapes it over his large frame. Pausing, she brushes a strand of his inky black hair back from his battered face. The tips of her fingers trace the cuts and abrasions that will heal in time.

Leaning forward, she places a kiss on his temple and retreats from the room to let him rest.

**

Rey uses all of her willpower to stay away from Ben. To give him time to recuperate without her hovering. By dinnertime, she can resist the pull of him no longer.

Taking some fresh cold cuts of meats, bread and wine, she retreats to their bedchambers.

Awkwardly, she negotiates the door with her hands full.

“Good thing I’m awake. You could raise the dead with all your clattering.” Ben is washed and dressed in clean clothes. “I was about to come find you, but you have delivered yourself to me.”

“With food and drink, no less.”

She smiles at him and lifts the plate and cup to draw his attention to them.

“So you did.” Ben takes the offered sustenance and puts it on top of the sideboard before taking her in his arms. “What if it is something else that I hunger for?”

His breath fans warm across her cheekbone as he speaks. He tilts his head and lays a small kiss on her cheek. Nothing more than a whisper on her skin but that, coupled with his hands on her waist, makes a familiar heat build inside her, the one she only experiences when she is close to him.

“Whatever you want, Ben, I can fetch it for you?”

She looks into his eyes; darker than before.

The naked desire she finds there makes Rey squirm. She ducks her head to escape being seen by him. Ben lifts his hand and tips her chin, catching her in his gaze again.

“I hunger for my wife.” There is no hesitation in his voice.

“Oh.”

“Rey, you only have to say you are not ready and we’ll wait.” His eyes flicker between hers, taking in her expression before he continues. “I want you as my wife. In all ways. To be with you knowing that no one can annul our union at a later date. But if you are not ready…”

He lets the question trail off.

“I am,” there's no hesitation in her voice, “I want you too.”

Is it fear or excitement that makes her feel sick to her stomach?

A faint tremor seems to take up residency in her muscles and Ben must be able to feel it, as he strokes a hand through her hair, soothing her.

“Together, Rey. Just like everything else from now on. No secrets. You know every flaw, every failing of mine, and yet, you still want me.”

“Always. I have always wanted you, Ben.”

He moves them closer to the bed, but Rey touches his chest, putting space between them.

“Ben, if we do this, I’ll never let you go. I will fight for you, every day.”

Ben smiles at her serious expression. He picks up her left hand.

“I need to get you a wedding band. I want everyone to see you are mine.”

Rey snorts. “If that’s the thinking, you’ll be getting one yourself so that everyone knows you belong to me.”

A grin tugs at his lips. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

A silence falls over them and he hesitantly lifts his hand as if to place his large palm over her heart, which thrills and beats with an undeniable fervour at the prospect of his touch. He stills a hairsbreadth away from touching her.

“May I?”

At her nod, he releases the laces holding the front of her kirtle shut.

The gown loosens, and it feels like they are both holding their breath.

Both unsure what to do or say.

Ben places his hand inside the opening of her dress. He cups the weight of her breast and even though her under shift is between her skin and his; it feels like the cloth is heightening the sensations rather than dulling them. The weave of the material previously so unnoticeable now feels like it is rough against her tightened nipple.

Ben watches her face and when she gasps at his rolling of the peak of her nipple between his thumb and index finger, he gives the mischievous smile of a boy who has discovered something wicked and is revelling in the knowledge.

He swoops in to catch her mouth with his.

Their mouths move, plush lips to plush lips. Rey brings her hands to his shirt and begins tugging it out of the confines of his kilt and belt. When a gap appears, she works her hands underneath, letting her fingertips dance across the striations of muscles and bones that make up the topography of his ribs and chest. The perfect undulation of the muscles moving under his skin leaves her wanting to touch everywhere, to see him and follow in the wake of her fingertips with kisses.

“Off. Please, take,” she swallows and tries to fight back her blush, “take it off. Please take everything off.”

Ben pulls the shirt over his head, mussing his hair and leaving Rey a little dazed at what she is seeing.

“Everything?” he pauses with his hands on his belt.

“Everything.”

His grin gets even wider as he works the buckle.

“You too. I don’t mean to be the only one standing here with my arse out.”

The ridiculousness of his comment makes her laugh.

All her awkward tension dissolves, because they are Ben and Rey.

She giggles as she pushes the kirtle to the floor and kicks it out of the way.

The thought of laying with him does not feel scary anymore. They are doing this together. No matter what Ben says, that last comment tells her he is as nervous as she is.

Pulling her under shift off, she stands there bare to her husband’s gaze. She can’t help closing her eyes as her heart beats so rapidly, he must see it pulsing under her skin.

“Rey, open your eyes.”

He is bare, too.

There are no words to describe this, other than it feels _right_.

Ben fixes her with a look filled with adoration. It makes her brave. She draws her fingertips up the expanse of his thigh muscle and then dips into the groove running along the inner edge of his hip. She doesn’t let her gaze stray to his cock; she knows it is there, but is too much for her to deal with right now. Her fingers skim over the ladder of his ribs, careful of the bruises that litter his torso. Placing her hand flat over his heart, she can feel his pulse hammering as hard as hers and it pleases her, no, _thrills_ her. He wants this as much as she does.

He is beautiful.

All those times she thought he was braw, she did him an injustice.

“Rey.”

When she looks up, his eyes are scorching.

Ben pulls her to him so that his cock presses against her stomach.

This part of him that frightened her before; she does not fear it now. It is a part of him, and that makes it easy for Rey to trust that this will be ok.

His touch is eliciting both a rush of heat at her core and a scattering of gooseflesh across each stretch of exposed flesh he explores. Their mouths try to convey their feelings in little nips, licks and presses, but it is not enough. As he moves her back onto the bed, his tongue meets hers and it is bliss, this feeling of being held and loved.

Every touch she gives him, she tries to make it say, ‘I love you’. Her message must be clear to him as every movement of his body echoes her sentiment.

He strokes her skin as he explores her. When he brings his hand between their bodies, he draws a finger over her folds. He doesn’t press into her, just strokes at her opening and it feels like tinder igniting and burning through her blood.

“Kriff, Rey. You are so wet.”

“Is that a good thing?”

She can’t help asking. Ben drops his head into her neck and nods whilst kissing the skin at the base of her neck and Rey can feel him everywhere.

“I want…”

“What do you want, Rey?” His voice gruff as he asks.

“I… I don’t know what I want. Ben, I don’t know.”

He shifts onto his elbow and kisses her hard as he eases a finger into her. He swallows down every one of her gasps, but when the kiss ends, he looks down on her with reverence.

“Oh, I…” He feels so big and foreign there, but good too.

“What do you need Rey?” Her eyes fly to him and he circumvents her embarrassment. “This is us, Rey. There is nothing to be shy about. I want to make you feel good, but I need your help. I—I don’t know how to make your body feel good.”

Holding his gaze, she nods.

“Can you move a bit?” she bites her lip.

He does as she asks.

“Like this?”

“Ah, yes. Yes, like that.”

She clutches at his bicep; the sensation is an odd, but pleasant dragging feeling inside her. She cannot help but move her hips in a rhythm that matches his movements. Each one of his gentle thrusts seems to increase the feeling of tightening inside her. Her hands grasp at his shoulders, pulling him back into a desperate kiss, and she can feel he is moving his hips in an imitation of hers. Oh, whatever this is, she needs more. More, something.

She lets her hand sneak down between them and takes his cock in her hand. Ben’s reaction is immediate. He breaks their kiss and sucks in a ragged breath.

“Kriff, Rey.”

  
“Is it good?”

“Can you—a little tighter.”

She adjusts her grip, and he groans. The tip is leaking, providing enough lubrication for his cock—so hard, so hot—to slide in her hand.

“Rey.” He kisses her eyelids. “My beautiful Rey.” Her nose, her forehead. He peppers her with kisses as they both move with increasing urgency.

“Ben, please, I want to feel you inside me.” She wants this. That yearning for something more she experienced the mornings she woke in his arms, is nothing like this desire to have him. To be consumed by him.

He breaks free from her and kneels between her legs. Reaching forward, he strokes her one more time as if he can’t resist feeling her wetness.

“Are you sure?”

Rey bites her lip and nods.

Ben takes his cock in his hand and using the wetness he gathered on his fingertips from her, he draws his hand up and down, coating it. He moves forward and bracing himself on one elbow, guides his cock into her sex.

Rey draws her legs up, cradling his hips and the way she shifted on the bed, it seems to give him a little more space, letting him sink into her a bit.

It feels overwhelming, as if she wants to wriggle away from him but also onto him at the same time.

“Are you ok?” He sounds less sure of himself.

“Just give me a minute.” 

As she breathes—trying to let herself adjust to him - Ben rests his forehead against hers. His breath is coming in short bursts and there is a faint tremor in the muscles across his shoulders and his arms as he works hard to stay still.

“Ben.”

He moves slightly, tilting his face so that his lips slant across hers. Rey lets one hand flow down his spine until it rests on the curve of his backside. Palming the flesh, she tries to press him to her, and he takes it as his signal to not hold back. To let himself be sheathed in her.

It is tight, maybe too tight. The skin around her opening seems to burn. There is a pain that makes her wince, but it does not last.

Even as it started when they joined—his hips flush with hers, as close as two people can be—even then it is fading. Ben wraps his arms under her shoulders. He is inside her and surrounding her, and it feels to Rey that this still isn’t enough.

He squeezes her gently.

“I think I need you to move now.” She whispers.

“I think I need a moment.”

He gives her a wry smile, and she feels it, the pulse of his cock inside her, a twitch, and it sets her on fire.

“Ben, please.” She grounds her heels on the bed and tries her best to raise her hips, to move them despite feeling like he is pinning her to the bed.

Ben groans. “Kriff, Rey, I’m not going to last if you keep doing that.”

“I don’t care. Just move.”

Ben pulls his hips back. It feels like she is losing him, and she wants to chase him down but then he is thrusting back into her and it is as if all her focus centres on him, on the sweet drag of his cock inside her and the awareness of him hitting something deep inside her.

It is almost too much, but at the same time, wonderful. The more he moves, the wetter she becomes, and they glide together. Rey works to match his thrusts and they both kiss any skin that is available to them. Neck, cheeks, lips.

“Oh, Ben.”

“Rey.”

He slips a hand down to her hips and lifting her, changes the angle at which he is entering her.

Suddenly she is more open, and he is blessedly deeper in her, and it is all sensation until with one hard thrust his pubic bone hits her just right.

“Ah.” She cannot hold back the cry that is ripped from her.

“What? Did I hurt you?”

He does not stop moving as he asks; it seems he cannot stop. He is hitting that spot again and again. It feels like every muscle in her body is contracting.

“It’s—kriff—it’s, good, so good.”

She tucks her face into the crook of his neck, but she can make out his self-satisfied grin and he purposely repeats his movements.

The feeling inside her is rising. Too much. She wants to tell him to stop. That this is too much. That she cannot take any more but—kriff—if he were to stop it would be—she doesn’t know what it would be. She only knows that she feels suspended somehow between wanting to find out what happens when the tension breaks and wanting to run away from it as it becomes unbearable.

“Please Rey, need you to–”

“What?”

But his relentless attention to that spot on her body is paying off and her muscles tighten, her back arches and the feeling crests and breaks like a wave, sweeping her away in a feeling she has never experienced before.

Her body is pulsing around him and shivering as it relaxes into the most glorious state. Ben continues to thrust into her, and now it really is too much. His thrusts slow but somehow he seems to be trying to get deeper inside her when he gives a shout and then stills.

He only just catches himself from collapsing on top of her.

His hands frame her face and they are both grinning as they kiss.

“I love you, wife.”

“As I love you, husband.”

Ben is still inside her and she can feel herself rhythmically pulsing around his softening length. When he slips out of her, even that is a pleasurable sensation. Rolling onto his back and he arranges her so that she drapes over his chest.

“I think you enjoyed that.” He says with a cheeky grin on his face.

Rey slaps his chest in reprimand for his smugness.

“I wouldn’t mind doing it again.” She concedes.

“Wouldn’t mind?”

She shrugs. “I’m sure you’ll get better with practice.”

“Practice?”

At his shock she cannot help giggling. He retaliates by tickling her. Squirming, she tries to retreat but he keeps her tucked into his side until she can barely breathe.

“Ok, ok, it was pretty good.”

“Only pretty good?”

He goes back in for more tickling, and she shrieks and holds her hands up.

“Ok, it was more than good, it was excellent. Happy?”

Ben nods and then flashes her a wicked look.

“Maybe you are right, we do need to practice,” He grabs her and rolls her onto her back, “and by my reckoning we have the rest of our lives to do that.”

He smiles down at her and she smiles back at him before reminding him.

“Yes, who knows how long you’ll have left to live once you tell my Dad we’re married.”

“He’s going to kill me, isn’t he?”

“Uh-hu but I’ll let you put the last couple of days of your life to good use. Better not waste any precious time.”

She shrieks when he pulls her under him.

“Then we best get started straight away.”

He announces before sweeping her up in a glorious kiss that gets her hungry for her husband all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that really is it finished. Thank you everyone who has commented, kudosed and read this story.


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